While eating copius amounts of pasta

It's Tuesday afternoon and the sun has reared it's face for the first time in 3 days I think. I am happy :D

Re a lot of the comments on my last blog: I AM NOT SAD! I AM A HAPPY PERSON! I read all the comments with everyone telling me to cheer up and that it'll be alright and I was like "why? what's wrong with me?" *shrug* I did a bit of ranting i'll admit but really I'm fine guys, no need to sound so concerned. Ajma :)

I mentioned the Spring affecting ze creative processes... got another song I'm working on, which I shall now share with you... it's called Reign...

I've got doubts runnin' through my mind
About the life I'm livin', like where is it all going
Started out with the best of intentions
But somehow my directions got lost in my translation
Along the way, Lord won't you please show me
The path that you've made for me, a better-ending story
Cause I want to be what you want for me
And what you want for me is so beyond me
So won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

I've got doubts and about a hundred questions
Philosophical reflections, human interpretations
Of this life and our day to day livin
The love I should be givin' I can't find it within'
Myself, and nobody's got the answers, it's like the blind leading
The blind leading the blind, won't you help me find my way
Back to you, Father true and merciful
I'm asking please won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

If you would come and take your place
In this heart of mine
In this heart of mine


We only have One Life

Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And exhale. This is going to be a long post... and rather disjointed...

This morning has not been good. Last night I was in a bit of a mood, those you know me well enough noticed I think. I think it was the product of a band session which was a bit of a let down. I was really, really looking forward to it (especially after a weekend being relatively trapped in a hotel talking about hospital experiences and how I feel about the course and bla bla). I did kind of enjoy it, it was everything I expected it to be, and at the same time not. That hall really does not help, mike's never happy with his sound (cause of the reverb), I can never really hear anything well (cause of the reverb) and mig keeps forgetting what he has to play (because of the drugs :P). Add to that the absence of a bass player (Ian i know you're busy, we miss you), a pianist and a decent singer. eh. Anyways this left me feeling a bit, well disappointed. Wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just kind of detached all night. Kinda thing. So yes, this morning:
> I woke up from having that general feeling last night
> I had a friggin weird dream. I don't know what it involved exactly except that a lot of well you guys who read this were in it, and it involved a large white house, and I don't mean obamaism.
> Lost an hour of sleep.
> Wanted to wake up at 8 to get an early start on my assignments. Either my alarm didn't ring or i switched it off in my sleep. I woke up at 10 dazed and confused.
> The sky looks like someone vomited on it.
> No milk... which means no cereal.... which means no breakfast....
> I get an email informing me i have a mock exam in 2 weeks, and actual exams in 4.

Meh. Bear in mind I haven't shaved for about 2 weeks now so I look like darwin's evolution drawings, about 3 stages back, but then what's new.

Exams, exams, exams. They're getting really close now, and I have so, so, so, so, so much i have to cover. The fact that I've got things like youthful worship, the conference and the mime, worship team, giving my slum survivor witness on friday, possibly animating millenium chapel BJ's mass thingy, and who knows what else going on does not help. At all. Eh, the stress begins... well relative stress, I seem to not be able to get too stressed about exams these days, life is too short to get stressed. "Life is too short to have bad tone". Mike told me that yesterday, it's a quote from the Droff (Hillsong's premier guitarist). I'm getting into my guitarry nature again. I've spent a good couple of years heavily focused on acoustics and songwriting, and while that's not going to change, the electric is calling me back again. I spent a good amount of time geeking out about fenders and pedals and all things techie with Mike last night, was great (sorry Achie :P).

Anyway the stress crunch is here. I have to stay in all day to finish my family medicine and behavioural science assignments so maybe I can start studying from tomorrow. Behavioural seminar thing (the one i finished yesterday) actually wasn't all that bad this year. We had to watch Patch Adams (again) and ER (the george clooney days) and then reflect on issues mentioned and blar blar. Hurr hurr. I enjoyed it cause our tutor for the weekend was ok, and cause I got to relate to some people in my group who are having doubts about the course too. ^^ I got a cold from it all though *sniff*

I've noticed I've developed a coping mechanism for having lots of work to do which involves listening to copious amounts of a certain artist. Last year it was Jack Johnson *visualise beaches and flip flops*. This year it's looking like it's going to be JJ Heller (Thanks Achie :D). I've been listening to her on loop for the last few days and it's just worked it's way into my system, so much so that I've found myself randomly muttering lyrics to myself now and then. I love how songs can do that, they can become part of you and even though after a while you'll get tired of them and you'll move on to something else, there will always be that imprint of particular song or artist on you.

Speaking of songs, I've been writing quite a few of them. I think there's something about Spring, the weather, the hormones, the promise of new things and the hope of greater heights... Last year my creativity went into overdrive, I was writing songs upon songs, most of which I've forgotten, the good ones I've retained. And 2 of them made it into the recording we did which incidentally was this time last year too. I miss the studio. To be frank it was an immensely humbling experience. Only in the clarity of the studio can you see so vivdly how far you still have to go. That said, we learned so much from the experience (which is good cause i don't really like the final product of the songs we recorded). I've had a growing longing for the past couple of years to get into production, I've always loved it, seeing a song form and become real from basic odds and ends, become something beautiful and personal and living. I think my attraction to film stems from that too. I haven't had much time to write this year, both in terms of songs and poems (which I had promised myself I'd take up again but the few I had got down to doing were on my stolen macbook :'( ). Here's just a little fragment of something I'm working on, I hope I get down to writing it:

All I can do is wait for grace
All I can do is seek your face

In quiet be found
In stillness I wait

You laid down your life, You took my place
And all that I've known
Echoes this thing
This beautiful thing

But we are waiting for a greater glory to fall

he lenten talks have been great as regards inspiration. A big big congrats to everyone involved, it was brilliant! Personally it gave me a bit more of a drive, of connecting with a God who plans for things so great that our heads would just explode if we knew about them now. At one point during the adoration on Thursday I just picked up my phone and started typing out lyrics. It really was great :)

I probably had other things to talk about but I can't remember at this point in time. Love is.


The BiBlog Experiment

Disclaimer: The following blog is in conjunction with Mr Xmun Callus, who's blog may be found here. Please refer to it in order to make a complete reading of that found here-under. You are about to get confused. Less than three.

As I type this I'm sitting in the communications lab which I have found is a refuge of all things mac on campus. It is rather glorious. §

Indeed. I've also decided that being Fr Mike's personal secretary is rather nice. AND we had sugar cubes! §

I agreed. Insomma, as you can imagine we're both skiving lectures, surprise surprise. Technically we're here to work on assignments. We'll get to that in a bit. §

Illallu, it was brilliant. The dance was fantastic, even though there was the sound mishap. It made me actually want to be involved in a dance like that.... And the worship was brilliant, kudos to Sam and the band ;) §

Yup, pretty much. I'm really looking forward to the rest of them :) Sim I really liked that shot you took of Sam's back by the way, very cool. §

(I've been checking Sim's spelling for those of you who know him well enough... I think that's all of you really... it should be decent this time :P) Something I realised from yesterday is just how long it's been since I sat with the congregation. I've been part of worship team for about 4 years now and not playing during worship is quite a strange sensation, it's like I don't know what to do with myself. Though then again it's nice to be able to just get lost in the worship instead of having to deal with technical problems and trying to think of what song should be played next and where the Spirit is leading us. §

Still though, I wouldn't trade worshipping through the music, it's become part of who I am. Simon has lectures on journalism and next year on photography.... I hate him. I hate you too Malcom, you smug b*****d. 2 years..... 2 more years.... if I pass my exams this year insomma... exams are really getting close and my brain has lost the ability to worry about these things... flip flops :) §

Yar, and you're pretty damn good at it ;) One of my biggest problems is that I like too many things - music, art and design, and now I'm really getting into film (though not in the same sense as Sim, more in terms of scripting, direction and storyboarding). You see my problem? I think it's because I like so many things that I never just concentrate on one and become very good at just that... which leaves me being diverse yet mediocre... §

VESPAS biznitch!! §

It's actually so much fun not knowing where you're headed in life. Who wants a schedule? After all this mayhem, I'm pretty sure I'm going to look back on it all and laugh. With a good few stories to tell. Life is for living after all. §

Ditto dude. Though you really should cut down, two sugars is more than enough. I'm not going to take care of you when you're 50 and diabetic. §

Right...... As Jack sends us drifting into the afternoon I think we should leave you here, confused and muttering to yourself. Oh, and one last thing... §


The Matrix has You

Bonjour, le petit grenouille sur le tete de la vache qui tomber est frappe sur ton pantalon. Bien sur.

Pretty sure I got some of the grammar wrong there but it's been a while since o level french. Recap on the weekend shall we?

Friday: Led worship at community. I think it's the third time I've had to lead there and I'm still trying to find my footing, I'm not as comfortable there as at YouthfulWorship yet... then went off to the launch of Y4J band's new album :) By the time we got there they'd already finished, but socialising was fun and being us we ended up rolling wires with the team hehe it was actually fun to do cause we weren't obliged to. Been listening to the CD over the weekend, good work guys! I especially like the voices, some real good talent there. There's always more though, so keep at it! XD

Saturday: After the weekly saturday lunch with my dad went off to have a jam session with mig, mike and ian. Was really great to meet up, working on a couple of new songs too which i always love doing. We really need to find a new place to meet though, the reverb in that hall is ridiculous... after that went over to the st julians church and joined in some of the intercession for the lenten talks. The Spirit in that place was amazing. I really miss being able to praise and worship with people in my generation, going round to y4j again has been rekindling a passion that fell asleep for a while I think. Bring on the talks!
After that we went, to my shame, to macdonalds (I'm sorry Kris, I know). I even ate. I have to admit, it didn't taste like dead gazelle this time. Spent the whole evening there which was actually really fun.

Nothing interesting to share today,a thousand apologies. Paula made a great vid of the picnic last thursday, I don't know if it's anywhere on the net though.


Guess who...

Yeah, I'm back. Again.

Been reading everyone's blogs and basically I started missing writing again, so yeah I'm going to give the blog a try for like the fourth time I think. Again, I promise nothing, in the sense that what will be written here is largely a stream of conscious from my random days to the confusing clockwork of my brain. Oo err. And Kris you can read this so I don't have to write an email every time too :P

I'm going to start with the new look. I hope you like it. I don't mind it so much, an improvement on the other one at least. I spent about an hour cruising that meffing site trying to find one that I liked and the artistic perfectionist in me came out, the bastard. Clicking the "next" button became a compulsion that I just couldn't say no to. Ranting already, woo.

To be honest I don't have much to say. Yesterday was brilliant (as Simon's already mentioned most of). I haven't had that much fun in a field in aaaages, especially the frisbie game... even though we killed half the foliage... it'll grow back though XD Had uni today, I was really really tired though. Took me ages to sleep and when I did I had some really weird dream about what I can't remember except for the fact that it was really weird... Was supposed to have lectures till 3 but the last 2 didn't turn up and we ended up waiting for an hour for nothing. Lovely. Got community tonight and then off to meet whoever at whatever is left of the cd launch...

Anyways, since i spent all afternoon looking for the backdrop I'll stop here. Follow n that if you like.