A blog in Time

Counting down the last few hours with the mo'. Can't say I'm going to miss it, but it feels like I've had it for ages and I think almost everyone's gotten used to it now. Enough of the lip hair.

I'm currently sitting in the chaplaincy office with Zoe and Mina. Winston and Andrew are selling doughnuts for some charitable cause. I already bought one earlier. I'm not going to buy another one. They tried to flog me one. I resisted. Woo.

And Mykel steps in. He's looking for the key for room 101. Mina and Zoe are eating doughnuts. Now I want one. Damn.

Christmas carols are playing on Vev's laptop and I can't begin to convey the tangible joy this gives me. I want to walk around some brightly-lit street/shopping mall with decorations and lame old christmas songs blaring out of randomly placed speakers, watching everyone go by wrapped up cause it's cold and raining out. This is what Christmas is all about. Well, not really, but it's a part of it, and to be honest probably the part I enjoy the most. There are other things, like waking up christmas morning and then going to meet your family. Then things like the Vigil and the great prayer that goes into it. When you look at it spiritually I find it to be really refreshing in a way. But those (important) things aside, it's this one little prelude to all that that I think I treasure the most.

Myke's making me tea. That's Christmas spirit for you. Wow Vev WANTS to make me tea. This is brilliant. I think I might just have another.

Out.

One Thankful Zombie

I need to shave. I really need to shave. Last week with the moustache, thankfully. If you've been meaning to donate money for the kids, now's your last chance to do it.

Just finished my exams this morning. It's good and done and I will speak no more of it. They're over. I'm free till January like normal people. Yay.

I've been having trouble sleeping recently. I go to bed at a normal (sane) time, lie down, turn off the lights, close my eyes. And then.... nothing. I don't fall asleep. As annoying as these random bouts of insomnia can be on normal days, this week they've coincided with the days I've had my exams. Currently I'm running on 3 hours of sleep. Lovely.

In other news, in an hour I leave for this year's Youth weekend. I'm really looking forward to it and I have a feeling God's going to show up in a big way. I'm so thankful for that, I think we all need to reconnect with Him at some level. Let's help Him change the world :)

Out.

Trains

New things are nice and beautiful, but it's always good to remember who we are.



I was going to talk about the things going on. About how my dad got me this big guitar pedal as an early christmas present and how playing it made me feel 8 years old again. About how I'm going up to London for the first time this March with a bunch of friends and I'm really looking forward to it (even if I have no idea how I'm going to scrounge up the money for it). About how I've got an exam tomorrow, but that's ok.

But you know what, I don't want to. Cause as I sit and type this and listen to the music I've just put on, I don't want to. I don't want to talk about myself, about my little world. I want to talk about something else. Something bigger than me. Even if it's just about someone else's little world. That's still worth it. Cause in the end, it's not about us. It's all only worth it, only beautiful, when it's not about us.

Out.

Eskimo

Out.

On feeling inadequate

I'm not quite broken, but there's a crack. It's like being lost at sea.

Out.

Moment

I remember my thoughts
distant and clear;
Of what was to be,
come and past and left behind.
So too wil be
my thoughts and futures,
come and past and left behind.

For what is a day,
a rising and a setting;
A break between
slumber and wake.
Fleeting moments,
unremarkable and gone,
sitting between slumber and wake.

But you are different,
constant and faithful.
In the moment you are.
Always, you are.

Out.

Ps. Movember starts today :D

I so liked Spring

"I so liked Spring last year
Because you were here;-
The thrushes too-
Because it was these you so liked to hear-
I so liked you.

This year's a different thing,-
I'll not think of you.
But I'll like Spring because it is simply Spring
As the thrushes do."

Charlotte Mew

Out.

On Time Spent at the Library

*click, clack... Click, clack clack*

*'How are you on Tuesdays?' 'Tuesdays and Wednesdays forget it I'm full all day' 'Illallu my time table really sucks, we're never going to be able to....'*


*Shift position in chair*




*thud thud thud thud Thud Thud THUD Thud Thud thud thud thud*


*Check the time*



*Huff*


*Leaf through pages. Go back to current page*





*'Hahaha!' *sniff* *



*Amusing ring tone*


*Check phone for messages*





*Shift position in chair*


Out.

Reason

It's 17:21. Outside the sky is grey. I think it might be raining, but then it might have stopped by now. My dad's sleeping on the sofa while the football's on TV. I'm sat here writing this, drinking my bottle of water and cracking my joints periodically. The weather always does this to me, at least when it's this humid. Nothing comes without a catch I suppose. I feel like sleeping, but I'm not tired and there are things I want to do. It is beautiful though. No rose comes without thorns.

People. The more time I spend with them, the more I realise the paradox that is this simple fact - we're all so different, but we're all the same. A lot of the things we do so often go unnoticed. The things we think. The things we feel. These things that we never say to anyone or ever act on. Or maybe sometimes we do, but nothing comes of it. The things we want to do but we're held back. We get tired. Tired of other people. Tired of ourselves. We get lost. And in our loss, we become a lost cause.

My cause is lost. That's why I need Jesus. Why I need Him to be my cause. Why everyone else becomes my cause. He changes everything.

Out.

Art. Hardbound.

It's been over a month since my last post. My apologies (though I'm unsure how many people could be bothered to notice, being summer and all... Yes? No?).

This morning it's cool and cloudy. I'm loving it. Starting to feel a lot like september does - cloudy, possibly rainy, and most importantly, cool. It's strange how in my mind I associate September with the notion of new beginnings and a new year more than I do for Spring. I know a lot of people share this, the school system being as it is. Point being September gets me excited for a new year. New possibilities. Time to do things well this year. The fresh air after the first rain. Jackets. Tea. Christmas.

The Handmaid's Tale - one weird book. That said, having almost finished it, I've gotten to enjoy it. Yes, this means I am actually going to sit for English A level this year. Also, I'm starting to be attracted to classical literature. This has never happened before, and something tells me that a few pages into most classical literature and I'll just give up and plonk it back down. But then again every time I walk into a bookshop (the way they re-designed agenda at Uni with the awesome classics section... Simon you know what I mean) I find myself desperate for smart card to come in so I can pick up volumes on Dante and Keates and those little green penguin classics that cost just 2 euros (well ok, I think I'd prefer the nicer looking covers, but still, they're there). I think that my love of literature has another philia superimposed on it - the love of books (bibliophilia :D). Just the way they look, they smell, they sit there on the shelves. Knowing that they contain some beautiful expression of the human experience, even if I myself don't appreciate it as much as another would. You don't need to be an artist to know when a work is a masterpiece. You don't have to be a musician to be moved by a piece. (I'm not sure if the latter really applies... technically. Hmm.). My reading list at the moment goes well into 2011. It's scary. And I'm building up more backlog as it is - decided I want to read most of Paulo Coelho and C.S. Lewis (except for the narnia stuff) when I can get down to it.

Something else that I've pondered is the different types of readers that there are. Well, types. Look at it in the way of the different qualities that readers portray. For example, Achie's blog had (has?) a quote (quote?) written on the top about how readers are stalkers by nature, being interested in the character's most personal details, be they fictional or not. Myself, I'm more the escapist. Reading propels you into a world where you have the privilage of knowing the thoughts and actions of characters on both sides, seeing the qualities of what makes us us portrayed, and working the wondrous tool that is our imagination. Reading lets me get away from it all, even if I'm still sitting in the midst of it all. What type are you?

Out.

Soul Survivor

It's 23:36, I have to wake up at 05:00 to get ready and make sure I have everything and be at the airport by 06:30. Most people are either going to sleep or trying to finish packing. I'm packed. I think I've forgotten something though. Don't know what it is (obviously), it's just that feeling. I need to go pray soon before I try and sleep. I hope I manage to sleep. I'm really, really excited. Really.

Out.

Extra dimensions... in my pants

Presently I sit here with my nice cuppa tea underneath the AC at my dad's after having just returned from exiles with lanf, krissie and zoe. It's been an uneventful day, but in a nice kind of way. Woke up to the builders next door banging on the other side of my bedroom wall. One glass of juice and a teeth brushing later and I'm out of the door on the way to my dad's to catch up with some PS3 time. I borrowed Resident Evil 5 from mike and spent a good 2 hours on it. It surprises me how much I'm no longer able to play games for hours on end like I used to. I just get bugged after a bit. Guess I'm growing out of it. I actually felt a bit bad for having bought a PS3 cause I hardly use the thing, I've only got like 5 games after almost 2 years... ajma.

Tomorrow my bookcase arrives and I'm really pleased about that. It's actually a kind of shelving unit for a cafe, but basically it's exactly the same as the actual bookcases in the range only it's a bit bigger and it's got mirrors in the back boards of the top two shelves. I know I'm ranting on about a bookcase but I kind of like the idea of having cafe furniture in my bedroom. I might have slyed my way into getting a modern double bed too, but we'll have to see about that XD

Been back from the north for less than a week but it feels like more than that, already adjusted to life back home again. Something about the string theory being a candidate for the theory on Everything just came up on national geographic. Num num.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 5

So here we are, the final entry in the big Germanic adventure. As I sit here it seems to have flown by, it's weird how much you can get used to a place in a month. But a month has indeed passed and now it's time to head back to the rock. Tomorrow I pack my bag and head out. Time here was great, but it's always a great feeling to head back home.

Learnt a lot over these past weeks, aside from the medical stuff. For one thing I got a little taste of what it means to live 'alone'. I realised how much i need to spend time alone now and then, just appreciating your own space and having the time to sit back and think about things. Even doing simple chores around the place can have a kind of meditative effect, I've really grown to love it. Most of all, being away gave me a little perspective on my relationships, just how much my friends and family mean to me. Well that and being able to order a subway sandwich without saying 'uhhh' every other second. Subway rules by the way. But yeah, I'm tired of the German now. It was nice before, now I just want people to know what the heck I'm trying to say XD

Anyhow, tonight we go out and party for the last time with the friends we've made here, and have my last few rounds of the awesomeness that is German beer. I swear, I don't think I can go back to cisk now... Tomorrow, trains and planes XD

Oh and lets not forget, 12 days to Soul Survivor... oooooo baby....

Out.

An Itinerary: part 4

I sit on the floor of Mike's flat while 'With everything" plays in the background. Weather's currently quiet, and as usual everything's quiet. Well, with the exception of the occassional raven cawing on top of the window. They seem to be Germany's substitute for cats. Spent the last couple of hours after lunch watching band of brothers since going down to Konstanz wasn't worth it as we've got work at 7:30... ah work...

Night shifts. It's a little weird waking up around 11 o clock in the morning, lazying around for most of the day and then going IN for work at 7 30 at night. We've got our last one this evening, I might actually kind of miss them, I think only cause Chris lets us off at around 2am since things get a little slow at that point. The hospital's really quiet, and work depends on how many patients come in. Last night was amusing to say the least, had one delirious patient in who kept talking to himself very loudly in German and kept getting up and wandering around the emergency department. Then spent a good 2 hours waiting for Chris to try and convince an old lady to stay in hospital cause she had a serious condition. She wasn't listening much, which is weird after she came in by herself. Eh, patients...

Lanf and Annie came over from last Thursday to Monday. Man I laughed so much. I've already forgotten just what it's like when you put a lot of Maltese people together in one place. Went to Zurich on saturday and that was awesome, it was really cold and raining and in my opinion only made the city look so much cooler. Went to an art gallery and got to see some Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet and a host of other ones I've never hear of. Funnily enough I enjoy looking at the modern art more than the work of antiquity. I can't say why, it just stands out more. Oh and I got my fill of starbucks, gotta love them cinnamon rolls XD

So today week we'll be back, I'm looking forward to it to be honest. The trip's been good fun but at this point we've done and seen everything there is to see and do. Just a weekend and a week left of work. Oh and we learned how to operate a washing machine.I'm semi-independant now, I just need to figure out how to iron...

Out.

An Itinerary: part 3

Sorry for the relative lack of updates, been busy doing not much at all to be honest. Here come ze bullets...

> Krissie's here :) She arrived yesterday after a crazy 10 hour train ride which had 5 connections. I admire her bravery, I'd definately be lost in Poland right now if i were in her place. We spent the day down in Konstanz yesterday, didn't do much except go from lunch to coffee to mass and then back to the apartment to watch a dvd. It's kind of cool now cause we know where all the really good cafe's and coffee shops are. And the coffee shops are amazing - the atmosphere, the food, everything. Really wish we had places like these back home. Mass was in German again, but this time they had a 5 piece choir which was amazing. I mean it. It was like something from the soundtrack of Gladiator or Kingdom of Heaven. Absolutely brilliant XD

> Haven't been doing much since chris is away except going round to eat at different places and browsing the shops. I've bought three jackets in 2 days XD I know it's a bit excessive, but i have a thing for jackets. The weather's been crazy. It rained practically all day yesterday and today it was pretty hot and sunny. I got to wear shorts (havent done that since the day we arrived). Got work this week from wednesday to friday. Lanf and Analise come up on thursday, looking forward to that XD Shame kris leaves us tomorrow to go be with her mom and sis. X'taghmel :P

Not much else to say, sorry for the lack of emails to those who have been sending me. I'll try reply at some point :) Been spending a lot of time reading my book. The good thing about being here is that i get to have a good deal of time alone should i choose to. That said i spend most of the time out or with mike but as for quiet times, just sitting in me really comfy chair reading, or really just thinking about things, it's great.

And i want to have sloping ceilings back home, they're the shizzle.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 2

Prima.

First off, internet connection here is hard to come by - no wifi (or land lines for that matter) in our apartments. We should be able to use the computers at hospital now and again once we start work on monday. Mike might buy an internet key, issa naraw. Insomma, updates!

> Zurich. Now that's an airport. I don't know how we actually managed to get into Singen, buying train tickets when you don't know exactly where you're going is hard, and catching trains while lugging around 30Kgs is... tiring :) Somehow we made it.

> German trains, Mike keeps being amazed at how precise they are with the times, it really is quite amazing.

> Spent the last two days going around and buying food, drinking beer (german beer, nuff said) and doing a buttload of walking. We've both got blisters. I think I'm going to come back with calf muscles the size of an actual calf. Oh and we're right on the border of switzerland so the chocolate... yeah...

> Slept over at fonsu's last night after an evening of family guy (oh the death of my brain cells) and lots of time splitters on the wii. Yup, still nerds. Very nice place though and it's really quiet.

>Mass in german. The longest Our Father. Ever.

Somms, I'm off cause the other two are getting impatient. We're off to go see some island on the lake or something and grab some lunch. Will try uploading some videos or something if connection and time permit.

Oh and I've discovered I hate making small talk. Really do.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 1

It is currently 9:41 and while "slow dancing in a burning room" plays on youtube for the lostcount-eenth time, I check last minute internet things before I go off to take things out of my suitcase, walk around a lot and then put them back in, all the while mumbling about how I'm definately not going to have enough stuff. I just learned apparantly it's hot there and that I should take a beach towel... my suitcase needs an extension... preferably one bigger than the suitcase itself...

I have also just learned that there's no internet in our rooms... to quote chris, "can't you guys go 4 weeks without porn?". Yes, this is the person who'll be overseeing us over the next 4 weeks. Quite. XD Somms, cause of this I don't know how often the blogging/emailing is going to occur, I have no real idea what the area we're staying in is going to be like - it could be a quiant little town area or practically the middle of nowhere. In any case, I hope I'll be able to find access either in the hospital itself or maybe in some cafe nearby.

Mike and I have decided we should randomly just go on a european adventure, just not turn up for wards and leave a not saying "gone to Italy, be back soon". That said I don't know if we're even going to find our way out of Zurich. Neither of us have ever gone abroad alone before and we have to catch about 3 train connections before the day is ended. And everything's in German. I'll take videos, promise XD

Out.

Packing

Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
And everybody bleeds this way
Just the same

Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away
I will stay

Out.

In Waves

It starts with the gentle plucking, a regular melody that catches your ear and leaves you wanting. The voice appears and ushers in an identity and a meaning, a notion of an experience.
Then the keys fill out the lower ends just as the chorus rolls in and the depth appears just as you catch a glimpse of the soul, the fleeting outskirts of the emotion.
The rhythm sets down as the beat kicks in, the sharp contrast and vibrance of the second verse pulling you down from the pause of the refrain. Now your foot starts tapping and you start to sway. Now the words start to speak to you.
The high end notes gently dropped off just before you're lifted into the chorus again, the words melting into one another, filling your head and rolling out of your own mouth as they become yours. The guitar building and building on the base. Your need to move something from within moving in parallel with it. Just as the words merge the music sprouts alone, breaking for a moment from the lyrics, setting the pace, setting apart.
And then lifts the bridge, the words gently laying down the soul of the song, the meaning of the emotion, a gentle change in the melody line, a song that becomes a voice. An emotion that becomes a moment.
As it rounds back into the chorus for a final time, everything slowly slips over one another and fades ever so gently, until there is nothing left but silence and the memory of a moment.



Out.

New horizons

Freedom is HERE!!

After weeks of cramming and room 101-ing, summer is finally here. And in typical summer style, except for sleeping, I think i've been home for a total of about 3 hours in the past 2 days XD

This week is near-to-insanely busy... exiles, meetings, intercession, jamming, party, posters to design, masses to animate... arr arr! It's a good kind of busy though, always better than having nothing to do.

It's currently 8:17 am (at the point of writing this, obviously) and I'm sat here with "Freedom is here" playing rather loudly and thinking about how I'm going to restring my PRS without the aid of a tuner... not sure how that's going to get done so I'm probably going to have to ask mike if I can use his at our jam session today (my current strings are just way too rusted to be played).

Not to parallel Ache's post, but I bought new shoes yesterday (along with a pair of jeans and a top - gotta love diesel warehouse sales). They're converse high-top style Levi's. And they're red. Kris, you would be proud XD

I'm starting to get rather excited about all the things that are going on/are going to go on this summer. Besides the two trips abroad (I'm trying to sort out a way to vlog the germany adventure, we'll see about it though..) there's a lot of playing to be done with a lot of different people, that's gonna be awesome. There's the stuff we've got planned for Youthful Worship. Lately it had just become a bit of a burden, but now with the weight of Uni temporarily subsiding, we can focus on it again. Now I'm eager to go all out for God again, and just go, do, give, see, hear, and be.

Speaking of which, I need to strive further to running this race to which we have been called. Ever felt like at some point in your relationship you slipped back ever so slightly cause of everything else going on and always meant to go back, go deeper, look beyond, but then got caught up? And then got complacent? And then got comfortable? Ever made a promise to change the way you're living and give more of yourself for others, even total strangers, and then things just went back to the way they were? This summer I want to awake again. I want to encounter God again. I want to help those I have the grace to help, and be there for the ones I can't. I want to mean what I sing when I go down to our meetings. I want to be broken. I want to surrender. I want to tear down the walls.

But all I can do is talk, which alone are empty words.

Lord, break us. Bring us to our knees. Break the foundations of our comfortable world. Change this heart, this mind, this soul. Make these hands and feet Yours, and take whatever we have, whatever You've given us, and use it for your Kingdom. Cause it's You that's saving the world. You save. You heal. You teach. You lead. You change. We speak, but our words are empty. But your words are life. You do. Tear down these walls, O God.



Out.