Is that the time?

Ever had one of those days where it just feels like everything is messed up? Yeah.... I'm a little sick at the moment, which isn't that bad, except for when i go to bed - my sinuses, nose and mouth become clogged with a river of mucus which leaves me unable to breathe, and more importantly, unable to sleep.... for two and a half hours... hurr.... now i'm woken up this morning by my mom, the weather looks like it died and they're still going on with construction next door.... hurr....

Ah yeah, Christmas right... well i did enjoy myself this year, presents weren't too shabby, spent the whole day at my uncle's farmhouse in Dingli and then went out with the others in the evening. Not a bad day overall :)

Ok at this point in time the blog is going to go into a long rant about my life, if you can't be bothered to read about one guy moaning about how indecisive he is, skip down to the last paragraph, do ya kennit?

Went over to Simon's yesterday to watch the pixar shorts dvd and ratatouille (i think i spelt that right...). Had a good time, sim you always manage to make me not work in the best of ways :P During this visit i got all blah about what i want to do with my life (yes, again). My previous resolution still stands but i saw some insight into what exactly is attracting me away from medicine - imagination. Thing is, medicine is great, but there's not exactly a lot of room for self expression (nor do i think there really should be, the images i get in my head when i try to think about it are just plain wrong), and this is the one thing that i've always had and i've always been rather good at. The things i have loved all my life - art, books, films, games, they all have one thing in common, and thats a story, a plot, or at least a way to imagine and explore something... to make something thats just in your head real.

I used to be able to incorporate that a little into science cause i was able to picture all the information and structures they used to give us (yeah i know it sounds like i'm entering the geek zone, but it's true and it used to work)... but with medicine i'm coming more and more to realise that it's not about creating, but usually more about analysing... and those who know me would probably say i suck at that... i don't really know, this is just what i think, but it seems to clarify this feeling i've always had... A lot of people have tried to help me out by suggesting that i merge the two - medicine and art - but i really have no inclination to do so, it's just that medicine does not interest me in that context.

The reason i chose medicine is cause it enabled me to give something, to help people with what i do. When i was younger all i was concerned about was not having a mundane and useless job. I just assumed that i would like medicine cause i liked biology and i have no problems with blood or internal organs (well, except eating them.... people do that....). And now, well i wouldn't say i hate it, but i don't exactly have a passion for it either. I know that we don't taste anything about what real medicine is until next year, which is the main reason why i'm still where i am, but still the idea gets at me. This isn't something i can slug through for a couple of years, this is potentially the rest of my life.

With art/writing/whatever it's kind of the other way around. It's something that i love doing, and something that i think i'd really be good at, but i don't really know exactly what it is i want to do (though i think i'd get a good idea if i took the plunge and went for it). More importantly i don't know what i'd be able to give to others with it. I don't know if i need this factor in an occupation or not, but i'd like to think i'd be giving something to people by what i do, and i don't really know what that would be in this case.... hurrr.... if you are reading this, congradulations, you are a dedicated reader, you earn a star.

Bah, more reflections to come in future, in the meantime i really should do some work... getting really bad now..... if i don't update again, which is likely, HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! (though on the actual night it'll probably sound like HAAAEEEYYYY NUUU NAAAAAARRRRSSHHHH from most of you :P).

One last note, got bored last week and decided to use my graphics tablet a bit, nothing special, just a straight sketch. Used just pencil and the 'undo' function XD

Out.