When I'm weak, I am strong

An update! Indeed!!

Right, monday afternoon. Everyone else will have just about finished the lectures for today i think. Why am i at home then? Well, i'm sick. Yar. After about a year and a half it caught up with me again. Bit of a cough, slight temperature, blamf. I went to Uni this morning just for one lecture anyway, didn't want to miss it as it had some practice involved. Now, i came down with whatever it is i have yesterday, so i didn't go to mass with the others, i didn't go to fortizza with the others, and i didn't go to the penis monologues. I stayed home and did bugger all. Actually i spent most of the night playing guitar. Point being, i didn't do any work at all. Maybe that'll change today (pls pls do), maybe not. Bah.

Saturday night was great fun. Went to the youth mass (first time in aaaaaaaaaaages), went out to Paceville (*gasp* heathen!!) to meet Chris, Claire, Ally, Ryan, Corso, Frenchie (with ze funky shoes yes?) and well everyone else. Was fun. After that met Lu and gave her a lift up to Mark's house. We missed the food but hey, i still salvaged some fun. Woo!

Just to let everyone in on the ranting me and Chris occassionally go on about....BLACK!!
And on a completely different note, this is what i spent most of sunday looking at.
Finally, to end the linkingness of the day, Lu made me listen to these guys today. Ruddy brilliant.

Till next time kids.

Loser

Right, a few of you have been asking me about how come I'm so overly religious hehe. To try and give an answer to anyone's questions, I'm posting my testimony up here. It's basically what I went through that changed my life, my personal encounter with God. If anyone wants to ask me something about it, or about God in general, don't hesitate to ask. You can ask me in person if you don't want to post it as a comment. Enjoy ;)


Loser

All my life I’ve been grateful for what I have. I was raised a Catholic and have always gone to Church on Sundays and done what was expected of me. I’ve always wanted to do what I thought was right and I’ve always believed that God existed. As I got older, I started going into things that a lot of people go through. I’d start going out on weekends to clubs, drinking, taking interest in girls, etc. I used to love listening to Metal, it gave me a way to deal with pressure and frustration, and I loved the feeling it gave me when I listened to it and played it. All through this, I had fallen into many temptations several times, and I’d go and confess them. I was still in touch with my religion, and I still prayed occasionally.

All this left me as what I’d like to think was a good person. I had a lot of great friends whom I held in high regard, I did well in school and was never involved in drugs or anything like that. Everything was going great. There was just one problem. I wasn’t happy, not truly. I had good times and enjoyed doing a lot of the things I did, but I’d also find myself at home feeling horribly lonely and depressed, with this empty feeling inside me. I’d ask myself ‘Is this all there is to life? Isn’t there anything more? More real?’ All my life consisted of was a repeated cycle of working during the week, going out on the weekends and drinking or partying away my worries. I had nothing that made my life worth living, I saw no real purpose to doing anything.

I always read stories, watched movies and played games (especially fantasy ones) because I always liked the fact that the characters were fighting for something they believed in, they had a reason to go on. I envied them for that. I tried to live my life by a set of morals, but I’d always do something that’d break them. It could have been anything, from getting drunk and doing something stupid with a girl to letting a friend down. I felt I could never live by even my own standards of principle. And all around me, society’s principles seemed even lower than mine, as doing what I felt was wrong was something ‘normal’.

The first step came when I did the Alpha Course. My mom had been involved in it along with my uncle for a few years and she was always pestering me to attend. Now, as most people would think, I thought I had better things to do with my time. But just when I started sixth form, my mom asked a neighbour of mine, who I had befriended since she started the at the same school as me, to attend. Surprisingly enough, my friend agreed to do it. When my mom told me that, I said “What the heck, I’ll do it. At least I won’t be alone and it’ll shut my mom up if anything”. So I did the course, and after a couple of months, I finished it. The only weird thing was that I actually enjoyed it. I learned some things about my religion that I didn’t know, and it got me to pray a bit more and read the Bible. I wouldn’t say it changed my life though, cause after I went back to doing the same things I did before. And because of that, I carried on feeling the same way about life.

Not knowing what else to do, I prayed to God about it. When I say ‘prayed to God‘, it was more like speaking my thoughts and feelings out loud, though I used to like to pretend I was directing them to God. In any case, He gave me an answer. I realised that I kept my faith separate from my life. I gave my faith what it was due but I didn‘t apply it to my life. I wanted to control my life and live it as I wished. When I realised this I couldn’t help but feel like such a hypocrite. From there I knew that I could go deeper and learn to know God, and I knew that to do that I’d have to change. This prospect scared me immensely. This was the life I have always led, and I didn’t want to let go of all the things I had grown to love. I didn’t want to become one of those ‘Church people’ who spend all their time saying the Rosary at home and never go out and have the fun I had. I always liked to make my own plans and be in charge of my own life. Giving up control was something I felt I couldn’t handle.

Then a friend of mine, who was also the drummer in the band I was in, found God in his life. This surprised me a lot, I mean I never would have thought of him living for Christ. He had joined the Marana Tha’ Community and invited me to go up for one of the talks. I took him up on his offer. The talk we received was about how we must thirst for the Spirit and give up our lives for Jesus. I was amazed, this talk was clearly for me and I knew God was calling me. Again the fear of leaving all I knew behind seeped in, but I looked at what I got from my life up until now, and it wasn’t what I imagined. For all my efforts, all I was left with was stress, frustration, worry, sadness and loneliness. So I made a decision. I told Jesus, ‘Lord, this is what my life has been and it has given me nothing worth living for. So I’m going to trust you. If there is more to this life than what I’ve found, show it to me and I will live my life for You’.

From that day on I changed. I felt so incredibly relieved and so happy! I felt the Spirit of Christ working in me everyday. I had a reason to live: to proclaim the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, to worship Him and spread the Good News. I’m happy to say that I’m not a ‘Church person’, I still do the things I love doing, I still go out on weekends and have fun, but all the things that caused me grief, that gave me a reason to worry, are gone. Finding Christ is a big step but a small change. The Spirit is gentle and won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. I found giving up the bad things in my life much easier, mostly because something inside me saw them for what they were and I didn’t want to do them anymore.

Life is a journey, and I’ve just begun my path. I know that many troubles lay ahead, as well as many joys, but everyday I wake up always trying to build my relationship with Jesus and get to know him better and better. Dying to the world is a scary prospect, but being reborn in Christ is something so much more wonderful than anything you will ever find on Earth.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:24

Passion

A rather quick update, i know, but i've just read claire's blog (check out the link in me friend's section) and i've gotten all inspired. So majorly i'm going to talk about music too....somewhat....amongst other things.....

Following the weekend, i'm supposed to start meeting with the guys (Ian, Mike, Miggy, maybe Joe and Luca, heck who knows who else) to start up a proper sort of "band". I say "band" cause we want to develop worship, and being as it's going to be pretty free with regards to those taking part, it might end up turning into more of a team than a 4- or 5-guy set up. Either way, it's all good. I'm really excited to get things set up. I mean we play every week at community, and we do outreaches and healing services and all that, but it's nice to getting to develop music with your friends when you're not on a deadline. I also really want to get down to writing some songs, maybe put an album together. It's something i've always wanted to do, and now we've got all the equipment that we could ever ask for and more! It's such a blessing, and i'd hate to waste it. Especially as i know when (/if lol) i graduate i'm not going to have so much time for these kinds of things.

I think the biggest reason for my urge to write material is because of what we're writing about. That's the beauty of christian music. Whether it's a slow, ministry song, or a jumpy praise one, even if it's an old churchy type song that you don't even like, you can still sing it and really mean what you're saying. I've tried writing songs in the past, i mean i've written a few poems and stuff, but they always turn out a little depressive (cause i kept basing them on minor chords). My biggest problem was that i always went too deep with the lyrics, and it's hard to relate to the song. I think this is cause i didn't really have anything to write about, except the emotions i had from whatever experiences i was going through.

This is something great about finding God in your life, about living for God. It's something to be passionate about, something that i AM passionate about, and it gives me something to communicate to the world. Having something concrete to sing about, not just about how bad you feel cause this happened to you, or cause this person made you feel that way (emo galore, bleh hehe). To have something that extends beyond you, that's bigger than you, and to have your entire life based around that one thing, is beautiful. This is why i'm itching to start, cause i've got something i want to share with the world, and a passion to share it with!

I'm going to add a new section to my links, try to share what christian music really is and what it's about. If you hadn't noticed, i'm trying to break the stereotype hehe. I'm sorry this rant turned out so long, but hey, when i have something to write about, i write indeed.

A little update of what i've been up to today. I took me car in for it's first inspection. After reading Thud! for 45 min while i waited for the car to be inspected, it was taken in and taken back out 5 min later. That was it. Wow, car maintenance, such fun. After that I shot off to Uni to make it just in time for the archbishop's talk, followed by ash wednesday mass in the chapel. Was really nice. After that had one lecture, now i'm back home. Hopefully i'll study a bit before worship team tonight....... enjoying life too much right now!!

Out.

Hooray for monster movies

Damn the weather's awful. It's been cloudy and windy all day. Humf...... what an opener eh?

Last blog was ooooo almost a week ago. Getting lazy aren't I, hehe. Well we had the community weekend this last friday to sunday, and it was brilliant. I enjoyed it even more than last year. The talks were, well, good (even though they were in italian) and i had a great time being with ma friends all weekend. The talent show was great, i enjoyed every single act, and a deserved well done to everyone taking part! Saturday was jam-packed with stuff, i was up from like 6 sat morning to 2 sunday morning, and dead tired during most of that time (it's hard to sleep with 5 roommates, none of which feel like doing the same). And yeah the food pretty much sucked. But despite all that, ruddy brilliant. Having all the music system set up and just being able to play for almost half a day, makes my heart box fuzzy :D

Had one lecture this morning cause the other 2 got cancelled (cancelled?! oh my!!), so i hung out with claire and corso for a while, went to the library for a bit, went to mass, and here i am, at home waiting to have some lunch. I got my test results today, and i passed! Woo! It's a good feeling when you know you weren't prepared enough and you end up not doing that badly. Maybe i might actually graduate some day..... Oh, and i almost forgot! I carried out my first testicular examination today (on a plastic model)!!! WOO!!! (not gay. NOT GAY!!!). A message from dr PSW, check your balls for cancer kids (he means it. Apparantly late teens is the risk age).

Oh, just on the side, this looks pretty interesting. 300 comes out soon! Boo-yah!

Out.

The Dude in the Nappy with the Bow

Right off the bat, Happy Valentine's day to everyone. Not exactly the best holiday i know of, but in any case, for those of you who have someone special, appreciate them. Happy "holiday"!

Busy busy busy. Slept at john's last night, actually woke up at 6 30 this morning to go jogging with Ian and Mike. Now, consider that i haven't done any serious exercise in about 2 years. As you might imagine, I died. After an eventual recovery, had lunch, went up to Uni for 2 lectures, met Mig and went up to community to rehearse his song and pack up most of the stuff for JoeJoe while he spends the evening with his lovely lady ;P Just got home, pretty tired. Haven't studied at all today, but heck, serious work starts next week in any case. Friday the community weekend begins. Woo! I'm looking forward to it and i'm not at the same time. I mean, it's a great experience and i AM looking forward to that. What i'm not looking forward to is packing, settling in, setting up the equipment, and then doing it all again when it's over. Woo for jams!!

Nothing much else to say, except this: if you ever have any problems in a relationship of any kind, during the relationship or after it ends, talk about it. It's so good to get things out and know that the other person knows where you're coming from, and to clear up some misunderstandings, even apologize for things if you know you should. I think a lot of things would go better between people if they just swallowed their pride and opened up. It's good to talk. ( I am in no way endorsing any kind of mobile phone company, i swear...... what?....).

Out.

Day In, Day Out

Question: What happens when you don't use your computer for about 4 days?
Answer: 64 ruddy emails in your inbox, thats what. Gosh I love my course...

Bah, well about time for an update eh? I haven't really been able to get to the computer since wednesday actually. I just got home from yet another rehearsal with the guys. We've had one practically every day since thursday. Had the dress rehearsal for the talent show this weekend, went well. It looks like the worship over the weekend is going to be largely in the hands of, well, the band. It's a great thing to do, and we're all thankful, but it also means a lot of rehearsals. And now... I'm tired hehe.

Went to the St Aloysius Soiree last night. It was..... good. I was surprised by the amount of talent they had as regards voices, and the band and dancing was pretty good. But for the sake of all things fluffy, stop the damn play in italian. NOBODY ACTUALLY WATCHES IT! And stop smoking pot before you go out on stage too ;P After that went out to Melita, the wine bar part. Was nice, met Danny boy too, you NORFERN SCUM!!

Ugh, not much else to say. I DO NOT feel like waking up to go to Uni tomorrow. The bad part is that i havent studied anything since wednesday. The way it looks i'm going to have to pack half my subject matter into the space of about 2 months. Ugly ishn't it?

John finally came back from Australia today, went up to meet him at the airport. Been an... eventful month without him, and damn glad to have him back. As for the rest of tonight, i'm looking forward to updating myself regards whatever's going on, and reading Thud!. Hopefully i'll manage to get this shitty feeling out of me too..... *sigh*.... breakups suck.

Out.

C'MON!

Yup, after 4 months of getting my liscence, I finally got my new corsa. It's been the object of a lot of debate and arguement between me and my mom (who was kind enough to buy it for me), and now it'll be my object of paranoia for the next month or so. Still, a great car, I know I'm lucky that my parents are willing not only to spend, but trust me with something like this. Still trying to get used to having my own wheels though.... woo!

Right, quick re-cap on the weekend's events. Friday morning went up to De La Salle (me old school yar!) to meet teachers and the uppers and stuff. Was nice to see everyone again. It feels really weird though, the teachers all talk to you like you're on par with them, and the uppers only have a month of school left before they break for the A's... how time does fly... then again half of first year's already over!? Monkeys!! Anyways after that i had to go up to University for a lecture, went to Valletta after with mig, sim and my dad for a bite to eat, and went to community. Saturday morning i got the car (woo!), met the guys to practise for the talent show and had Mark's surprise party in the evening. Sunday went up to St Luke's for some tutoring from Joelle (thanks a mill jo) and went to watch Smoking Aces at the cinema in the evening (a film i definately recommend). Can you tell I've been busy?

I just got home around an hour ago, been at Uni all day... tired but i dont have any lectures tomorrow so ish goot. It's funny, i've always worked so hard to get into this course and now that i'm actually in it all i do is think and contemplate about dropping out and doing something else. It's not that the course bugs me, i guess its that i'm not used to this kind of studying where you basically have to research and get all the info yourself. That and the fact i always ask the question: If what i love is the arts (art, music, literature, history) then why on earth am i studying science? Well, i know that at my school we stopped having art in form 2, and well i was always good at science.... more than that i guess if what i did was art-related, then it'd become my work and i'd stop liking it so much. I dont know, and i might never find out. But i'm not complaining, I actually do like what i'm doing at the moment, whether i go through moods or not. And i'm getting to the point where i'm ready to get down and start doing some proper work done. Hoo-ah!

Carpe Diem

Right, looks like I'm taking requests now... Chris, zis von iz for zou.

Ok well you know the kind of day I had yesterday, where you seem to waste loads of time doing nothing in particular? Well, today was the exact opposite. I was woken up, rather early, by the water services guy who came round to read our meter... I don't think his day started very well, considering after ringing our doorbell a few dozen times he was greeted by a disgruntled, bearded guy, still in his PJ's (well they arent really PJ's but what else do you call your house clothes?), and half of who's hair decided it wanted to disobey gravity. Yeah, I looked like hell.....

One breakfast croissant and a bad TV show later, I went and actually managed to pray in the morning (I find it really hard to do that at home these days, got to used to doing it at the chapel at Uni...), and by 10 30 I was at my desk ready to get some work done. And I actually did. I read most of the first chapter of Renal Physiology and I actually UNDERSTOOD it! Damn, sometimes I'm surprised I still have the capacity to learn something...

Later simon came over and we spent most of the evening just talking and goofing around (it's practically mandatory). Anyways right now it's 00 23 and sim's skecthing something and Im watching top gear on youtube. Good times.

Can I have your toe nail clippings for my collection? Pretty please?

Out.