We only have One Life

Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And exhale. This is going to be a long post... and rather disjointed...

This morning has not been good. Last night I was in a bit of a mood, those you know me well enough noticed I think. I think it was the product of a band session which was a bit of a let down. I was really, really looking forward to it (especially after a weekend being relatively trapped in a hotel talking about hospital experiences and how I feel about the course and bla bla). I did kind of enjoy it, it was everything I expected it to be, and at the same time not. That hall really does not help, mike's never happy with his sound (cause of the reverb), I can never really hear anything well (cause of the reverb) and mig keeps forgetting what he has to play (because of the drugs :P). Add to that the absence of a bass player (Ian i know you're busy, we miss you), a pianist and a decent singer. eh. Anyways this left me feeling a bit, well disappointed. Wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just kind of detached all night. Kinda thing. So yes, this morning:
> I woke up from having that general feeling last night
> I had a friggin weird dream. I don't know what it involved exactly except that a lot of well you guys who read this were in it, and it involved a large white house, and I don't mean obamaism.
> Lost an hour of sleep.
> Wanted to wake up at 8 to get an early start on my assignments. Either my alarm didn't ring or i switched it off in my sleep. I woke up at 10 dazed and confused.
> The sky looks like someone vomited on it.
> No milk... which means no cereal.... which means no breakfast....
> I get an email informing me i have a mock exam in 2 weeks, and actual exams in 4.

Meh. Bear in mind I haven't shaved for about 2 weeks now so I look like darwin's evolution drawings, about 3 stages back, but then what's new.

Exams, exams, exams. They're getting really close now, and I have so, so, so, so, so much i have to cover. The fact that I've got things like youthful worship, the conference and the mime, worship team, giving my slum survivor witness on friday, possibly animating millenium chapel BJ's mass thingy, and who knows what else going on does not help. At all. Eh, the stress begins... well relative stress, I seem to not be able to get too stressed about exams these days, life is too short to get stressed. "Life is too short to have bad tone". Mike told me that yesterday, it's a quote from the Droff (Hillsong's premier guitarist). I'm getting into my guitarry nature again. I've spent a good couple of years heavily focused on acoustics and songwriting, and while that's not going to change, the electric is calling me back again. I spent a good amount of time geeking out about fenders and pedals and all things techie with Mike last night, was great (sorry Achie :P).

Anyway the stress crunch is here. I have to stay in all day to finish my family medicine and behavioural science assignments so maybe I can start studying from tomorrow. Behavioural seminar thing (the one i finished yesterday) actually wasn't all that bad this year. We had to watch Patch Adams (again) and ER (the george clooney days) and then reflect on issues mentioned and blar blar. Hurr hurr. I enjoyed it cause our tutor for the weekend was ok, and cause I got to relate to some people in my group who are having doubts about the course too. ^^ I got a cold from it all though *sniff*

I've noticed I've developed a coping mechanism for having lots of work to do which involves listening to copious amounts of a certain artist. Last year it was Jack Johnson *visualise beaches and flip flops*. This year it's looking like it's going to be JJ Heller (Thanks Achie :D). I've been listening to her on loop for the last few days and it's just worked it's way into my system, so much so that I've found myself randomly muttering lyrics to myself now and then. I love how songs can do that, they can become part of you and even though after a while you'll get tired of them and you'll move on to something else, there will always be that imprint of particular song or artist on you.

Speaking of songs, I've been writing quite a few of them. I think there's something about Spring, the weather, the hormones, the promise of new things and the hope of greater heights... Last year my creativity went into overdrive, I was writing songs upon songs, most of which I've forgotten, the good ones I've retained. And 2 of them made it into the recording we did which incidentally was this time last year too. I miss the studio. To be frank it was an immensely humbling experience. Only in the clarity of the studio can you see so vivdly how far you still have to go. That said, we learned so much from the experience (which is good cause i don't really like the final product of the songs we recorded). I've had a growing longing for the past couple of years to get into production, I've always loved it, seeing a song form and become real from basic odds and ends, become something beautiful and personal and living. I think my attraction to film stems from that too. I haven't had much time to write this year, both in terms of songs and poems (which I had promised myself I'd take up again but the few I had got down to doing were on my stolen macbook :'( ). Here's just a little fragment of something I'm working on, I hope I get down to writing it:

All I can do is wait for grace
All I can do is seek your face
In quiet be found
In stillness I wait

You laid down your life, You took my place
And all that I've known
Echoes this thing
This beautiful thing

But we are waiting for a greater glory to fall

The lenten talks have been great as regards inspiration. A big big congrats to everyone involved, it was brilliant! Personally it gave me a bit more of a drive, of connecting with a God who plans for things so great that our heads would just explode if we knew about them now. At one point during the adoration on Thursday I just picked up my phone and started typing out lyrics. It really was great :)

I probably had other things to talk about but I can't remember at this point in time. Love is.

Out.