A blog in Time

Counting down the last few hours with the mo'. Can't say I'm going to miss it, but it feels like I've had it for ages and I think almost everyone's gotten used to it now. Enough of the lip hair.

I'm currently sitting in the chaplaincy office with Zoe and Mina. Winston and Andrew are selling doughnuts for some charitable cause. I already bought one earlier. I'm not going to buy another one. They tried to flog me one. I resisted. Woo.

And Mykel steps in. He's looking for the key for room 101. Mina and Zoe are eating doughnuts. Now I want one. Damn.

Christmas carols are playing on Vev's laptop and I can't begin to convey the tangible joy this gives me. I want to walk around some brightly-lit street/shopping mall with decorations and lame old christmas songs blaring out of randomly placed speakers, watching everyone go by wrapped up cause it's cold and raining out. This is what Christmas is all about. Well, not really, but it's a part of it, and to be honest probably the part I enjoy the most. There are other things, like waking up christmas morning and then going to meet your family. Then things like the Vigil and the great prayer that goes into it. When you look at it spiritually I find it to be really refreshing in a way. But those (important) things aside, it's this one little prelude to all that that I think I treasure the most.

Myke's making me tea. That's Christmas spirit for you. Wow Vev WANTS to make me tea. This is brilliant. I think I might just have another.

Out.

One Thankful Zombie

I need to shave. I really need to shave. Last week with the moustache, thankfully. If you've been meaning to donate money for the kids, now's your last chance to do it.

Just finished my exams this morning. It's good and done and I will speak no more of it. They're over. I'm free till January like normal people. Yay.

I've been having trouble sleeping recently. I go to bed at a normal (sane) time, lie down, turn off the lights, close my eyes. And then.... nothing. I don't fall asleep. As annoying as these random bouts of insomnia can be on normal days, this week they've coincided with the days I've had my exams. Currently I'm running on 3 hours of sleep. Lovely.

In other news, in an hour I leave for this year's Youth weekend. I'm really looking forward to it and I have a feeling God's going to show up in a big way. I'm so thankful for that, I think we all need to reconnect with Him at some level. Let's help Him change the world :)

Out.

Trains

New things are nice and beautiful, but it's always good to remember who we are.



I was going to talk about the things going on. About how my dad got me this big guitar pedal as an early christmas present and how playing it made me feel 8 years old again. About how I'm going up to London for the first time this March with a bunch of friends and I'm really looking forward to it (even if I have no idea how I'm going to scrounge up the money for it). About how I've got an exam tomorrow, but that's ok.

But you know what, I don't want to. Cause as I sit and type this and listen to the music I've just put on, I don't want to. I don't want to talk about myself, about my little world. I want to talk about something else. Something bigger than me. Even if it's just about someone else's little world. That's still worth it. Cause in the end, it's not about us. It's all only worth it, only beautiful, when it's not about us.

Out.

Eskimo

Out.

On feeling inadequate

I'm not quite broken, but there's a crack. It's like being lost at sea.

Out.

Moment

I remember my thoughts
distant and clear;
Of what was to be,
come and past and left behind.
So too wil be
my thoughts and futures,
come and past and left behind.

For what is a day,
a rising and a setting;
A break between
slumber and wake.
Fleeting moments,
unremarkable and gone,
sitting between slumber and wake.

But you are different,
constant and faithful.
In the moment you are.
Always, you are.

Out.

Ps. Movember starts today :D

I so liked Spring

"I so liked Spring last year
Because you were here;-
The thrushes too-
Because it was these you so liked to hear-
I so liked you.

This year's a different thing,-
I'll not think of you.
But I'll like Spring because it is simply Spring
As the thrushes do."

Charlotte Mew

Out.

On Time Spent at the Library

*click, clack... Click, clack clack*

*'How are you on Tuesdays?' 'Tuesdays and Wednesdays forget it I'm full all day' 'Illallu my time table really sucks, we're never going to be able to....'*


*Shift position in chair*




*thud thud thud thud Thud Thud THUD Thud Thud thud thud thud*


*Check the time*



*Huff*


*Leaf through pages. Go back to current page*





*'Hahaha!' *sniff* *



*Amusing ring tone*


*Check phone for messages*





*Shift position in chair*


Out.

Reason

It's 17:21. Outside the sky is grey. I think it might be raining, but then it might have stopped by now. My dad's sleeping on the sofa while the football's on TV. I'm sat here writing this, drinking my bottle of water and cracking my joints periodically. The weather always does this to me, at least when it's this humid. Nothing comes without a catch I suppose. I feel like sleeping, but I'm not tired and there are things I want to do. It is beautiful though. No rose comes without thorns.

People. The more time I spend with them, the more I realise the paradox that is this simple fact - we're all so different, but we're all the same. A lot of the things we do so often go unnoticed. The things we think. The things we feel. These things that we never say to anyone or ever act on. Or maybe sometimes we do, but nothing comes of it. The things we want to do but we're held back. We get tired. Tired of other people. Tired of ourselves. We get lost. And in our loss, we become a lost cause.

My cause is lost. That's why I need Jesus. Why I need Him to be my cause. Why everyone else becomes my cause. He changes everything.

Out.

Art. Hardbound.

It's been over a month since my last post. My apologies (though I'm unsure how many people could be bothered to notice, being summer and all... Yes? No?).

This morning it's cool and cloudy. I'm loving it. Starting to feel a lot like september does - cloudy, possibly rainy, and most importantly, cool. It's strange how in my mind I associate September with the notion of new beginnings and a new year more than I do for Spring. I know a lot of people share this, the school system being as it is. Point being September gets me excited for a new year. New possibilities. Time to do things well this year. The fresh air after the first rain. Jackets. Tea. Christmas.

The Handmaid's Tale - one weird book. That said, having almost finished it, I've gotten to enjoy it. Yes, this means I am actually going to sit for English A level this year. Also, I'm starting to be attracted to classical literature. This has never happened before, and something tells me that a few pages into most classical literature and I'll just give up and plonk it back down. But then again every time I walk into a bookshop (the way they re-designed agenda at Uni with the awesome classics section... Simon you know what I mean) I find myself desperate for smart card to come in so I can pick up volumes on Dante and Keates and those little green penguin classics that cost just 2 euros (well ok, I think I'd prefer the nicer looking covers, but still, they're there). I think that my love of literature has another philia superimposed on it - the love of books (bibliophilia :D). Just the way they look, they smell, they sit there on the shelves. Knowing that they contain some beautiful expression of the human experience, even if I myself don't appreciate it as much as another would. You don't need to be an artist to know when a work is a masterpiece. You don't have to be a musician to be moved by a piece. (I'm not sure if the latter really applies... technically. Hmm.). My reading list at the moment goes well into 2011. It's scary. And I'm building up more backlog as it is - decided I want to read most of Paulo Coelho and C.S. Lewis (except for the narnia stuff) when I can get down to it.

Something else that I've pondered is the different types of readers that there are. Well, types. Look at it in the way of the different qualities that readers portray. For example, Achie's blog had (has?) a quote (quote?) written on the top about how readers are stalkers by nature, being interested in the character's most personal details, be they fictional or not. Myself, I'm more the escapist. Reading propels you into a world where you have the privilage of knowing the thoughts and actions of characters on both sides, seeing the qualities of what makes us us portrayed, and working the wondrous tool that is our imagination. Reading lets me get away from it all, even if I'm still sitting in the midst of it all. What type are you?

Out.

Soul Survivor

It's 23:36, I have to wake up at 05:00 to get ready and make sure I have everything and be at the airport by 06:30. Most people are either going to sleep or trying to finish packing. I'm packed. I think I've forgotten something though. Don't know what it is (obviously), it's just that feeling. I need to go pray soon before I try and sleep. I hope I manage to sleep. I'm really, really excited. Really.

Out.

Extra dimensions... in my pants

Presently I sit here with my nice cuppa tea underneath the AC at my dad's after having just returned from exiles with lanf, krissie and zoe. It's been an uneventful day, but in a nice kind of way. Woke up to the builders next door banging on the other side of my bedroom wall. One glass of juice and a teeth brushing later and I'm out of the door on the way to my dad's to catch up with some PS3 time. I borrowed Resident Evil 5 from mike and spent a good 2 hours on it. It surprises me how much I'm no longer able to play games for hours on end like I used to. I just get bugged after a bit. Guess I'm growing out of it. I actually felt a bit bad for having bought a PS3 cause I hardly use the thing, I've only got like 5 games after almost 2 years... ajma.

Tomorrow my bookcase arrives and I'm really pleased about that. It's actually a kind of shelving unit for a cafe, but basically it's exactly the same as the actual bookcases in the range only it's a bit bigger and it's got mirrors in the back boards of the top two shelves. I know I'm ranting on about a bookcase but I kind of like the idea of having cafe furniture in my bedroom. I might have slyed my way into getting a modern double bed too, but we'll have to see about that XD

Been back from the north for less than a week but it feels like more than that, already adjusted to life back home again. Something about the string theory being a candidate for the theory on Everything just came up on national geographic. Num num.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 5

So here we are, the final entry in the big Germanic adventure. As I sit here it seems to have flown by, it's weird how much you can get used to a place in a month. But a month has indeed passed and now it's time to head back to the rock. Tomorrow I pack my bag and head out. Time here was great, but it's always a great feeling to head back home.

Learnt a lot over these past weeks, aside from the medical stuff. For one thing I got a little taste of what it means to live 'alone'. I realised how much i need to spend time alone now and then, just appreciating your own space and having the time to sit back and think about things. Even doing simple chores around the place can have a kind of meditative effect, I've really grown to love it. Most of all, being away gave me a little perspective on my relationships, just how much my friends and family mean to me. Well that and being able to order a subway sandwich without saying 'uhhh' every other second. Subway rules by the way. But yeah, I'm tired of the German now. It was nice before, now I just want people to know what the heck I'm trying to say XD

Anyhow, tonight we go out and party for the last time with the friends we've made here, and have my last few rounds of the awesomeness that is German beer. I swear, I don't think I can go back to cisk now... Tomorrow, trains and planes XD

Oh and lets not forget, 12 days to Soul Survivor... oooooo baby....

Out.

An Itinerary: part 4

I sit on the floor of Mike's flat while 'With everything" plays in the background. Weather's currently quiet, and as usual everything's quiet. Well, with the exception of the occassional raven cawing on top of the window. They seem to be Germany's substitute for cats. Spent the last couple of hours after lunch watching band of brothers since going down to Konstanz wasn't worth it as we've got work at 7:30... ah work...

Night shifts. It's a little weird waking up around 11 o clock in the morning, lazying around for most of the day and then going IN for work at 7 30 at night. We've got our last one this evening, I might actually kind of miss them, I think only cause Chris lets us off at around 2am since things get a little slow at that point. The hospital's really quiet, and work depends on how many patients come in. Last night was amusing to say the least, had one delirious patient in who kept talking to himself very loudly in German and kept getting up and wandering around the emergency department. Then spent a good 2 hours waiting for Chris to try and convince an old lady to stay in hospital cause she had a serious condition. She wasn't listening much, which is weird after she came in by herself. Eh, patients...

Lanf and Annie came over from last Thursday to Monday. Man I laughed so much. I've already forgotten just what it's like when you put a lot of Maltese people together in one place. Went to Zurich on saturday and that was awesome, it was really cold and raining and in my opinion only made the city look so much cooler. Went to an art gallery and got to see some Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet and a host of other ones I've never hear of. Funnily enough I enjoy looking at the modern art more than the work of antiquity. I can't say why, it just stands out more. Oh and I got my fill of starbucks, gotta love them cinnamon rolls XD

So today week we'll be back, I'm looking forward to it to be honest. The trip's been good fun but at this point we've done and seen everything there is to see and do. Just a weekend and a week left of work. Oh and we learned how to operate a washing machine.I'm semi-independant now, I just need to figure out how to iron...

Out.

An Itinerary: part 3

Sorry for the relative lack of updates, been busy doing not much at all to be honest. Here come ze bullets...

> Krissie's here :) She arrived yesterday after a crazy 10 hour train ride which had 5 connections. I admire her bravery, I'd definately be lost in Poland right now if i were in her place. We spent the day down in Konstanz yesterday, didn't do much except go from lunch to coffee to mass and then back to the apartment to watch a dvd. It's kind of cool now cause we know where all the really good cafe's and coffee shops are. And the coffee shops are amazing - the atmosphere, the food, everything. Really wish we had places like these back home. Mass was in German again, but this time they had a 5 piece choir which was amazing. I mean it. It was like something from the soundtrack of Gladiator or Kingdom of Heaven. Absolutely brilliant XD

> Haven't been doing much since chris is away except going round to eat at different places and browsing the shops. I've bought three jackets in 2 days XD I know it's a bit excessive, but i have a thing for jackets. The weather's been crazy. It rained practically all day yesterday and today it was pretty hot and sunny. I got to wear shorts (havent done that since the day we arrived). Got work this week from wednesday to friday. Lanf and Analise come up on thursday, looking forward to that XD Shame kris leaves us tomorrow to go be with her mom and sis. X'taghmel :P

Not much else to say, sorry for the lack of emails to those who have been sending me. I'll try reply at some point :) Been spending a lot of time reading my book. The good thing about being here is that i get to have a good deal of time alone should i choose to. That said i spend most of the time out or with mike but as for quiet times, just sitting in me really comfy chair reading, or really just thinking about things, it's great.

And i want to have sloping ceilings back home, they're the shizzle.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 2

Prima.

First off, internet connection here is hard to come by - no wifi (or land lines for that matter) in our apartments. We should be able to use the computers at hospital now and again once we start work on monday. Mike might buy an internet key, issa naraw. Insomma, updates!

> Zurich. Now that's an airport. I don't know how we actually managed to get into Singen, buying train tickets when you don't know exactly where you're going is hard, and catching trains while lugging around 30Kgs is... tiring :) Somehow we made it.

> German trains, Mike keeps being amazed at how precise they are with the times, it really is quite amazing.

> Spent the last two days going around and buying food, drinking beer (german beer, nuff said) and doing a buttload of walking. We've both got blisters. I think I'm going to come back with calf muscles the size of an actual calf. Oh and we're right on the border of switzerland so the chocolate... yeah...

> Slept over at fonsu's last night after an evening of family guy (oh the death of my brain cells) and lots of time splitters on the wii. Yup, still nerds. Very nice place though and it's really quiet.

>Mass in german. The longest Our Father. Ever.

Somms, I'm off cause the other two are getting impatient. We're off to go see some island on the lake or something and grab some lunch. Will try uploading some videos or something if connection and time permit.

Oh and I've discovered I hate making small talk. Really do.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 1

It is currently 9:41 and while "slow dancing in a burning room" plays on youtube for the lostcount-eenth time, I check last minute internet things before I go off to take things out of my suitcase, walk around a lot and then put them back in, all the while mumbling about how I'm definately not going to have enough stuff. I just learned apparantly it's hot there and that I should take a beach towel... my suitcase needs an extension... preferably one bigger than the suitcase itself...

I have also just learned that there's no internet in our rooms... to quote chris, "can't you guys go 4 weeks without porn?". Yes, this is the person who'll be overseeing us over the next 4 weeks. Quite. XD Somms, cause of this I don't know how often the blogging/emailing is going to occur, I have no real idea what the area we're staying in is going to be like - it could be a quiant little town area or practically the middle of nowhere. In any case, I hope I'll be able to find access either in the hospital itself or maybe in some cafe nearby.

Mike and I have decided we should randomly just go on a european adventure, just not turn up for wards and leave a not saying "gone to Italy, be back soon". That said I don't know if we're even going to find our way out of Zurich. Neither of us have ever gone abroad alone before and we have to catch about 3 train connections before the day is ended. And everything's in German. I'll take videos, promise XD

Out.

Packing

Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
And everybody bleeds this way
Just the same

Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away
I will stay

Out.

In Waves

It starts with the gentle plucking, a regular melody that catches your ear and leaves you wanting. The voice appears and ushers in an identity and a meaning, a notion of an experience.
Then the keys fill out the lower ends just as the chorus rolls in and the depth appears just as you catch a glimpse of the soul, the fleeting outskirts of the emotion.
The rhythm sets down as the beat kicks in, the sharp contrast and vibrance of the second verse pulling you down from the pause of the refrain. Now your foot starts tapping and you start to sway. Now the words start to speak to you.
The high end notes gently dropped off just before you're lifted into the chorus again, the words melting into one another, filling your head and rolling out of your own mouth as they become yours. The guitar building and building on the base. Your need to move something from within moving in parallel with it. Just as the words merge the music sprouts alone, breaking for a moment from the lyrics, setting the pace, setting apart.
And then lifts the bridge, the words gently laying down the soul of the song, the meaning of the emotion, a gentle change in the melody line, a song that becomes a voice. An emotion that becomes a moment.
As it rounds back into the chorus for a final time, everything slowly slips over one another and fades ever so gently, until there is nothing left but silence and the memory of a moment.



Out.

New horizons

Freedom is HERE!!

After weeks of cramming and room 101-ing, summer is finally here. And in typical summer style, except for sleeping, I think i've been home for a total of about 3 hours in the past 2 days XD

This week is near-to-insanely busy... exiles, meetings, intercession, jamming, party, posters to design, masses to animate... arr arr! It's a good kind of busy though, always better than having nothing to do.

It's currently 8:17 am (at the point of writing this, obviously) and I'm sat here with "Freedom is here" playing rather loudly and thinking about how I'm going to restring my PRS without the aid of a tuner... not sure how that's going to get done so I'm probably going to have to ask mike if I can use his at our jam session today (my current strings are just way too rusted to be played).

Not to parallel Ache's post, but I bought new shoes yesterday (along with a pair of jeans and a top - gotta love diesel warehouse sales). They're converse high-top style Levi's. And they're red. Kris, you would be proud XD

I'm starting to get rather excited about all the things that are going on/are going to go on this summer. Besides the two trips abroad (I'm trying to sort out a way to vlog the germany adventure, we'll see about it though..) there's a lot of playing to be done with a lot of different people, that's gonna be awesome. There's the stuff we've got planned for Youthful Worship. Lately it had just become a bit of a burden, but now with the weight of Uni temporarily subsiding, we can focus on it again. Now I'm eager to go all out for God again, and just go, do, give, see, hear, and be.

Speaking of which, I need to strive further to running this race to which we have been called. Ever felt like at some point in your relationship you slipped back ever so slightly cause of everything else going on and always meant to go back, go deeper, look beyond, but then got caught up? And then got complacent? And then got comfortable? Ever made a promise to change the way you're living and give more of yourself for others, even total strangers, and then things just went back to the way they were? This summer I want to awake again. I want to encounter God again. I want to help those I have the grace to help, and be there for the ones I can't. I want to mean what I sing when I go down to our meetings. I want to be broken. I want to surrender. I want to tear down the walls.

But all I can do is talk, which alone are empty words.

Lord, break us. Bring us to our knees. Break the foundations of our comfortable world. Change this heart, this mind, this soul. Make these hands and feet Yours, and take whatever we have, whatever You've given us, and use it for your Kingdom. Cause it's You that's saving the world. You save. You heal. You teach. You lead. You change. We speak, but our words are empty. But your words are life. You do. Tear down these walls, O God.



Out.

Smells like vintage

Moses supposes his toeses are roses but khalilah knows just how to cook the meat. I'll forever think of both those songs now whenever 101 is mentioned XD

One exam left to go. How terribly exciting. It actually really isn't... ever since half of everyone started their holidays a little over a week ago I basically started it with them... which probably isn't for the best... pathology paper yesterday is proof of that. You know how there are people who always come out of an exam and say things like "illallu i got this section all wrong" or "uff i think i failed for sure" and all this and then they get 80's and over. There are people in my course are like that. I used to be like that. Thing is, I'm not anymore. These days I come out of an exam and if someone asks me how I went my very honest answer is "I have absolutely no frackin idea". It's kind of surreal really (albeit in a very nerdy way) :) Still, it's fun seeing people's bemusement when you turn up for exams with a tan and in swimming trunks and a big smile on your face XD

Sommies, the last week has been rather fun. Went to the beach on friday with Lanf and we both got really sunburnt. Because of this i've developed a very close relationship with my new spray sunblock. Yesterday, ahhh exiless. Playing werewolf for half the day was rather fun... and Elaine I'm sorry I sacrficed us, morals were too strong... my heart will go on, promise :P

Watched Nick and Nora's infinite playlist at mike's house with krissie in between the afternoon and evening beach sessions yesterday. It was a strange yet enjoyable film. What I really liked about it is that it was, for the most part, realistic. There's no suave talk or perfectly timed co-incidences, but rather an abundance of awkward silences, lame jokes, and people constantly having to use their mobile phones to find where other people are. This doesn't make the film as picturesque as most others, but it made it much more realistic in my opinion, and I liked that. Never mind that I think most of my friends and I fit into the sub-culture type portrayed there... and the film's centered around the music scene... and there's a scene in a recording studio... and a vintage fender... XD

Roll on Summer

> Pharma was... not nice. I never like going to exams with only last minute preparation. Might have passed, might not have.

> My Jack Johnson cd's finally arrived, and thanks to Krissie I've now got All Across The Earth too (which is amazing). I'm so oversaturated with new music, it's budaful XD

> Been at chap almost all day all week. Internet getting rather neglected.. summer routine starting i spose :)

> I bought a phone yesterday. I just got fed up with my old one. She served me well for 3 years, and still was doing so yesterday insomma (except for when i tried to write a message and twice it cancelled it instead of inserting a space). I was in the mood. Also apparantly Malcolm LOVES mobile shopping, he's somewhat of an expert. How could I refuse?

> Went to watch Terminator Salvation last night with Mike, Luca, Sara, Ache and Mina. The film was rather disappointing. Well I mean it's terminator, go figure. I think i built a hype around it cause of Christian Bale, no Arnie, no time travel, and the climax of the story. I actually think the filmography was really good (much better then the other ones anyway) but the plot was shallow. Not all that much happens and almost all that does is given away in the trailer. Shame.

> Medicine exam tomorrow. Meh. Got into that mid-exam period where you just really can't be bothered to study much anymore. Heq.

Out.

Those Brownies

Bongu tfal.

!!SURGERY IS OVER!! *seizure time*

Quite happy with the paper, I think I passed XD Went round to room 101 and spent a good couple of hours chilling on the bean bags with the usual crowd. Good times, good times :)

Tonight I start the grande crusade of pharmacology. The exam's on monday, I don't know what exactly the paper format is, what notes I have or don't have, or really what they contain. Fun, fun. I'm quite relaxed about it though, will be fine I'm sure. So I'll be in almost all weekend, will probably go out for the pentecost thing tomorrow night unless I find I've really underestimated this exam.... naaaaaaahhh.... XD

As I was walking up the stairs when I arrived home today the light was a little dull, a sense of twilight if you will (don't go there :P), and everything was quiet. Just the sound of the tv in the background. It had that calming sense of stillness that i always associate with the gray light of dusk or dawn. It was just a moment, but a beautiful one. And now I've got this prolonged mood on me that I think will last all night. I hope so in any case, it's a wonderful feeling. It also crossed my mind about how happy I am in that my studies don't mean the world to me. For some people their course and their work is everything, their world, their life. If they had to fail it's like their world would end. I don't particularly want to fail, but even if I had to, life would move on. I still have the most wonderful friends ever, am part of a community that, despite all its faults and drama, I love, a great family, and most of all a great God. I mean really, God has been so good. No matter what happens, all I have or ever will have is more than I deserve or could ever ask for.

Out.

Like the Koran

Time for an update methinks no?

saturday spent the day ending the chapter of chapters in surgery, buying shoes and a shirt for the wedding, and then a night by the beach with ze guitars. It was rather fun, though the night passed really quickly from my point. Everyone left by about 12 :S looking for repeat performances though, +/- guitars :)

sunday oh sunday. I can't believe that Joe and Ang are married. I got to know them both pretty well as soon as I entered community, which was 4 years ago now, and now they're married. MARRIED. wow. The mass was great and the reception, everything I would expect XD Had an awesome time indeed :) God bless them with many many little magginis, I really can't wait for that *insert ANOTHER smiley here!!* XD

monday i'm car-less again, and this time I don't know for how long. It's being kept at the service centre until the boffins either figure out what's wrong with it or give up. I managed to avoid catching a bus yesterday (thanks Gruber), something which I don't think I'm going to manage today... ajma, 101 as usual then insomma.

I'm having trouble keeping up with all the blogs, I logged on yesterday and almost the entire bloglist had updated. Spending most of my time outside with limited computer access so forgive me if I'm not up to date with all of you :P

I wanted to write a bit of an introspective piece about my recent attitude... though i'm not entirely in the mood so I doubt this'll come out very well imma insomma. Recently I've felt like I've been talking about myself a lot... blog post comments, comments in general, real life conversations... just been analysing my behaviour lately and seeing the number of times I reference "I" and "me", and I'm rather perturbed. It's natural for people to talk about themselves, especially around those they're closest to. You hardly even notice it then, and it's normally reciprocal. That said, I don't particularly like to talk about myself a lot unless prompted to. It makes me feel self-centered, which I really hope is not the case, cause I don't want to be that type of person... though i've given it some thought and I think what it really relates to is God. Recently I've been preoccupied with all the things happening around me that I've neglected my prayer time, my relationship with the creator. And, ever so slowly, I think I'm starting to put Him back into that little box I had let Him out of four years ago. As there's less of God in my life, everything becomes about me, what I want and think and am. I know where that road leads, and it's barren. A life worth living is never lived for oneself. It's time the box got thrown out.

Out.

1:24 am

I've been reading about the general complications of surgery since 8:30... well, factor in facebook, twitter (i did tweet a lot), and my research on the original 60's star trek, the fifth element, final fantasy: the spirits within and some other one from 98' about robin williams dying and going to heaven but leaving it to go look for his wife in hell that i can't remember the name of... don't know how i remembered about that one, i was really little when i saw it.... google 'robin williams heaven' if you're curious (it's how i found it).

It's been really quiet all night, mostly cause i decided to not put on my itunes. Really quiet. Hekk.

William Shatner in the 60's! The dude was THIN!! well, ish. For shatner it's thin. He doesn't look all that different from Pine to be honest, the hair's the major thing. And well, the sixtiesness... The new generation stuff looks shite though.

I've been beaten, I'll do the summary tomorrow morning. I don't do this late night crap.

Out.

Falling

I sat down to do my quiet time this evening and this song just came out. I'm not sure why I wrote it and it definately has parallel meanings, one of which is a requiem. It's called Falling...

As the last breath is drawn
Shadows flee at Your call
Time is here, here and now
And Your voice is sweeter still

Draw me closer now
I'm falling deeper now

Your grace has carried me so far
These feet have walked, burned and scarred
Awake, O my soul
It's time to follow

Let the waters flow
Wash me in Your love

Let the waters flow
Wash me in Your love
Draw me closer now
I'm falling deeper now
I'm falling

Out.

Cheesy Crust Pony

I need to learn to stop putting dvd's in my cd drive...

Just got back home from Sunday lunch at the Pitch with the family and need to get down to some work soon. I'm in a really good/hyper mood, though it's subsiding now which has enabled me to actually write this... random events of the weekend, in reverse order:

> Lanf, you kill me. Videos of self studying, grandmasters and napolean, the absence of sweat glands and nye house parties. I could never love you more XD

> I heard mass at the pitch this morning and Fr Mike was celebrating it! And, just because that's the embarassing type of person he is, he gave me a shout out during the homily. Awesome.

> Last night. Oh man. Simon and Lanf basically summed up everything I could want to say about the night. Ivan, I could adopt you. More as a pet than a child though :P

> The praise session at y4j was great, I've long felt the need to strip away the accessories too. Funnily enough I always find that I'm most touched in praise and worship when there's just a few people and we can really focus on God. In fact I think personally nothing really compares to the praise i have with God alone at home. Maybe it's cause i know i don't have to focus on anything else and can just rest in Him... but really I suspect it's not of our making but just a question of how open we are and about when He chooses to move something within us... this usually involves me crying a lot... without the involvement of ice age, can you believe it? (if you didn't get this last bit, don't worry, you're normal... or well... i won't get into the arguement of what is normal...).

> Community on friday was the usual shindig, though I got into the worship more than I usually do... I have to lead next week *gulp*... we went to burger king afterwards, and, i will note, i saw the guy reach into a microwave, pull out a burger, and put it onto my tray. I say no more. Please can we not go to these places anymore? Please.

I have to take my car in for a service tomorrow morning. Poor Naomi's got something wrong with her exhaust and she's basically going into lapses of lifelessness despite me flooring it. Off to spend the day at Uni after that, finding I study more there than at home, and at least I get to be outside. Much much love.

Also, um, last note. This summer i'm going to have to make a big decision about what I'm going to do with my life. Details will follow eventually, but not for now. Prayers are very much appreciated :)

Out.

The urge to let the world know about nothing in particular

Big men with big drills outside my bedroom window at 7am. Good morning.

Today was kind of uneventful. I crawled out of bed and after doing the everyday things at home set off to university to spend some hours in the library. After spending a good two hours trying to learn some surgery I headed off to meet Dan and have a snack at Hugo's. He informed me that apparantly it's going to rain on saturday (it's his birthday on saturday, everyone remember to tell him he's not really getting that old). Anyways, I then headed off to DMM to carry on with ze studies (which wasn't as successful as the first round) in the company of Veronica, Malcolm, Jes, Mina, Daniela etc etc etc. Also the archbishop popped up, that was nice. XD

After that Simon came down and we went round to Lanf's Siggiewi house to have some time of intercession for the current and future university students. It was strange cause it's the first time that we (the marana tha group and the y4j group) have actively done something together, be it as small as it was. That said it was pretty great, I can't wait for doors to open and hands to move :)

Highlights of the week:

> I love agenda booksales. I got a total of six books over the week, including Einstein's theory of relativity (did I mention this in the last blog? I can't remember... *shrug*) and part of La Divina Commedia (I thought i had got all of it but upon further inspection it was only the bit on purgatory). I doubt I'll actually ever read those two in particular, but I think they're just things that one should own. You know, in general. I really, really, really want a bookcase.

> I joined twitter this week *moment of shame*. I always join social networking sites when I end up being bored and having someone near me to tell me to do it. With facebook it was my dad. With twitter it was Simon. Also note that twitter is refusing to work tonight and this is upsetting me. *more shame* But now I know what Tony Hawk is up to XD

> Thanks to Krissie for sending me the entire John Mayer album, and thanks to Achie for sending it to her. I tried listening to it on my iPods (i figured out why all my songs got removed the other day, it's what happens when you're synching your 'recently added' songs) while studying. It kind of worked out.

First exam next week... oh boy...

Out.

A night at the residence of Lady Loz

So so so so sooooo!!

Yesterday I went out for mother's day lunch with my mom and my grandparents, and returned home to get down to some much needed studying... which turned into repeated bouts of falling asleep in my reading chair... and evolved into going round to pick up simon to go to Laura's house for a dvd and some laughs. I will say this, I had a really, really good time. XD

Laura's apartment looks pretty much like any other single bedroom uni student-esque apartment I've seen, yet further probing revealed little bits of lay loz's personality which I found to be rather awesome and which I shall now share with you for you should appreciate the awesomeness of laura.

First off, the computer. A G4 macbook pro. Need I say more? Not just that but the top screen bit is customized with what I can only describe as parquee flooring for laptops. XD

Item number two: her mousepad is the rosetta stone. It didn't impress me when Simon pointed it out but then I actually saw it and well, it's the fracking rosetta stone!! Apparantly loz is somewhat of an egyptology enthusiast. Culture: check.

Item number three: the dvd collection. Bear in mind this is a single mid twenties girl we're talking about, so there are certain things you expect, such as 27 dresses, 27 dresses 2, mamma mia and several other musicals. What I didn't expect was all the Indiana Jones dvds, the original three Star Wars movies (episodes four through six), the Matrix trilogy and the Fifth Element. The Fifth Element!! I say no more.

The smithsonian choir was a good laugh, along with who knows how many things we got out of watching that. We really should make a proper spoof of the thing. I then subjected laura to brotherhood 2.0 and all things nerdfighteria. It is now only a matter of time XD

Having a bit of a John Mayer fest tonight. Man, it's just one of those times when I don't want to ask God for anything, but just thank Him for all that He's given.

Out.

A crossing

Tell me where to go and I'll go.
Tell me what to do and give me the grace, and I'll do it.
Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll speak.
Show me where I should move and that's where I'll go.
That's where I want to be.

I wonder what you're thinking, if your thoughts are like mine.
I hear the words you're speaking, but they don't match the look in your eyes.
They're not the words I want to hear.
But neither are mine.
Tell me what you want me to speak, and I'll speak.
Tell me what's there in front of you, and I'll echo it back.
It's not the beginning, or the end, it's just a page in a book and a note in a symphony.
But if you want it to be there, it will be.

Where do you want me to go?
Where do you want me to be?
Is it where I'm going?
If it isn't, would you guide me?
If it is, would you tell me?
I think it is.

Chaos and Relativity

Updates 3 days in a row... wonders never cease...

Made a few changes to the layout, hope everyone likes. I do, even though it's a tad busy. I kind of like the business actually XD

This isn't a real blog. Just want to point out 2 things:

1) Re the vlog. I know guys, I'm sorry, I just really felt like. I don't know if there'll be more of them, if there are I'm not gonna post them up here. You'll have to check out the youtube channel XD

2) I came across this today. I am utterly butterly in love:



Out.

I know, I know...

I know that I blogged yesterday and blogging everyday is not something that I (or most people) do but I had a couple of things that I wanted to share and I found myself with the time to share them so the sharing has begun. It prompted me to this:



I've also discovered John's blog today. The obsession I'm developing to the following of John Green and the subsequent imitation is something that I have indeed noticed and is probably a cause for concern. This could get several balls rolling. To several degrees. I'm on your screenz, spamming your brainz.

Out.

Roots

> I just filled in a couple of facebook quizzes, just cause you know, they're there, one of which told me I'm Cyrus the Great. I didn't know who Cyrus is, so I wiki'd him: "the founder of the Persian Empire under the Achaemenid dynasty, which was an empire without precedent— a world-empire of major historical importance". Of course I'm not actually Cyrus the great, but eastern history is so cool XD

> Was contemplating life in a global manner the other night and realised that pretty much no matter what happens (or well, as far as i can foresee with the limited amount of sight that I have) the life I'm leading (and safe to say most of my friends, meaning you guys, are leading) is really awesome and nothing can really change that. I mean sure, things come and go that stress us out or put us down occassionally, but they come and they go. Overall everything is really so great and we're all so very blessed. Just making the observation really...

> Was listening to this song today while taking a break from trying to study:



Made me happy that summer's on it's way again, but more so than that, it reminded me of the times I've been through with people I've known and basically everything that's helped make me who I am over the years. I don't know why it did this, considering I only heard the song for the first time about a year ago... nonetheless I've now got this urge to go back to my roots and rediscover those things that are personal to me and my experience of life. I don't really know what brought this on, maybe a sense of feeling lost in myself lately... summat like that... more reflections and all things pensive to follow...maybe.

Out.

How many rings, Dante?

I'm taking a short break in between studies and I've got nothing to do so here's a couple of randomers:

1. It's a fantastic day outside! The weather was gnarly yesterday but the sun's out and it's all quiet... funnily enough I don't have the urge to be outside, content to sit in my reading chair and study (mostly cause everyone's hermitising now).

2. I have a reading chair now. And a lamp. XD

3. I need to organise my books. When I say I need to, I don't really but I want to. They're situated all over the house and I want to gather them in one central bookshelf in my room... though I'm lacking a bookshelf and place to put one...

4. Yesterday I got fed up of studying and went into another "I-don't-want-to-do-this-buttkiss-anymore"... also I was very worried that I am in no way going to be able to pass my exams. Today I'm peachy though XD

5. I did really badly in my mock clinical exam last saturday. Really badly. You know those times in life where you feel like a complete and utter brainless twat? One of those.

6. I have developed an addiction to watching John Green vlog. Originally I mocked ache for being a nerdfighter. Now I find I think I'm one myself. Awesome.

7. I refuse to join twitter. Just because.

8. Firefox has this new skins thing (I've already forgotten what it's actually called) that I find very amusing. My browser menu now has 4 random animals (including a unicorn) playing an arcade game in the background.

9. I think I've successfully uploaded all the music I have that I will ever conceivably listen to onto my ipod... it's about 2G worth... out of 120G... Also I've developed the sickest addiction to podcasts. Ever.

10. Lookie at this pretty picture I drew for Claire

It's for the cover of this year's edition of Murmur (annual medical student magazine). I admit it's a little half-arsed, which is something I never like doing, but I'd end up spending all day on photoshop to get something I'm happy with. Still, there it be.

Out.

I will grant you that they're a little bit needy

First off, glad to see how much attention the vlog (i'll concede that yes it is technically a vlog) has generated... most of the comments confirming my suspicions that we're still the same 17-year-old geeky little idiots on the inside... XD

So yesterday my parents got back from Israel, the ten days of me and sim being scarily similar to a married couple are over, and life goes back to normal. Me moms got me an ipod as an early birthday present. 120G classic, it's epicly vast, and i agree with mike who thinks i'll never actually fill it, which is basically why i wanted a big one.

This weekend we've got the FBGMFI (actually learnt what it is!!) conference weekend at the Topaz in Bugibba. I'm only going up tonight and tomorrow for the worship sessions though cause i really need to try and study. I really, really do. I've promised myself I won't rant on about my studies like I used to in older blogs, so I'll keep it to a minimum... I've just lost the ability to study, it feels like my brain's stuck in second gear trying to sludge through toffee-r-us. I study for half an hour (staring for 10 min of that) then have to take a half hour break cause i'm already tiring... and after i'm done i can't actually pin-point anything i've learned... meh...

Mock clinical exam tomorrow... hurrrrrr... Though I've learned not to get caught up in all the tension, the sun will still rise, friends will still be there, God is still God and life will go on no matter what happens. I'm not the books I don't study. I'm not the exams I fail. I'm not the time wasted on facebook XD

Out.

Fly, you fools

Was going through my files and stumbled upon this:



That was June 2005, almost four years ago. I find it scary how nerdy we both looked and sound. Just give to an idea of how things change, we thought we'd give an update:



April 2009, things have changed. Well, we hope so.

Out.

I really, really have to start studying properly...

...really.

Out.

Stream

I woke up this morning, not knowing why, or when, or how. I opened my eyes and I felt and I knew. The world is quiet. Quiet and still. Dim shades of light and shadows of all the hues of grey made up my world. This is the world I see everyday. Intricate patterns and shapes on the ceiling, the picture of a beach at twilight on the wall. I've looked at them again and again, they're always the same, but the answers I try to find in them seem to change. I seem to change. Days, months, years, they were all so well defined once, so limitless. Now as they merge themselves in memory the past seems to leak into the present and I can't tell one from the other even as I live it. And yet now none of them exist. Now is all there is. I should wake, I should get up and walk into the world, into routines and times and things to do and places to be. I should get up. But I don't. I lay here, in this dim glow, entertained by my thoughts of what is and what could be. I'm only humouring myself I know, I can't predict what will happen, why what has happened did, what you or I thought or felt. Only a memory and a perception. Or rather the memory of a perception. How incredibly far from the truth that can be. Still it's nice to wonder. To dream. To hope. I close my eyes.

Out.

Generation Worship

The energy and expectation of what God is doing, the hope and the love. This is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm working for.




Last night. I want to thank everyone who was involved in setting up, everyone involved in the filming, everyone who came and gave their all, and God, the glory is Yours alone. It was so, so hectic. Since they were filming we needed to go on and on at the end, just when I think we should stop Pauline tells me to play another song. It was so tiring. Half way through things like tempo, keys, chords and lyrics ceased to exist. All there was was a semi-distorted sound blasting out of my monitor into my brain and if it sounded like it was together, then it was ok. I felt all over the place. Half the time I felt like I was probably singing off key. The rest of the time I couldn't hear my guitar. Most of the time I wasn't really conscious of what the other people where playing. It was chaos, but a beautiful kind of chaos. In that chaos I gave my all out to God. It probably wasn't the best anyone has seen or heard, I'm pretty sure it wasn't, but it was all we had, all I had, and I gave it all. And in that moment I knew that God was there.

Now I wait for the next moment, I live in love, in expectation, of what God is doing, of what work of His I can bless, of the next moment I can again give my all.




Out.

Ordinary Life

Take me and invade me
Make me someone new
Wake me from the dead
And break me with the truth.

Out.

Spring!

It's here! :D

I'm nerding out at periodicals in the library. I have no idea what periodicals are.

*Surgeon squints as his hands move further into the patient's abdomen*

*Surgeon pauses as a singular yet determined gush of blood starts to squirt out from somewhere inside the deep, dark cavity*

*Surgeon mumbles 'I really should have gone to that lecture...'*

Out.

While eating copius amounts of pasta

It's Tuesday afternoon and the sun has reared it's face for the first time in 3 days I think. I am happy :D

Re a lot of the comments on my last blog: I AM NOT SAD! I AM A HAPPY PERSON! I read all the comments with everyone telling me to cheer up and that it'll be alright and I was like "why? what's wrong with me?" *shrug* I did a bit of ranting i'll admit but really I'm fine guys, no need to sound so concerned. Ajma :)

I mentioned the Spring affecting ze creative processes... got another song I'm working on, which I shall now share with you... it's called Reign...

I've got doubts runnin' through my mind
About the life I'm livin', like where is it all going
Started out with the best of intentions
But somehow my directions got lost in my translation
Along the way, Lord won't you please show me
The path that you've made for me, a better-ending story
Cause I want to be what you want for me
And what you want for me is so beyond me
So won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

I've got doubts and about a hundred questions
Philosophical reflections, human interpretations
Of this life and our day to day livin
The love I should be givin' I can't find it within'
Myself, and nobody's got the answers, it's like the blind leading
The blind leading the blind, won't you help me find my way
Back to you, Father true and merciful
I'm asking please won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

If you would come and take your place
In this heart of mine
In this heart of mine

Out.

We only have One Life

Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And exhale. This is going to be a long post... and rather disjointed...

This morning has not been good. Last night I was in a bit of a mood, those you know me well enough noticed I think. I think it was the product of a band session which was a bit of a let down. I was really, really looking forward to it (especially after a weekend being relatively trapped in a hotel talking about hospital experiences and how I feel about the course and bla bla). I did kind of enjoy it, it was everything I expected it to be, and at the same time not. That hall really does not help, mike's never happy with his sound (cause of the reverb), I can never really hear anything well (cause of the reverb) and mig keeps forgetting what he has to play (because of the drugs :P). Add to that the absence of a bass player (Ian i know you're busy, we miss you), a pianist and a decent singer. eh. Anyways this left me feeling a bit, well disappointed. Wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just kind of detached all night. Kinda thing. So yes, this morning:
> I woke up from having that general feeling last night
> I had a friggin weird dream. I don't know what it involved exactly except that a lot of well you guys who read this were in it, and it involved a large white house, and I don't mean obamaism.
> Lost an hour of sleep.
> Wanted to wake up at 8 to get an early start on my assignments. Either my alarm didn't ring or i switched it off in my sleep. I woke up at 10 dazed and confused.
> The sky looks like someone vomited on it.
> No milk... which means no cereal.... which means no breakfast....
> I get an email informing me i have a mock exam in 2 weeks, and actual exams in 4.

Meh. Bear in mind I haven't shaved for about 2 weeks now so I look like darwin's evolution drawings, about 3 stages back, but then what's new.

Exams, exams, exams. They're getting really close now, and I have so, so, so, so, so much i have to cover. The fact that I've got things like youthful worship, the conference and the mime, worship team, giving my slum survivor witness on friday, possibly animating millenium chapel BJ's mass thingy, and who knows what else going on does not help. At all. Eh, the stress begins... well relative stress, I seem to not be able to get too stressed about exams these days, life is too short to get stressed. "Life is too short to have bad tone". Mike told me that yesterday, it's a quote from the Droff (Hillsong's premier guitarist). I'm getting into my guitarry nature again. I've spent a good couple of years heavily focused on acoustics and songwriting, and while that's not going to change, the electric is calling me back again. I spent a good amount of time geeking out about fenders and pedals and all things techie with Mike last night, was great (sorry Achie :P).

Anyway the stress crunch is here. I have to stay in all day to finish my family medicine and behavioural science assignments so maybe I can start studying from tomorrow. Behavioural seminar thing (the one i finished yesterday) actually wasn't all that bad this year. We had to watch Patch Adams (again) and ER (the george clooney days) and then reflect on issues mentioned and blar blar. Hurr hurr. I enjoyed it cause our tutor for the weekend was ok, and cause I got to relate to some people in my group who are having doubts about the course too. ^^ I got a cold from it all though *sniff*

I've noticed I've developed a coping mechanism for having lots of work to do which involves listening to copious amounts of a certain artist. Last year it was Jack Johnson *visualise beaches and flip flops*. This year it's looking like it's going to be JJ Heller (Thanks Achie :D). I've been listening to her on loop for the last few days and it's just worked it's way into my system, so much so that I've found myself randomly muttering lyrics to myself now and then. I love how songs can do that, they can become part of you and even though after a while you'll get tired of them and you'll move on to something else, there will always be that imprint of particular song or artist on you.

Speaking of songs, I've been writing quite a few of them. I think there's something about Spring, the weather, the hormones, the promise of new things and the hope of greater heights... Last year my creativity went into overdrive, I was writing songs upon songs, most of which I've forgotten, the good ones I've retained. And 2 of them made it into the recording we did which incidentally was this time last year too. I miss the studio. To be frank it was an immensely humbling experience. Only in the clarity of the studio can you see so vivdly how far you still have to go. That said, we learned so much from the experience (which is good cause i don't really like the final product of the songs we recorded). I've had a growing longing for the past couple of years to get into production, I've always loved it, seeing a song form and become real from basic odds and ends, become something beautiful and personal and living. I think my attraction to film stems from that too. I haven't had much time to write this year, both in terms of songs and poems (which I had promised myself I'd take up again but the few I had got down to doing were on my stolen macbook :'( ). Here's just a little fragment of something I'm working on, I hope I get down to writing it:

All I can do is wait for grace
All I can do is seek your face
In quiet be found
In stillness I wait

You laid down your life, You took my place
And all that I've known
Echoes this thing
This beautiful thing

But we are waiting for a greater glory to fall

The lenten talks have been great as regards inspiration. A big big congrats to everyone involved, it was brilliant! Personally it gave me a bit more of a drive, of connecting with a God who plans for things so great that our heads would just explode if we knew about them now. At one point during the adoration on Thursday I just picked up my phone and started typing out lyrics. It really was great :)

I probably had other things to talk about but I can't remember at this point in time. Love is.

Out.

The BiBlog Experiment

Disclaimer: The following blog is in conjunction with Mr Xmun Callus, who's blog may be found here. Please refer to it in order to make a complete reading of that found here-under. You are about to get confused. Less than three.

As I type this I'm sitting in the communications lab which I have found is a refuge of all things mac on campus. It is rather glorious. §

Indeed. I've also decided that being Fr Mike's personal secretary is rather nice. AND we had sugar cubes! §

I agreed. Insomma, as you can imagine we're both skiving lectures, surprise surprise. Technically we're here to work on assignments. We'll get to that in a bit. §

Illallu, it was brilliant. The dance was fantastic, even though there was the sound mishap. It made me actually want to be involved in a dance like that.... And the worship was brilliant, kudos to Sam and the band ;) §

Yup, pretty much. I'm really looking forward to the rest of them :) Sim I really liked that shot you took of Sam's back by the way, very cool. §

(I've been checking Sim's spelling for those of you who know him well enough... I think that's all of you really... it should be decent this time :P) Something I realised from yesterday is just how long it's been since I sat with the congregation. I've been part of worship team for about 4 years now and not playing during worship is quite a strange sensation, it's like I don't know what to do with myself. Though then again it's nice to be able to just get lost in the worship instead of having to deal with technical problems and trying to think of what song should be played next and where the Spirit is leading us. §

Still though, I wouldn't trade worshipping through the music, it's become part of who I am. Simon has lectures on journalism and next year on photography.... I hate him. I hate you too Malcom, you smug b*****d. 2 years..... 2 more years.... if I pass my exams this year insomma... exams are really getting close and my brain has lost the ability to worry about these things... flip flops :) §

Yar, and you're pretty damn good at it ;) One of my biggest problems is that I like too many things - music, art and design, and now I'm really getting into film (though not in the same sense as Sim, more in terms of scripting, direction and storyboarding). You see my problem? I think it's because I like so many things that I never just concentrate on one and become very good at just that... which leaves me being diverse yet mediocre... §

VESPAS biznitch!! §

It's actually so much fun not knowing where you're headed in life. Who wants a schedule? After all this mayhem, I'm pretty sure I'm going to look back on it all and laugh. With a good few stories to tell. Life is for living after all. §

Ditto dude. Though you really should cut down, two sugars is more than enough. I'm not going to take care of you when you're 50 and diabetic. §

Right...... As Jack sends us drifting into the afternoon I think we should leave you here, confused and muttering to yourself. Oh, and one last thing... §

Out.

The Matrix has You

Bonjour, le petit grenouille sur le tete de la vache qui tomber est frappe sur ton pantalon. Bien sur.

Pretty sure I got some of the grammar wrong there but it's been a while since o level french. Recap on the weekend shall we?

Friday: Led worship at community. I think it's the third time I've had to lead there and I'm still trying to find my footing, I'm not as comfortable there as at YouthfulWorship yet... then went off to the launch of Y4J band's new album :) By the time we got there they'd already finished, but socialising was fun and being us we ended up rolling wires with the team hehe it was actually fun to do cause we weren't obliged to. Been listening to the CD over the weekend, good work guys! I especially like the voices, some real good talent there. There's always more though, so keep at it! XD

Saturday: After the weekly saturday lunch with my dad went off to have a jam session with mig, mike and ian. Was really great to meet up, working on a couple of new songs too which i always love doing. We really need to find a new place to meet though, the reverb in that hall is ridiculous... after that went over to the st julians church and joined in some of the intercession for the lenten talks. The Spirit in that place was amazing. I really miss being able to praise and worship with people in my generation, going round to y4j again has been rekindling a passion that fell asleep for a while I think. Bring on the talks!
After that we went, to my shame, to macdonalds (I'm sorry Kris, I know). I even ate. I have to admit, it didn't taste like dead gazelle this time. Spent the whole evening there which was actually really fun.

Nothing interesting to share today,a thousand apologies. Paula made a great vid of the picnic last thursday, I don't know if it's anywhere on the net though.

Out.

Guess who...

Yeah, I'm back. Again.

Been reading everyone's blogs and basically I started missing writing again, so yeah I'm going to give the blog a try for like the fourth time I think. Again, I promise nothing, in the sense that what will be written here is largely a stream of conscious from my random days to the confusing clockwork of my brain. Oo err. And Kris you can read this so I don't have to write an email every time too :P

I'm going to start with the new look. I hope you like it. I don't mind it so much, an improvement on the other one at least. I spent about an hour cruising that meffing site trying to find one that I liked and the artistic perfectionist in me came out, the bastard. Clicking the "next" button became a compulsion that I just couldn't say no to. Ranting already, woo.

To be honest I don't have much to say. Yesterday was brilliant (as Simon's already mentioned most of). I haven't had that much fun in a field in aaaages, especially the frisbie game... even though we killed half the foliage... it'll grow back though XD Had uni today, I was really really tired though. Took me ages to sleep and when I did I had some really weird dream about what I can't remember except for the fact that it was really weird... Was supposed to have lectures till 3 but the last 2 didn't turn up and we ended up waiting for an hour for nothing. Lovely. Got community tonight and then off to meet whoever at whatever is left of the cd launch...

Anyways, since i spent all afternoon looking for the backdrop I'll stop here. Follow n that if you like.

Out.

Yes, I am this bored

So, what does your average guy do when he doesn't feel like studying renal pathology like he should and the slow internet connection deprives him of his most beloved House? Ta Daa! I am now going to proceed to ramble on about various disjointed things... don't look down...

New Year's Resolution. Every year most people make one. Every year almost all of those people have broken it by January 2nd, and that's the few that make it that far. Last year my resolution was to try be more outgoing, especially with people I already know. You know how sometimes you'll pass by an acquaintance in the road and you're not sure whether to say hi or just keep walking and you end up in this whole inward awkward situation? No? Just me then... anyway this resolution usually ended up with me shouting people's names from across the road or uni quad among other places. Went overboard a little i think, but hey it was part of the fun. Point being, i did stick to it to a certain extent and this year I have a new one. Put simply and rather artistically, it's to replace fear with love. I got thinking over the last few months about how many things we do in life are motivated by fear... of embarassment, of consequences and who knows what else. Well I'm trying to put an end to that as much as i can. I know i can't completely eradicate it, but i want to do things cause i'm passionate about it or cause i want to help people, not because i'll feel guilty if i don't.... this is going to turn into a long blog, i can feel it.

Recently I've been thinking about all the things i want to do in life and have started to think that there may come a point when i actually won't be able to do them. I mean, finish university, start working, eventually (God willing) get married, settle down and then *BAM* you're meffed. You spent your youth hanging out with your friends and advancing your career and now you're an adult. You have responsibilities. Deal with it. Scary. Well, I want to try and take one year out of that whole shindig and do all my bucketlist of things. So what's on my bucket list?

1. Go (back) to New Zealand and Australia and live there for a few months (note: the rest on the list will take place there or in the following places). 
2. Get a job in some silly surf shack. 
3. Go to Japan and America while I'm at it.
4. Learn to surf. Do it a lot.
5. Buy a vespa.
6. Go skydiving and base jumping. Yes, with Simon.
7. Go snowboarding.
8. Go horse-riding across the NZ farmland.
9. Learn to do the Hacka.
10. Visit an old Japanese temple, sit under a cherry tree, buy underwear from a vending machine (you gotta love Japan).
11. Go to Hillsong.
12. Buy a didjeridoo.

I originally only had up to no. 7 but made up the others for good measure :)

Out.

Alive, alive, alive forevermore

Hey kids, yeah, wow huh? 

I don't really intend to keep this up... and seeing as when I do intend to I don't... so not much hope is there? Anyway, I'm humoring Simon with this meme thing... here goes...

Matt needs to not play every little blog meme that comes along... (I'm not even kidding)

Matt looks like the Hulk pictures from skateboarding photos (shrug)

Matt says 'where the hell is Matt' (...)

Matt wants to sleep with Chelsia (I swear I don't know anyone named Chelsia but there's a youtube vid if you're interested)

Matt does silly stuff (hurrah!)

Matt hates cold weather (not so much)

Matt asks Lita to marry him (....what is it with the women?...)

Matt likes pulp in his orange juice (if it's tropicana I do actually..)

Matt eats John's Balls Jr.'s sportswriter profile (erm...)

Matt wears shorts during Suzuki Sx4

Matt was arrested for excessive speeding

Matt loves to ride the pole!

Ok.... sooo......

Out.