Omegatango.

Story time

2010-09-01T14:25:00.000+02:00

“You’re very good at telling stories, grandpa.”

“Thank you my child, it is very kind of you to say so.”

“Do you enjoy telling stories, grandpa?”

“I suppose I do. I don’t think I would be telling them if I didn’t.”

“Is it hard to tell stories?”

“It gets easier with practice.”

“What’s the hardest part about telling a story?”

“You are a curious one, do you know that? But then is it not the role of children to be curious?”

“Grandpa!”

“Very well! Let me think… I should say the hardest part about telling stories is to know where they begin and where they end. Stories are curious things, much like you; they are quite unpredictable. They are alive, weaving and waning, like the flowing of a river. Those who tell stories only tap into this flow as it makes its way to its destination. The hardest thing to learn is where to tap into it and where to leave the flow, for the rest will pour out by itself.”

“You’re very wise, grandpa.”

“I wish your grandmother held the same opinion. Now, enough of your little interrogation. It’s time for bed.”

“Ok grandpa. Thank you for the story.”

“Sleep tight.”

“Goodnight, grandpa.”

“Goodnight.”

“Grandpa?”

“Yes?”

“What does interrogation mean?”

A short

2010-08-26T17:17:00.005+02:00

There once was a man who was travelling across a foreign country in order to get to the land of his father. He had left many years ago as a promising young man with many plans for his life. The world, however, turned out to be a far harsher place than he had first envisioned. He trusted too easily and believed too naively, and eventually found himself cheated out of all his assets, his wealth, and his dreams. Left with nothing, he resolved that he would return, with great shame, to the man he left so many years ago. One day he was travelling through a very dense wood. It was around twilight, the path was very narrow and the light poor. He was afraid he would not find shelter for the night and feared bandits in the area. All of a sudden he heard the voice of a man. He had been travelling alone for weeks now and the sound of words carried in the wind pricked his ears. Whoever this man was, he was further along the path, and he was singing. The timbre was rich and burly, conveying the idea of a large man, probably bearded and wearing a large checked jacket (as that's how these things go). Despite this grand image, the melody was soft and gentle, sweet almost, as if the words floated effortlessly through the air to land upon his grateful eardrums. He rounded the next corner and lo and behold, a large bearded man in a checked coat stood before him, lamp held in one hand and walking stick in the other (he was always good at guessing these things, it was a gift of his). The man noted the traveller's presence and seemed weary of him at first. Lifting up his lamp he gave him a good look through furrowed brows. Deciding that the young man was both too young and too scrawny to be a threat, he flashed him a big cheshire cat grin. They struck up conversation and the young man was amazed at the aura of this enchanting man. He was well into his fifties by the look of it, but he carried himself with such grace. It was like watching a hippo take part in the royal ballet. As they talked, the young man asked the elder why he was singing. The answer came "I sing to the trees. Every day I go for a walk at dusk and sing to them." It turns out that the elder's wife had had a beautiful voice. They had no children and she had no one to sing to except him. Every night while she cooked in the evening she would sing beautiful songs, and he would sit in the porch after a day's work, just listening to the sound of her voice before he went into the house. Then twelve years ago she died and he was left alone. He said he never realised how quiet the world is until he had to live every day by himself. So he began to sing on his walks before the darkness came every night. "But why do you sing to the trees? They have no ears to hear you, and there is no-one else out here to hear you. Do you sing for yourself?"

"No. I do not sing for myself, nor do I sing for my wife. I know she is with me, every day. I need not sing to feel her presence. I sing for the trees. These woods used to be full of her singing, and when she passed they fell silent. But I am still here, I am still alive. And if I am still alive why should there be silence in these woods? We are creatures of the light. We weren't made to blend in. We're made to stand out in the darkness. Like song in the silence."

Excuses and Lines

2010-08-02T18:39:00.003+02:00

I've neglected the blog for months. No excuses, things just took priority in life. That said, it'll get more attention come October I expect.

A friend asked me to write a little thing for him to help with his MA final project. The subject was the various social/religious/sexual/physical lines and barriers that exist and what happens when we cross them. He suggested I share it here, so here it is.

They say there is a fine line between love and hate.

To cross it is to go beyond a boundary held in the highest regard with friends and family.
To cross it is to abuse of a power freely given.
To cross it is to betray trust.
To cross it is a horrible thing.

But it is a line which can be crossed in more than one direction.
And to cross it back again is called repentance.
It is called forgiveness.
And it takes love to cross back.
It necessitates the action of the one who has not crossed the line, as well as the one who has.
If one cannot cross back, well, then there is no love.

It is a curious thing that one needs love to arrive to love.
But if love is real, then it will be. It will endure.
If love is real, perhaps that line cannot be crossed indefinitely.
If love is real, perhaps that line does not exist at all.

To the Sea

2010-06-22T12:52:00.003+02:00

As you have probably noticed, I have failed to blog in a while. Staying inside most of the time trying to get down to study doesn't seem to have a good effect on my creativity. I need to have that certain degree of "nothing to do" to just escape into my head and ponder things to write about. So yeah, I've had nothing to write about for a while. Unless you want to hear about gynaecology. No? Thought not.

I finish exams on Thursday! It's almost here! After a month of sitting in my study looking at photos of friends on the beach and at parties, I actually get to go and do those things soon (well, and not feel bad about it). The past two months have not been good to me. Very little sun exposure and way too many biscuits have left me looking like the beached whale. But no matter! Very soon it's all about sea, sun, and sleep. And music. My keys are literally covered in a layer of dust. Time to shake that off soon. Time to start making things. Coincidentally the discovery of Gungor has really been fuelling the creative juices (thank you Jamie and Van).

So yes. Summer (for me) is almost here. Let it bring new life. Good times. Fond memories. And a regular blog post.

Ok Go

2010-06-13T19:55:00.003+02:00

I have no new post for you this week. The combination of having two exams to study for and lack of inspiration have led me to thus. My apologies. Currently I'm at my desk, paediatrics book sprawled on display. Tomorrow marks week three of exam season and I tire of it, especially as many people are very close to finishing their exams and we meds still have a bit of a stretch to go. I'll not fret about it, this too shall pass.

But I cannot leave you with disappointment and ranting! Never! Here are some shiny things to distract you! (I realise most of you have probably seen these by now. It's just what my day has largely been about).

Yes, I'm a huge nerd.

I have become rather obsessed with The Vampire Diaries. I realise that it sounds like the girly television version of Twilight, which, I won't deny, in some respects it can be. But it takes a similar premiss and does an incredibly good job of making it both believable and addictive. Well... ish. Still, I'd recommend it.

Bonjour!

2010-06-07T09:29:00.003+02:00

Good morning. Good morning! I said it twice... Oops.

This is not a 'real' blog post in the sense that this is not a 'serious' blog post in the sense that this is not the 'blog of the week'. Oh no. This is just an update. I watched a TED video by a guy named Ze Frank this morning about... well I don't really know what it was meant to be about. He mentioned the internet a lot. And it was funny. But I don't really think there was any point in it. Odd. Anyway, he illustrated this Google function where if you search "what am i going to say next" followed by your name (you'll notice that the ze frank option comes up automatically) and then hit "I'm feeling lucky" you'll get... well... what you're going to say next. Now, I don't really believe this works. Or not well. But I tried it and it generated a blog entry I posted back in 2007. I read it and kind of enjoyed it, and well, here I am. Does this mean Google was right? Unlikely. More that Google's affecting my mood and thus my course of action. Where am I going with this? Good morning!

Another interesting site I came across the other day is called We Feel Fine. What this site effectively does is allows you to generate a (very nicely designed) app that scans the internet for blog entries and who knows what else that includes the words "I feel" or "feelings" or things thereof. Then, anonymously, it allows you to view them in several formats. You can even adjust demographics like gender, age, date posted, and even the kind of weather conditions present when it was posted. The purpose? Well I think it provides a good insight into what other people think about and what matters to them. Ultimately it helps us understand each other better. Maybe. Also, if you're up to it, you can pray for anyone who's post touches/disturbs you.

Interesting site number two: Incrédibox. This site lets you generate a song yourself using different dynamics like instruments, voice, chorus, beat, etc. It's all done in a fun animated setting with replicas of one charismatic dude pumping out all the sounds. If you're good enough there are three bonus features that might make it into your track, and there's a shuffle feature for good measure too. Pure fun.

You'll notice that to the right of this entry underneath the tweet section there's a little questions box (Vous avez un question? Oui, oui, bien sur!). I got insanely bored studying yesterday and ended up setting up a formspring account. I really don't like how spending all day inside studying compels me to spend a whole lot more time on the internet. I end up signing up for all these social networking sites, even if I don't really want to. Anyways, if you're itching to ask something extremely vital or insanely random, give it a whirl. Maybe it'll turn into a kind of anonymous agony-uncle feature. If not I'll probably just delete it after a while. Like after exams. When I can go outside more often. Like normal people. Normal. C'est vrai non?

An excuse to write

2010-06-05T11:13:00.004+02:00

Today I have a case of blogger's block. Very simply put, I don't know what to write about. So perhaps I'll write about that - writing.

I'm not going to write about the history of writing, the writing of literature or even the systems of writing. Wikipedia was made for that. I'm going to talk about what writing means to someone who writes.

It's an art. Above all other characteristics that make something artistic, such as interpretation, the ability to communicate or express, or even that subtle enigmatic quality of inherent beauty that is common to all art, personally I believe it is an art because it is something that you cannot do all the time. A painter may paint, a musician may compose, and a writer may write. But the product itself is not always the same. It's quality ebbs and twists subject to the inspiration of the artist. Sometimes the muse is playing and the hand moves as if of its own accord, the person seeming to be no more than a spectator in the birth of something truly remarkable before him. Other times it is as if one doesn't know how to operate his or her own thumb, almost as if it were a new acquaintance. It's not on. It's not happening. You have yourself a firm, rude, mocking block. And it is frustrating.

Yet if it were not so I wonder if we would treasure art for what it is. Surely the qualities mentioned above, the emotional implications and delicate statements art can make give it more value than pearls and trinkets. Yet this fleeting feature to it, that it is rare, here and then gone, is what I believe makes it precious. If every time we were to hear a person play the piano it would, without fail, be a masterpiece, then just as surely as the value of currency it would depreciate to nothing more than a common-day thing. Moreover, we would most likely be upset if it were not so, stamping our feet and pacing in outrage. No? Think about computers. I have a Dell PC at home that I've had for almost eight years now. Until not long ago it was still my main hardware at home. It took roughly half an hour to be able to operate after being switched on because of all the painstaking loading of programmes it had to do. If I tried to run more than three programmes at the same time it would slow down to the pace of a very indecisive sloth. If I dared to have a wind filter coming in from the right on Photoshop as opposed to from the default left, it would have a heart attack and the program would freeze. It was below par. And it frustrated me. Now imagine dancers were like PC's. To a great degree the industry already treats all manner of artists in such a light, pushing them to be the best and create the best in order to make the final cut. But what if you or I, the average Joe, had to be so very critical? If every wrong note or misplaced brushstroke, or, dare I say it, the occasional misuse of syntax, provoked the same response as a desktop that just took too long to load?

Perhaps I have gone off point. Perhaps I never had one to begin with. But, if you have made it this far, leave with at least one sentiment in mind. That at its core art isn't really about the product. Like life, it's about the journey, both of the artist and the beholder. It provokes thought, emotion and reflection. It provokes change. And in the end, it transforms something small and rudimentary into something meaningful.

THE GREATEST ART from Hillsong Church on Vimeo.

Salt

2010-05-25T11:08:00.004+02:00

We cannot run a marathon unless

we take that first step.

There is a world out there

that needs change,

needs hope, and needs

love.

Nothing will bring about these things

unless we decide

to be the change,

the hope and

the love

in this world.

Church is not about buildings or

institutions;

rules, laws and regulations;

it's not even about vocation

or sacrament.

The Church is the people

who follow Christ.

Christians.

What does

that mean, to be

Christian?

Is it about

practise or education? Is it about

tradition?

Is it about morals or ethics or principles?

Is it even about devotion?

What if it wasn't about any of these things?

What if it was about something entirely different?

What if it was all about

relationship?

A relationship with God.

To relate to God and

with God.

A God whose heart is for the broken

and the dying, the poor and the neglected.

Not only that, but whose heart is also for

the CEO and the spoilt child,

for the comfortable and

for the passive.

For those who are too good and those who

never will be.

Relating to a God like that might change lives.

It might change the world.

But change

requires sacrifice.

Love necessitates

a price. And to change

the world would take

a great price.

It would take suffering.

It would take

a cross.

"You are the salt of the earth."

Matthew 5:13

Every second

2010-05-20T21:34:00.004+02:00

Push. Push! Now breathe slowly, just breathe. Another one gone, so close. She says soon. Man, I hope so. It's so warm in here, how long has it been now? I really need a drink. Ice, lovely. I suppose it'll have to do. Thanks dear. Look at him, he has no idea what to do with himself. So clueless. It's cute. He still acts like a little boy sometimes. I love that about him. Yeah, yeah, hold my thighs, I know, I know. You don't have to tell me a - Oh! I'm pushing, I'm pushing! I can't give anymore lady! AH! Oh God... Oh God... It's... It's a girl!

Oh man she's holding my hand! Score! What do I do now? Ok, ok this is good. This is great! Right, act casual. Maintain eye contact. Wait, how's my breath? What did I eat last? I think it was pizza... I should really learn to never eat at parties. Ok focus! She's smiling. Slide the hand around the waist.... like that. Hozaa! She stopped. Is this is it? Is this the sign? Oh man, just go for it. She's leaning! Slowly... slowly... and... bingo.

I can't believe we ran out of milk; cereal without milk isn't cereal. Well, technically it is but that's not the point. It gets all mushy inside your mouth and dry and then you have to drink something or - wow. Is that what I think it is? Oh! It is! Mcdaddy fries and a llama what do I do now? Should I open it? Of course I open it, what else am I supposed to do, name it and take it for walks in the morning? Ok stop being silly. Argh! These envelopes never open easily. They always tear. Geez I'm nervous. Are my hands shaking? I think so. Ok just go for it. The board of... bla bla.... which one of these are they on? Maybe the- Oh! I passed!

The food tonight hasn't been as good as usual. Did they change chefs or something? The menu's still the same. What's eating him up? He's been distracted all evening. Smile a bit silly. There we go. To be honest I can't wait to get out of here. I just want to go home, change into my jammies and curl up on the couch with a good DVD or something. I know I promised him we'd go out but maybe he'll be open to it. You never know. It's great night outside though, he'll use that. Oh crap! This dress is new! I'm such a clutz sometimes! *sigh* Hun can you get me another napkin? Hun? Why is he kneeling? Oh my.

Do these machines always have to make so much noise? I don't get it. But heck there's a lot I don't get. Like the custard they serve for lunch, why does the woman always ask me which one I want when she knows they've only got one flavour in stock? And they say I'm the senile one. Sheesh. I never eat the thing anyway. They should serve something nice once in a while. Like apple pie. Hang on, hospital apple pie. Ha! I'd like to see that! Or maybe not. Susie made a killer apple pie. Always was a whiz in the kitchen, that woman. Gosh I miss her. One day, one day. I'll have to make do with my dreams for now dear. My dreams... I should get some sleep. I'm awfully tired.

The Three Loves

2010-05-16T11:09:00.002+02:00

Love isn't something easy to define. It's abstract, vague, enigmatic. The closest attempt at a definition I've ever heard is "Love is the voluntary renunciation of rights". If you looked it up in the dictionary you'll probably find a lot of definitions that have to do with the things people associate love with - feelings, emotions, hope, security, happiness. Love does have a lot to do with these things, but it doesn't begin with them. You can't say that love is a feeling as much as you can't say that chocolate ice-cream is a chocolate, even though chocolate is precisely what you taste, what you experience. All these things are facets and products of genuine love, but they aren't the thing itself. They're not the root. So what is? The answer is choice. We love someone or something because we choose to. We choose to give them more importance, more time, and priority in our lives. Often we'll find ourselves putting them - voluntarily - before our own interests. Because we love them. The willingness to let go of what we're entitled to. That's where it all begins. But certainly, this isn't something that comes naturally to all people. Most people struggle with love; none of us can claim to do it perfectly. It's something that has to be learned through experience. But how do we learn to love? To love well?

One The love of God

The alpha and the omega - where it all starts and ends. God is the author, perfecter and embodiment of love. It's because we're made in His likeness that we're even able to love and it's through experiencing Him, directly or indirectly, that we learn how to love. God is the easiest thing to love and, paradoxically, the easiest thing to hate. God is perfect and infinite, always good, always right, always forgiving, always hoping. It's not hard to see how His qualities always win our hearts over. These same qualities can infuriate us - experiencing the infinite will always point out the limitations and shortcomings of the finite. We'll never be as good as He is. He'll never lose an argument. And, most frustrating of all, it is never His fault. But to know this and take it against God is to relinquish everything you have been given so freely in pursuit of a feeble pride. To say no to the one person who is best equipped and ever available to help us. If we let go and return, just making one step, opening the door a crack, we'd find His love isn't based on our acceptance or our ability.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

Loving God is so easy to do because He chose to love us first. He created us. He disciplined us. He forgave us. And He saved us from ourselves. All because He loves us. And no matter what we will ever do, He will always love us. Realising this, and experiencing it, can bear only one inevitable outcome. To love Him back.

Two The love of Others

You might not have noticed, but we live in a world filled with other people. What a shame. People that take the last seat on the bus. People that cut us off in the queue. People that smell. Interacting with other people is a necessity of living. Loving them is not. It is perfectly feasible to live ones life not caring for anyone beyond their ability to give us something we want. This thing could be a home, a job, company, a discount at the supermarket, even emotional attachment. If in all these things our focus is only on ourselves, what we're getting or experiencing, then based on our definition love hasn't entered the picture. And the scary part is that, because of our fallen nature, prioritising our own interests is what we're programmed to do. And we all do it. A lot.

But the first love will also inevitably lead us to the second. Slowly we begin to see aspects of God in His creatures. Think about it this way, God is good and the source of all goodness, so every time you see someone say or do something good you are seeing a part of who God is. You are seeing God in them. Think of your favourite hero speech from a film you've seen. That feeling of righteousness, of truth, of defiance in the face of evil, that's of God. And it's incredibly attractive. It feels right. This makes moving from loving God in Himself to loving Him in others flow easily. But there is a step beyond this - to love someone else for themselves, just as loving God in Himself. This isn't as easy as the first love, because unlike God, they're not perfect. They're going to make mistakes. They're going to mess up. And often they're not going to deserve it. To move past this is in no case easy but to do so is to achieve something truly beautiful - to love as God loves us. To make sacrifices and go out of one's way for another person just because they are, is to mirror the Creator and the Saviour. To take joy in them. To be interested in them. To look at what they do and take as much pleasure in it as if you had done it yourself. And to do this because it has been done to you.

Three The love of Self

You'll notice that loving yourself is the third step in the cycle. Which is odd as society deems that this is where it starts. Everything around us tells us to please ourselves, to make ourselves happy, to treat ourselves with some fancy shower gel. And loving ourselves is important, but we have to put it in context, so to speak.

The third love is not really about making ourselves happy or treating ourselves. Not that it's wrong once in a while, it's just not the point. Loving God and loving others, being led to a state of mind which always looks to put others before yourself can make self-love seem like a dirty concept. But think about it more in the sense of accepting yourself. Ah. To be other-minded is something divine, but if not coming from the right heart it can also be a form of escapism. Because when you're always thinking and working for others then you never have to come around to facing who you are. And for a society which promotes loving ourselves, there's a good number of us who find it hard to come to terms with who we are. To accept the way we look. The way we speak. The way we're not quite as good at football. The way we're too tall or too short. The way that in some form, we're just not good enough. And the hard part is that it's probably true.

But loving ourselves is just as important as loving God and loving others. It completes the circle and can only really be done once we've been through the other two. It is the second reversed. To look at ourselves, just as we are, with the eyes of the Father. To know that we are loved even though we are not worthy of it. To know that we're accepted. Just as we are. So then how can we judge ourselves? Who are we to say we're not good enough? Who are we to reject ourselves? Once we learn this love, possibly the hardest of the three, the cycle moves more easily. We learn to accept others' faults more easily once we've learned to accept our own. And we learn to love the Creator more when we really love the creation. To look at what you've done and take as much joy in it as if someone else had done it, that is the third.

Looking for that "thing"

2010-05-08T15:38:00.003+02:00

This week I watched the film Kick Ass. My opinion of the film generally coincides with what other people told me they thought of it - that it doesn't take itself seriously. The plot wasn't terribly ingenuous and not that much goes on. The most likeable aspect of the movie are the characters. Except for Big Daddy's voice. I think his constant exclamation of "Oh child!" a little, well, 'the call is coming from inside the house'. You get me.

One thing did remain with me after the film finished, it was something the protagonist, Dave, said:

"Not saying there was anything wrong with me. Just that you'd have a hard time finding a hook. I mean, I wasn't into sport... I wasn't a mathlete... or a hard-core gamer... I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder, or a thousand friends on Myspace. I wasn't funny. Like most people my age, I just existed."

Going through the teen years can be a pretty gruelling experience. Setting aside all the havoc hormones are wreaking on the body and the pressures of trying to succeed academically in an ever increasingly competitive world, there's the social scene to consider. It's a pretty well established fact that people like categories. Once you start to be able to form an opinion on something you're labelled into the cohort who's beliefs are akin to yours. I remember when I was in my teens most of this labelling was associated with music. You had the rappers, the party people, the skaters, the rockers, the technophiles, the punks, the popular people. The list seems endless. And you couldn't escape one label or another, somehow you were always fitted into some form of group. Even if you deliberately tried not to, a group would be made out of the people trying not to fit into a group. And the world keeps on turning.

The University years dissolve this social herding and brings forth the era of individualism. Studying an area that you specifically chose for yourself and being amongst a large student body in an environment that encourages you to mingle, meet new people and get involved in whatever floats your boat can do wonders for your development. Now the tough questions begin: what do I care about? What do I want to work towards? Can I achieve everything I'm setting out to achieve? I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that the environment and opportunities today - even on this tiny rock of an island - give ample chance for everyone to succeed in what they set out to do. But then, what if you're not so sure about that?

Some people are born knowing that they want to be doctors, pilots, teachers, forensic anthropologists, but some people aren't quite so sure about their calling. Many have very evident passions and talents - captain of the football team, the aspiring dramatist, the talented pianist. But then a lot of people are middle ground. Average. Run-of-the-mill. Not really bad at things but then not quite having a field of expertise. Liking different areas but without any sense of a true calling. The drifters. The doubters. The people who just seem to exist. And this can be the cause of a lot of distress. Because no matter how non-chalante one can appear to be about the subject, everyone desires to have their own "thing" - that one field where they're the resident consultant. The one passion for which they will work and strive towards.

I think most people eventually find out what it is they feel their "thing" is. For some maybe it lies in family - certainly these days being a good Mom or Dad is certainly no easy thing. Or perhaps it's being a good friend to those who need an ear or a shoulder. There are no easy answers to such insightful questions, certainly none that I can attempt to give. There have been endless stories, poems and songs written about the human desire to discover its purpose in life. In the end, we're all trying to find our place in a very big world. I don't think we're made for one single thing, one mission. We're a little more varied than that. We're like pen-knives. We're multi-purpose. And to make it more complicated, we change with time. The saw gets replaced with a spoon, the can-opener with a corkscrew. We have no directive. No instructions. In the end, we're just here. We just exist. We're what we are. Us.

And you know, I think there's a purpose behind that.

Picking it up

2010-05-03T11:28:00.004+02:00

My apologies for not blogging last week. I really wanted to, but I've been swamped with trying to study for an A level in a week, which really is much less fun than I thought it would be. There'll be a post later this week.

In the meantime, take a look at this shiny thing right here!

Out.

I have no idea...

2010-04-28T20:40:00.002+02:00

...when I'm going to be able to blog this week.

Seriously.

United we stare

2010-04-22T17:35:00.004+02:00

Blink. Then blink again. Then realise that you are blinking. As you realise this, notice that it is not remarkable in its own right. It is remarkable in that it makes you realise that you've done something, because quite frankly you have spent the last fifteen minutes or so (fifteen whole minutes!) doing nothing at all. Just staring at that one spot on the wall, not aware of anything. You blinked again. See? Hardly remarkable now, is it?

Procrastination - the plague that riddles every teenager, twenty-something-year-old and just about anyone who has to meet a deadline of some sort. It astounds us, it terrifies us, and it unites us. It has fuelled companies and websites, and its repercussions - having to cram in an immense amount of work into a very short time frame - leaves the coffee industry's pockets nice and taught. Well, tea in my case. I decided to write about this particular topic because last week as I sat down to work I was permeated by that inexplicable desire to do nothing. Nothing at all. Not only did I want to avoid doing the work I had to do, I had absolutely no inkling or desire to do anything else that might be deemed productive in some form or fashion. To top this off, doing nothing at all also incited frustration. Doing nothing was not an option. But there was nothing that I deemed worthy of doing. So I sat and paced and sat and did nothing and went over my options, deciding that none of them was a viable solution, I paced and sat and did more nothing. In the end, I picked up my guitar.

Coming from the Latin pro (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow), Wiki tells us that procrastination is "particularly prevalent in the academic setting" , even citing that "80-95% of college students engage in procrastination, approximately 75% consider themselves procrastinators". How about that for unity in diversity? There's even a Student syndrome described, where "people will start to fully apply themselves to a task just at the last possible moment before a deadline". As I read through the page I realised just how true this all is. How many people do I know that are always ready on time with presentations? How many keep to their study schedule and don't have to cram in at the end or leave bits and bobs out? It affects us to such a degree that we've made a science out of sitting for exams. With just a little information of the exam format we can deduce the important things to go over, how many questions we can afford to leave out, and even tackle the beast that is negative marking with only the most basic of background information. Being a student isn't about vigour or applying yourself to hard work and learning (well perhaps for some of us it is, though rarely in areas that we really need to be). It's about being able to write five hundred words on... well... nothing.

But procrastination has been with us since the dawn of time. What is scary about it today is that it's been made semi-pro. Twitter. Blogs. Youtube. Facebook. The titans of modern slacking. They provide us with hours of meaningless activity if we're desperate enough to look for it. Or create it. As exam season rolls around the activity sky rockets with status updates every fifteen minutes, then comments on the updates, then comments on the comments, and down the spiral we go. How many hours of our lives have we lost to these monsters? What was life like before we had them? Because I don't know if you've noticed, but we can be pretty resourceful and creative when it comes to applying ourselves to something if it means avoiding applying ourselves to something else. If we didn't have these networking sites maybe we could devote our time to creating something new, to discovering some new insight about life, to having real conversations with real people about real things. Maybe, when you think about it, procrastination isn't such a bad thing. Maybe it's what sometimes drives us to explore areas of life that we never would. To bring out the poet, the scientist, the friend inside all of us. But we'll never get there if we're still looking around for a new profile picture.

Tick Tock

2010-04-14T16:56:00.004+02:00

The other day I came across this excerpt from C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters:

"Let [man] feel as a grievous tax that portion of [time] which he has to make over to his employers, and as a generous donation that further portion which he allows to religious duties. But what he must never be permitted to doubt is that the total from which these deductions have been made was, in some mysterious sense, his own personal birthright."

Time. It is perhaps our most precious and valuable asset. Time is money, yet it can't be bought or sold. There's always either too much of it or never enough. It is unfeeling in its routine and yet it is the great healer and comforter. As I left the house after reading this I mulled over this whole concept of the way I regard my time. It was around five thirty. Rush hour. As I sat cooly in the driver's seat, the music from the stereo playing soothingly around me, I observed my fellow commuters. The emotions on display on all their faces ranged from tiredness and distaste to urgency and frank anger. Being stuck in the same position for even two minutes has the ability to make one irate enough to yell and honk if they feel this is an extra interruption to their planned schedule. "I've been at work all day. I'm really tired. I don't need this". How many times have I felt this way? But as I sat there in my nonchalance I felt eerily removed from the scene in front of me. I was a casual observer in this cacophony of protest.

Have you ever had any experience with that particular type of person who always likes to be on time and thus becomes extremely nervous and agitated if they are late for anything? I am one of those people. Life tends to be very hectic and I find myself always rushing from one thing to another. Everything becomes scheduled, planned, prepared, and dated; and anything that gets in the way of that can send me over the edge rather quickly, even if it's my own fault and especially if it's due to someone I know and love. My time is precious and quite frankly I don't have too much of it just lying around (but then somehow I still find myself procrastinating from work. How I do this I may never know). But who am I to judge how best my time is spent? We prioritise things in our life and thus everything else that seeks our attention is an allowance from our higher commitments. So what happens when our time is intruded upon without our permission? We get irritated. We get mad. And we get rude.

But I should think: What right do I have to my time? What makes it mine? Did I somehow earn it? Because I certainly didn't make it. When it comes down to it I can't mould it, bend it nor shape it in any way. All I can do is move along with it in the flow of life until I reach the end of my days. The end of my allotted time. And it is allotted. This is the one preconception we seem to never question nor revise. Truly, we are rarely aware that the sentiment even exists. We have no right to our days just as much as we have no right to our birth, to our health, to our belongings, and to our family. We don't get to choose how much time we have, we only get to decide how to use it. It is, very really and truly, a gift. Perhaps if we had to treat it as such our attitudes might change more radically than we'd expect. If every moment, every minute, is a gracious gift that we are given - to be alive, to experience relationship, and to create - then how could we possibly be upset that we're not in the place we had planned to be or doing the thing we "should" be doing? Perhaps He who has given you all your hours and minutes and seconds has somewhere He thinks you should be. What if that irritating last minute conversation with your mother just as you're about to head out is something that she really needs to share with you? Is doing the dishes after supper such a waste of your precious study time?

There are things in life that are beyond our control. There are things that are entirely up to us. And then there are things that are in between. What we must decide is how we are going to approach them.

This weather

2010-04-09T19:06:00.008+02:00

Makes me feel very, very sleepy.

I've been listening to a lot of Brooke Fraser lately and I have to say she's become one of my favourite artists by far. She is a Kiwi, so you know, awesome by default. Recently I've been running around looking at MIDI keyboards and after a trip to Olimpus this afternoon I think I've narrowed the choice down to two models; the deciding factor being, as usual, money. I want to get one to be able to compose and such with Garageband. I've been toying around with the program for a while and it's pretty easy to use, if not slightly restricted. But then for something that comes ready installed on the Mac, it's pretty brilliant. Maybe in future I'll move onto the beast that is Logic. Baby steps.

I got a desk chair this week! I know this isn't really news, but it's nice and swanky and maybe now I can get all kinds of work done comfortably. So yay :)

Regarding the comments on this week's post, Drew I don't think any of the things you said actually clash with anything I discussed, if not highlighted things that I didn't really go into. So thanks for that. I was pretty surprised how short it was to be honest, funny how things look really detailed in your head but once you actually type them out there's not much there. I'll try make them longer in future. I've got some ideas for next week's post but if you have any serious things you think I should write about leave your suggestions in the comments section. I have a tendency to write reflective stuff and of a somewhat spiritual nature (mostly because those are the kind of things I usually ponder) but I'll diversify if I think the suggestion's interesting.*

*Lady Gaga and insomnia don't qualify as interesting :P

Out.

Aw shucks!

2010-04-07T14:43:00.007+02:00

"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."
Socrates

Around 400 BC Socrates was trailing around Greece being very concerned with wisdom. So concerned that he proceeded to have a chat with all the most learned and respected people of his time, after which he concluded that no-one really knew much about anything and that he was the smartest one of the lot because he was honest enough to admit it. At first glance it doesn't tell us much about wisdom, but it does tell us a lot about humility.

My dictionary defines humility as "a modest or low view of one's own importance". I shall begin by saying I believe this definition to be inaccurate, though it is what most people believe. To think that you, as an individual, or any of your qualities are automatically inferior or less valuable than anyone else's is to miss the mark quite radically. Doing so to make other people think better of you is to do the complete reverse. "Oh he never takes credit for anything. It's SO good and he still thinks it's rubbish! He's SO humble!" Mmmm, you can practically taste the fuzzy warmth of it all.

St Bernard defines humility as "A virtue by which a man knowing himself as he truly is, abases himself". Let's look at the first part. To be humble is to know who you are. To know your talents and your abilities. To know your strengths and your weaknesses. To be that which you really are, and, simply, not to try to be anything else. And after knowing this very well, to serve others no matter who they are. In other words, not to think that you are nothing, but not to think that you are of more worth than others. To elaborate more on this elusive virtue, let's have a look at its antonym - pride. Pride is precisely to believe that something you are, have, own, or are affiliated to, is better than all the others. That you deem it more valuable, more worthy, than everyone else's. Notice though, that pride necessitates competition. You can only be proud of something if there's something it can be better than. If something exists in isolation, then there is no room for pride. God isn't proud because there is no other god but Him. He just knows who he is, which if you'll remember is the first part of humility. The second has something to do with a guy named Jesus, but I digress. Proud people aren't really concerned with being good at something, or even with being the best at something, but only with being better than everyone else.

On the other hand, people who are really humble don't look like shy, low self-esteeming anonymities who won't take credit for anything and will always hide their talents or abilities (if they claim to have any). Real humbletons want to be the best they can be. They want to maximise their potential and they're not afraid to take credit where credit is due. They don't care about how they measure up next to the rest, but they're willing to work with the rest. Even to work for the rest. They don't need to be better than someone, or feel like they're worth more than someone, because they know who they are. Who God made them to be. And perhaps, when we're humble enough, we might start to change the world. But don't tell anyone, OK?

Beyond the Veil

2010-04-02T13:58:00.009+02:00

As I woke this morning and pottered about my room one thing struck me. As the sun flooded into the room from the skylight above, the world rested in one perfect, still, small silence. Complete quiet. Complete rest. No bells, no cars, no shouts. Nothing. A very silent world seemingly basking in the knowledge that today, while perfectly ordinary in its composition, is unlike any other day. Good Friday, the day of the Passion of our Lord.

This Easter season has been somewhat elusive to me this year. Through the forty days of fast, prayer and almsgiving we are led further up and further in to this mystery that, for those who believe, has changed everything. But in the regularity I find it's often easy to fall into the trap of running through the motions. We know what the point of it all is - God made man took our sins upon Himself in order to pay the price that we could not pay, thus redeeming the world; and in His resurrection opened the way for those who believe to be glorified with Him in everlasting life. Talk about a mouthful. Simple isn't it? So simple.

What makes Easter so particular then? Christ accomplishes His ultimate goal for being incarnate on this earth. He unites Himself with us fully, taking the suffering that was ours to bear, and taking it not without fear. And He was afraid. He was to undergo physical pain that most people will never even fathom; the disciples He would leave behind were far from "enlightened" and in their current condition unlikely to carry on His ministry; He would entrust his family to the care of others when He was still young and able. And yet He did all this, without a single protest, with no objection. Without even opening his mouth. How? We cannot know what He pondered in His heart and battled in His soul. Yet we do know that He had thirty three years learning to trust His Father, to trust that part of Him that was not afraid and stood as light in the darkness. That voice in His heart that was more concerned with love for a broken world than fear of pain and death. A love and an obedience that overcame everything. Everything.

It is this love that lead Christ to the cross, to that hill where sin and death was defeated forevermore. It is this love that raised Him on the third day to glory. It is this love that is the embodiment of God's Spirit which He poured out on all. The love which comes from knowing the One who is love. The love which comes from the knowledge that you have been given before you ever asked, that you have been served before you ever moved a muscle, that He to whom you are called to be obedient was faithful to the last.

What is Easter about? Bunnies and chocolate eggs? Perhaps so (I do love those cream eggs). But maybe it's about something much deeper. Maybe it's about God taking a stand with those who would spit in His face. Maybe it's about a Saviour who's relationship with His Father paved the way for our own relationship with Him. Perhaps, if you look past the veil of pain, and crosses and nails, you will enter into a place where you find, simply, love. Real love.

Out.

Terms and Conditions apply

2010-03-30T22:04:00.009+02:00

Looks like the once a week blog idea has gone down well. The only suggestion I've gotten was to write an article on "The real meaning of Easter". I'm still open to taking other ideas, but if none present themselves I'll try post one on it by the end of the week. To clarify, this project binds me, to the best of my ability, to publish a serious article on a topic chosen myself or suggested by any reader, once a week. Also, I'd prefer if people would suggest titles in the comments section, as opposed to things like twitter and google buzz (like the one above). It just makes my life easier.

I haven't decided on publishing them on a specific day, maybe I will in time. Maybe not. There'll probably be other posts interspersed between the articles, either rants or little news posts like this one.

As you've probably noticed, I've spent the last hour customising the blog a bit. If there's anything you think I should add or if there's something that looks plain silly, leave a comment to let me know.

And last but not least,

Out.

The Proposal

2010-03-28T16:11:00.004+02:00

Here's an idea for an interesting race. From having all your hardware switched off and unplugged, you have to update your facebook status. But you're working with a Pentium 3 processor and Windows 95. And dial-up.

So I was thinking about all this blogging lark and came up with a concept of sorts. I thought it might be a cool idea to try and blog regularly, say once a week, each time tackling a certain definite topic. This could either be a common day occurrence that I'd have witnessed or just a general 'point-of-view' monologue. If this were to be successfully carried out I'd pick the best ones and try get them published into a book of sorts. Then again, I don't really know of anyone who'd be willing to publish such ramblings, but then you never know. Possibly a magazine column? Who knows. However, to accomplish this I shall be needing your help, for though sometimes I have something on my mind to say, mostly I don't. So, with that in mind, leave your thoughts and opinions on the whole matter along with anything you think I should write about in the comments section below (sorry for the Ray William Johnson reference, couldn't help myself). So yeah, I'll be waiting for your feedback. If people actually respond to this I'm going to do my best to keep it up. I might even do research. Research!

Out.

Cost Effective

2010-03-22T22:46:00.003+01:00

There comes a point in ones life, not one but several, where it's necessary to slow down and take stock of what's important; to realise what you spend your time doing and what you want to spend your time doing. How you spend your days is how you spend your life. I think I'm slowly progressing to one of those points.

Time management. Our single most useful ally and simultaneously our worst enemy. Well, mine at the very least. As I was having dinner I mulled over the fact that I distinctly remember a time in my life where I'd have to think up things to do because if I didn't, I'd get bored. I'd watch TV. I'd play video games. I'd read books. These days I have to try and find a slot in my schedule to do any of these things. How ever did life get so busy? I'd even go so far as to say that I miss having time to be more devoted to my studies. Now that's saying something.

Don't take this from the wrong end, I'm happy to be involved in everything that I'm doing. In fact there's a whole list of other things I'd love to do if I only had the time. And therein lies the problem - time. There just doesn't seem to be enough of it; though I'm fairly certain I still get the same daily ration I've always had, it doesn't seem to be quite enough anymore. I don't calculate in days anymore, I think in terms of weeks, of dates, and of monthly planners. Everything's a slot, an availability, a schedule. I'm enslaved to the calendar on my mobile phone.

I could probably achieve everything I want to do if I could manage my time better. In other words, if I was C3PO. But I'm human. I'm lazy. I take half an hour to get out of bed in the morning. I spend an hour on the computer "checking emails". I get headaches. The fact of the matter is that I'm just not efficient most of the time. In a world where everything is constantly advancing one thing that seems to remain in version 1.0 is me.

But you know, I don't believe time was made to be managed and scheduled. It's there to be lived. So, all in all, what does it all boil down to? How much stuff you've got going on in your life? How much you resemble a british speaking android? Possibly. It's definitely responsible for part of the answer. But I think the heart of the matter is in attitude. Where are you living? In tomorrow's meeting? In the gym session at 2pm? Or here, now?

Out.

Quite common

2010-03-02T21:14:00.003+01:00

Is it just me or is everyone watching the big bang theory now? It's like Sheldon Cooper's become a household name practically overnight.

I have been assaulted by a viral upper respiratory tract infection in the form of acute viral rhinopharyngitis, otherwise known as the common cold. There is no cure. And symptoms may last from 7 to 10 days according to wikipedia. This seemingly minor illness has caused me to take half the day off yesterday and stay inside today after waking up to what felt like the AGM for purulent naso-pharyngeal mucoid secretions, being held very claustrophobically in my general sinus region. Consequently I have spent an entire day inside, well most of the day, doing not much else than watch the big bang theory and tinker about on my guitar. After much deliberation I have come to the conclusion that making nice sounds come out of guitar effects equipment involves hours of turning knobs and pressing buttons all the while thinking "oh ok, I didn't know I could do that...... ok wow there are a lot of these....... so if I try this with this then it should...... sound like crap.....hmmmm..." etc etc. That's only my hypothesis in any case.

I'm sorry, perhaps you were expecting something more substantial from a blog post. I could rant about my distaste for obs & gynae which inevitably every fourth year medical student is moaning about at the moment, or express my joy at the fact that I'm off to London in 9 days, but nay, I shall delay these. Let's be on to something a bit more insightful.

Thought. Perhaps in all the relentless motion of the day one does not consider just how much time is spent immersed in it. Standing still, as if waist deep in a pool, though not of water but of notions, ideas, perceptions and wonder. Instead of the sensation of the wetness of the water, or it's cooling effect against the skin, there is the warmth and complicated emotional tango of subjecting the mind's eye to the number of situations the self is being projected into. Some as real and relevant as what kind of schedule the morning will bring, others as pointless as imagining all kinds of strange and wondrous events and trying to decide what course of action would be taken should it actually occur. These both represent parts of active thinking, anticipation, planning, imagination and deduction. However they are not the most peacable form of thought. For it is those moments when all falls quiet and your sight fixes absent-mindedly upon some large item of furniture opposite, or perhaps a print on the wall, and the world around you narrates to you some secrets of life. The still, small voice that breathes into you as you are conscious of everything and yet of nothing. The small fragments of flint and material, lighter than air, floating and twinkling in the light of the lamp, dancing before you like faeries in the night. The room rests in itself as all the items sprawled around it cease to seem as clutter for the night; for all intents and purposes those are their rightful places. The warmth of the bedsheets melts through skin, as if you were butter in a giant cotton baked potato. This place is still. And safe. Say not a word, but listen to the voice of life.

Out.

Little End Room

2010-02-25T18:00:00.005+01:00

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about poems and influences and all that jazz. Anyways, I ended up going through some old stuff I had written back in sixth form. I'd forgotten how much stuff I actually got down to writing, from poems to essays to streams of consciousness. It's amusing to see a more teen angsty take on many things, but it reminded me how much you can do if you put your mind to it. Here's one of the entries; it was written in October of 2005.

____________

Shelter

Blue. It was all blue. The aching, the uneasiness, the loneliness, and worst of all, the fear. All gone, somewhere far away. She was beside herself, no longer part of this world, no longer wearing the shackles that tied her down every moment of every day. Even so, the marks were there, scars from the cycle, remnants that hope is a distant memory. It was all gone, it was all blue.
The dust was dry and cool beneath her feet, and as the fields rustled in the breeze, a golden shimmer of corn shifting lazily, a few solitary rays of dim light shone through the cover overhead. It was overcast, the sky beyond the clouds not showing at all, and everything adopted that dark blue tinge as things do before heavy rainfall. Everything was still, nothing except for the persistent but gentle breeze and the girl’s soft breathing could be heard. You couldn’t really see anything in front of her, the path continued over the small hill and all around were fields. They seemed endless.
She stood there, alone in the clean, light air. Her arms crossed at the waist, she let out a gentle sigh which resounded among the entire area into eternity. It was warm, not the type of warm that comes from a sunny day, the kind that comes when everything is calm, the warm before the war, the warm after the end, the warm of that special person’s embrace. How long had she been here? She didn’t know. Time didn’t really apply here.
They say people envision things in their minds, a place they go to when things get too much to bear, a place where they feel safe. Sometimes a person needs somewhere where they can be alone, somewhere where everything is an extension of themselves. Was she alone? No. He was here. He was always here, and the reason she comes here is to feel his presence. He was the only thing that could take her burden, that would carry her through, he was what gave her life. And in this place, this precious haven, he was everywhere, the whisper in the air, the falling leaf, the smallest stone.
She let out another soft sigh and rubbed her sore wrists, the skin on her cheeks wrinkling into the faintest smile. She didn’t want to go back, it was hard back, and here she was truly free. But it didn’t matter. She had to, and she would. Being here again, it took everything away, even the fear. It was always still here, always warm, always blue. It would rain one day, when she was ready.

Out.

We built the Pyramids

2010-02-23T17:30:00.002+01:00

This week, thanks to the efforts of Simon, (who is very anal about his macbook and won't let me wear my watch while typing. I don't blame him really. It does scratch), I have discovered The Big Bang Theory. Not the actual theory, the series.

I now have a perpetual Sheldon living inside my head making witty remarks about everything. I have to say, it's very amusing.

Out.

Much Ado about Nothing

2010-02-18T12:06:00.003+01:00

It's a beautiful outside - the sun, the blue sky, the fact that it's 12:07 and I'm already at home. Had a couple of hours at the Rabat Health Centre this morning as part of our Family Medicine placements. The world of the GP is, well, chaotic and a little all over the place. That said, it's rather fun, if it wasn't for the seemingly 100-year old buildings the work often takes place in. I'm actually waiting for the GP I'm assigned to to call me any time this afternoon to join him on some home visits. It feels like I'm on call. Oh dear.

The Exploding Girl. The film itself seems very deep and slightly odd, so I doubt I'd be promoting it to anyone... except maybe Dan. Could be good though. But damn, I think that's a pretty awesome title right there.

I'm starting to realise that I'm running out of time to do things. Drea caught my attention when she told me she finishes school in about two weeks, which means the A levels arent that far away at all and I am yet to write a single essay. In the meantime poster designs and rehearsals for the Lenten Talks are being flung at me, all the while juggling placements, tutorials and assignments from Uni. I should write write an essay tonight. I shall attempt this.

I ordered C.S. Lewis' classic works as a boxset edition from bookdepository.com this week! *glee*

I've had a few thoughts on youtube vlogs recently. Thing is, the two I usually semi-follow (vlogbrothers and equals three) both seem to be disappointing me recently. I still check them, especially the latter, but many things are becoming old, stale, corny and frankly just not entertaining. Which reminds me I still need to check Jamie's. Maybe they just lose their appeal after a while. Or maybe my tastes are changing. I've completely stopped reading webcomics apart from the occassional threepanelsoul (which updates like once a month so it suits my purposes perfectly). Maybe I'm growing up... *shudder* Then again, all these things become immensely interesting during exam time. So maybe that's it.

Geek rant imminent.

I was playing Resident Evil 5 last night. I've been playing it on and off for eons now and I've got the last chapter left to finish. But you know what? I'm not particularly bothered. I've been a fan of the series roughly since the second game came out (which in my opinion was by far the best), but I don't like where the series has gone. Since Code Veronica onwards all you seem to need to do is shoot lots of monsters with big guns and tap buttons in cutscenes. It's alright for a while, the story being the main driving factor behind playing, but even that is fast becoming lame and predictable. If I wanted a good fast paced action game I'd play Killzone. Even Deadspace (which basically has the same dynamics) is more interesting cause at least that game's friggin creepy. Gone are the days of conserving ammo, dodging zombies, looking for clues and keys, solving puzzles, and, most of all, an intruiging story. Maybe it's been milked for all it's worth, but if so let it rest with pride. No matter how much I play I miss the days when zombies were more interested in eating your brains at a shuffle than reloading their AK's while jumping accross rooftops. It never quite feels the same as trying to get out of Racoon City.

Jim Morrison scares me.

Out.

Coldest Weekend Evar

2010-02-12T16:29:00.002+01:00

So exams are over. I've spent the week doing nothing in terms of work, though it feels like it's been the busiest week of doing nothing for a while now. Currently sipping my tea, just finished packing for the community weekend which I will be leaving for in about an hour. The place is tiny and I foresee a bit of a fiasco. I shall laugh. And possibly point.

I fancy myself the next Jamie Oliver. I jest, I jest. But I have been cultivating an urge to get more into the cooking habit. Thanks to Krissie I'm rather familiar with good places to find recipes, such as Good Food, etc. etc. Not to mention Krissie herself. Just last Wednesday I made myself a ham and cheese omlete [we didn't have any mushrooms :( ] and french toast. No biggie, but coming from someone who's greatest accomplishment previously was pasta from a jar and the odd steak, it's progress. And well, I enjoy it.

Lent starts next week and this year I think I'm going to go pretty hardcore with my fast. I want to invest into this time to really go deeper spiritually. Which means I'm probably going to moan a lot. Inkeeping with this the Lenten Talks are coming up soon, as well as the InYgo fundraiser and Worship Central. This means lots of rehearsals. Then English A level. Not to mention the barrage of placements/assignments/tutorials/logbooks I have to contend with for my real course. This wasn't so inkeeping with that comment was it?

Google Buzz. Ray William Johnson put it as "A cross between Twitter and Facebook..... Twitface?". I think that's a pretty accurate description. Facebook I would probably not even use anymore if it wasn't for all the social organisation that takes place on it and that I get to look at people's photos. Twitter, though seemingly useless, I probably find the most fun of them all. Google buzz.... honestly, how much social networking does a person need to do? I say this, knowing that it's probably going to be one of my open bookmarks half the time. Oh hypocrisy!

Enjoy Carnival everyone!

Out.

Altogether abstract

2010-02-05T22:08:00.003+01:00

Have you ever struggled to voice the feelings inside you? We all have certain things that we enjoy doing in life. Some of us, indeed, too many. Be they art, music, sport, dance, stamp collecting; they serve us as a means of communicating something within us to the world. This was what the arts prinicipally came out of, but it can be extended to almost anything that a person does voluntarily and regularly. They become part of us - these activities - to form what I suppose one could only call the 'language of life'. You go out for a run every day (perhaps not the weekends though) and if you didn't, you wouldn't feel yourself. One who considers themselves a pianist might be slightly less obliging if they are forced to spend a number of days away from their instrument. Directly or indirectly, these things become part of how we relate to the world through the way we live our lives.

But sometimes one may experience difficulty expressing something within themselves via their adopted avenue, as if it were blocked or cut off entire. Impassable even. It may be the most trivial of things, but may compel the individual to rethink if this should be their avenue at all. Frustration. Disappointment. Despair. The left over bruises after bumping into the obstacles in our way. They readily present themselves, offering to hold us a quiant little 'pity party' for Me, Myself and I.

Yet to sit in this condition, even if the obstacle may be permanent, is to accept defeat. This is the great sadness of many people and the source of many of their regrets. For many a time though the obstacle may be permanent, it is not altogether impassable. It just requires a little bit of creativity.

Out.

The Big Book List

2010-02-01T21:39:00.003+01:00

Ok, so this ties in with Achie's blog. Had to do it.

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog/fb note so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of The Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling (half)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (own it, it's on my list)
6. The Bible

7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel (also on my list; also already own it)
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson (again, owned and on the list)
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (I have the complete collection but who knows when I’ll actually read it)
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So, in total...

Intend to read: 11

Love: 1

Not impressive. I knew it wouldn't be, mainly cause I only started getting into classical literature about a year ago or so, so don't be so harsh. What impresses me is that out of those six listed I only love one, and it's the Bible! (I'll let you decide whether that really counts or not).

Oh and I did read Moby Dick, but the kid's version not the classic, so I didn't include it. I'm just sayin'.

Out.

On Girlishness

2010-01-30T18:26:00.004+01:00

She looks like dark faded denim stitched straight through, with creased leather and belt buckles lacing their way around.

She looks like tea circles left on paper notes, camoflaged in lacy wording above and below the bars and staffs.

She looks like flowers neglected on the window sill, with the morning sunlight flooding into the messy living room.

She looks like a coffee table left out on the porch, paint stripping off and the cat asleep on top of it.

She looks like white bedsheets crumpled on the parquet floor, and mismatched coloured frames on the wall.

She looks like black and white photos of days on the beach, and the Cross of Christ crucified that I've had since I was a boy.

Out.

And a Glass of Wine

2010-01-27T19:17:00.003+01:00

I've been thinking recently about experiences. If you take a look around you there are things eveyrwhere that reflect one aspect or another of life back to you. The music on your ipod, the series on tv, the book on your bedside table. They're all products of people's experience of life and everything around them, relayed back to you in one form or another.

Artists, musicians, poets, writers, dancers, actors; all of these people, these roles, have one thing in common. That they do precisely this. They observe the world around them, and not only around them but in them. Seeing how life affects us and moulds us, and in doing so becomes part of us. They take part of that life in them and try portray it in a way they find they're able to. A person may play a few notes or write a few lines, but there comes a point where it's not about what's in front of the creator or audience, but what it does to them. What feeling, drive or thought there is behind the action. That's the beauty of the arts; they go beyond themselves and the meagre means they have, to change those on the receiving end. To evoke emotion, thought, life.

There is another side to this picture. Who knows how many beautiful works are out there, unseen and unknown, made by people who have no need to show them to others, or perhaps don't have the opportunity to do so. But still they go on. Still they create, even if they know no one will see it. Still there is this urge to take nothing and make it into something, something that's an extension of ourselves. Looking at life and everything in it prompts us to take a journey into ourselves - how we relate to the world, and how that world reacts when we do. And afer coming out the other end of this journey, with whatever new observation we have, with the slightest hint of an epiphany, what do we do? We share it. Because after all, what use is it being an explorer of life if you don't tell of your discoveries?

Out.

Serious Business

2010-01-25T17:58:00.003+01:00

"Where'd he go?"
"Down the alley, look."
"Oh right, now I see him. He can move pretty quickly when he wants to"
"Looks that way. Well, he's got the motivation to now. All he needed really."

The air tasted dank. It didn't smell of anything in particular, maybe a hint of tobacco flowing out of some old store. He licked his lips as the bitter steam washed across his face. He was moving fast now. Wall to pillar. Shadow to shadow. There wasn't any real need to hide, there wasn't anyone to see him. Not yet. There'd be noise. Lots of noise. That's what you remember after it's happened - the shouts, the confusion, the looks of surprise, quickly followed by intense, focused, anger. Keep moving, don't slow down. Keep going.

"D'you reckon he'll actually make it?"
"Not sure."
"Hang on, there they are! Look! There's about... twenty of them I think."
"Twenty two."
"Great. I was hoping it'd be more of a fair fight. It's hardly entertaining like this."
"Tell me about it. I've got a fiver that says he'll get through them in three."
"One and a half."
"You're on."

Out.

Fluorescent yellow

2010-01-15T23:00:00.003+01:00

People commented! You're such sports, have a gold star :)

I've been sitting here in this very spot for.... carry the 4..... 8 hours now. I have read... one chapter of anaesthesia. Doesn't sound too productive does it? Then again the entire book only contains 6 chapters. My ass hurts a little bit now. And I think I've developed restless leg syndrome....

There's a certain beauty in being home alone though. Being in a familiar place, quietly going about whatever it is you're occupied with while the rest of the world goes about it's crazy business outside. The news goes on in the background (cause for some reason all the other channels won't come in tonight). The mug of tea gently warms my hands in between bouts of fidgeting with the highlighter. Some foreign students from the residence across the street burst out laughing very, very loudly. Just an ordinary night in. Lovely.

I leave you to potter about with my guitar and possibly attempt writing a song, but first...

Out.

Oh harsh!

2010-01-13T18:34:00.003+01:00

I haven't blogged in quite a while. I've been really busy and, well, one of my new year's resolutions makes it harder to so. I'll explain in a bit, maybe. But I'm making excuses. And I'm making excuses to myself, because no one else really cares that much. Everyone's been busy. You know, Christmas, New Year's, and now exams. You would have said something if it bothered you. But you didn't. In any case I sit here with that urge to write a blog and yet have to needlessly justify the recent lack of one. So I try and bend my head around something random that can occupy some desperate minutes of your life and come up with naught but the lint from the inside-out pockets of my mind. So, here's some random facts:

1. I'm currently listening to Onehundredhours. Just two songs of theirs that are on a CD I got from Soul Survivor. I forgot that I actually really like their sound, and it's funny how listening to Tre sing brings flashes of his talks to mind. Though these songs remind me of Soul Survivor. More specifically their last gig. Mmm.

2. I was just looking at people's profile pages, thought about things, laughed, and said 'You know, sometimes I just give up'.

3. I just took a sip from my third cup of tea today, and you know, the stuff really makes me feel good.

4. Caring very deeply about something doesn't mean you have to be very good about it. Caring, and doing, is enough. More than that, it's amazing.

New Year's resolutions! I have three of them. I think I'll keep them up, I have done so in the past years, though I've never had more than just one. But hopefully I will, because I really want to. You know, maybe I won't tell you what they are after all. *suspense-disappointment-disinterest*

Ok, here's a twist. I propose a small "challenge": if you read this blog, comment. It doesn't matter what you say, that's not important. Just comment. And if you don't, well then no one will know, except you. Only you will know that really, when you get down to it, you're just not that much fun.

Out.

A blog in Time

2009-12-04T10:08:00.003+01:00

Counting down the last few hours with the mo'. Can't say I'm going to miss it, but it feels like I've had it for ages and I think almost everyone's gotten used to it now. Enough of the lip hair.

I'm currently sitting in the chaplaincy office with Zoe and Mina. Winston and Andrew are selling doughnuts for some charitable cause. I already bought one earlier. I'm not going to buy another one. They tried to flog me one. I resisted. Woo.

And Mykel steps in. He's looking for the key for room 101. Mina and Zoe are eating doughnuts. Now I want one. Damn.

Christmas carols are playing on Vev's laptop and I can't begin to convey the tangible joy this gives me. I want to walk around some brightly-lit street/shopping mall with decorations and lame old christmas songs blaring out of randomly placed speakers, watching everyone go by wrapped up cause it's cold and raining out. This is what Christmas is all about. Well, not really, but it's a part of it, and to be honest probably the part I enjoy the most. There are other things, like waking up christmas morning and then going to meet your family. Then things like the Vigil and the great prayer that goes into it. When you look at it spiritually I find it to be really refreshing in a way. But those (important) things aside, it's this one little prelude to all that that I think I treasure the most.

Myke's making me tea. That's Christmas spirit for you. Wow Vev WANTS to make me tea. This is brilliant. I think I might just have another.

Out.

One Thankful Zombie

2009-11-27T15:07:00.003+01:00

I need to shave. I really need to shave. Last week with the moustache, thankfully. If you've been meaning to donate money for the kids, now's your last chance to do it.

Just finished my exams this morning. It's good and done and I will speak no more of it. They're over. I'm free till January like normal people. Yay.

I've been having trouble sleeping recently. I go to bed at a normal (sane) time, lie down, turn off the lights, close my eyes. And then.... nothing. I don't fall asleep. As annoying as these random bouts of insomnia can be on normal days, this week they've coincided with the days I've had my exams. Currently I'm running on 3 hours of sleep. Lovely.

In other news, in an hour I leave for this year's Youth weekend. I'm really looking forward to it and I have a feeling God's going to show up in a big way. I'm so thankful for that, I think we all need to reconnect with Him at some level. Let's help Him change the world :)

Out.

Trains

2009-11-24T10:06:00.005+01:00

New things are nice and beautiful, but it's always good to remember who we are.

I was going to talk about the things going on. About how my dad got me this big guitar pedal as an early christmas present and how playing it made me feel 8 years old again. About how I'm going up to London for the first time this March with a bunch of friends and I'm really looking forward to it (even if I have no idea how I'm going to scrounge up the money for it). About how I've got an exam tomorrow, but that's ok.

But you know what, I don't want to. Cause as I sit and type this and listen to the music I've just put on, I don't want to. I don't want to talk about myself, about my little world. I want to talk about something else. Something bigger than me. Even if it's just about someone else's little world. That's still worth it. Cause in the end, it's not about us. It's all only worth it, only beautiful, when it's not about us.

Out.

Eskimo

2009-11-09T20:55:00.000+01:00

Out.

On feeling inadequate

2009-11-02T20:36:00.002+01:00

I'm not quite broken, but there's a crack. It's like being lost at sea.

Out.

Moment

2009-11-01T15:42:00.002+01:00

I remember my thoughts
distant and clear;
Of what was to be,
come and past and left behind.
So too wil be
my thoughts and futures,
come and past and left behind.

For what is a day,
a rising and a setting;
A break between
slumber and wake.
Fleeting moments,
unremarkable and gone,
sitting between slumber and wake.

But you are different,
constant and faithful.
In the moment you are.
Always, you are.

Out.

Ps. Movember starts today :D

I so liked Spring

2009-10-28T18:25:00.002+01:00

"I so liked Spring last year
Because you were here;-
The thrushes too-
Because it was these you so liked to hear-
I so liked you.

This year's a different thing,-
I'll not think of you.
But I'll like Spring because it is simply Spring
As the thrushes do."

Charlotte Mew

Out.

On Time Spent at the Library

2009-10-12T18:20:00.003+02:00

*click, clack... Click, clack clack*

*'How are you on Tuesdays?' 'Tuesdays and Wednesdays forget it I'm full all day' 'Illallu my time table really sucks, we're never going to be able to....'*

*Shift position in chair*

*thud thud thud thud Thud Thud THUD Thud Thud thud thud thud*

*Check the time*

*Huff*

*Leaf through pages. Go back to current page*

*'Hahaha!' *sniff* *

*Amusing ring tone*

*Check phone for messages*

*Shift position in chair*

Out.

Reason

2009-09-19T17:21:00.003+02:00

It's 17:21. Outside the sky is grey. I think it might be raining, but then it might have stopped by now. My dad's sleeping on the sofa while the football's on TV. I'm sat here writing this, drinking my bottle of water and cracking my joints periodically. The weather always does this to me, at least when it's this humid. Nothing comes without a catch I suppose. I feel like sleeping, but I'm not tired and there are things I want to do. It is beautiful though. No rose comes without thorns.

People. The more time I spend with them, the more I realise the paradox that is this simple fact - we're all so different, but we're all the same. A lot of the things we do so often go unnoticed. The things we think. The things we feel. These things that we never say to anyone or ever act on. Or maybe sometimes we do, but nothing comes of it. The things we want to do but we're held back. We get tired. Tired of other people. Tired of ourselves. We get lost. And in our loss, we become a lost cause.

My cause is lost. That's why I need Jesus. Why I need Him to be my cause. Why everyone else becomes my cause. He changes everything.

Out.

Art. Hardbound.

2009-09-08T10:43:00.003+02:00

It's been over a month since my last post. My apologies (though I'm unsure how many people could be bothered to notice, being summer and all... Yes? No?).

This morning it's cool and cloudy. I'm loving it. Starting to feel a lot like september does - cloudy, possibly rainy, and most importantly, cool. It's strange how in my mind I associate September with the notion of new beginnings and a new year more than I do for Spring. I know a lot of people share this, the school system being as it is. Point being September gets me excited for a new year. New possibilities. Time to do things well this year. The fresh air after the first rain. Jackets. Tea. Christmas.

The Handmaid's Tale - one weird book. That said, having almost finished it, I've gotten to enjoy it. Yes, this means I am actually going to sit for English A level this year. Also, I'm starting to be attracted to classical literature. This has never happened before, and something tells me that a few pages into most classical literature and I'll just give up and plonk it back down. But then again every time I walk into a bookshop (the way they re-designed agenda at Uni with the awesome classics section... Simon you know what I mean) I find myself desperate for smart card to come in so I can pick up volumes on Dante and Keates and those little green penguin classics that cost just 2 euros (well ok, I think I'd prefer the nicer looking covers, but still, they're there). I think that my love of literature has another philia superimposed on it - the love of books (bibliophilia :D). Just the way they look, they smell, they sit there on the shelves. Knowing that they contain some beautiful expression of the human experience, even if I myself don't appreciate it as much as another would. You don't need to be an artist to know when a work is a masterpiece. You don't have to be a musician to be moved by a piece. (I'm not sure if the latter really applies... technically. Hmm.). My reading list at the moment goes well into 2011. It's scary. And I'm building up more backlog as it is - decided I want to read most of Paulo Coelho and C.S. Lewis (except for the narnia stuff) when I can get down to it.

Something else that I've pondered is the different types of readers that there are. Well, types. Look at it in the way of the different qualities that readers portray. For example, Achie's blog had (has?) a quote (quote?) written on the top about how readers are stalkers by nature, being interested in the character's most personal details, be they fictional or not. Myself, I'm more the escapist. Reading propels you into a world where you have the privilage of knowing the thoughts and actions of characters on both sides, seeing the qualities of what makes us us portrayed, and working the wondrous tool that is our imagination. Reading lets me get away from it all, even if I'm still sitting in the midst of it all. What type are you?

Out.

Soul Survivor

2009-08-11T23:35:00.003+02:00

It's 23:36, I have to wake up at 05:00 to get ready and make sure I have everything and be at the airport by 06:30. Most people are either going to sleep or trying to finish packing. I'm packed. I think I've forgotten something though. Don't know what it is (obviously), it's just that feeling. I need to go pray soon before I try and sleep. I hope I manage to sleep. I'm really, really excited. Really.

Out.

Extra dimensions... in my pants

2009-08-06T18:54:00.003+02:00

Presently I sit here with my nice cuppa tea underneath the AC at my dad's after having just returned from exiles with lanf, krissie and zoe. It's been an uneventful day, but in a nice kind of way. Woke up to the builders next door banging on the other side of my bedroom wall. One glass of juice and a teeth brushing later and I'm out of the door on the way to my dad's to catch up with some PS3 time. I borrowed Resident Evil 5 from mike and spent a good 2 hours on it. It surprises me how much I'm no longer able to play games for hours on end like I used to. I just get bugged after a bit. Guess I'm growing out of it. I actually felt a bit bad for having bought a PS3 cause I hardly use the thing, I've only got like 5 games after almost 2 years... ajma.

Tomorrow my bookcase arrives and I'm really pleased about that. It's actually a kind of shelving unit for a cafe, but basically it's exactly the same as the actual bookcases in the range only it's a bit bigger and it's got mirrors in the back boards of the top two shelves. I know I'm ranting on about a bookcase but I kind of like the idea of having cafe furniture in my bedroom. I might have slyed my way into getting a modern double bed too, but we'll have to see about that XD

Been back from the north for less than a week but it feels like more than that, already adjusted to life back home again. Something about the string theory being a candidate for the theory on Everything just came up on national geographic. Num num.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 5

2009-07-30T13:05:00.002+02:00

So here we are, the final entry in the big Germanic adventure. As I sit here it seems to have flown by, it's weird how much you can get used to a place in a month. But a month has indeed passed and now it's time to head back to the rock. Tomorrow I pack my bag and head out. Time here was great, but it's always a great feeling to head back home.

Learnt a lot over these past weeks, aside from the medical stuff. For one thing I got a little taste of what it means to live 'alone'. I realised how much i need to spend time alone now and then, just appreciating your own space and having the time to sit back and think about things. Even doing simple chores around the place can have a kind of meditative effect, I've really grown to love it. Most of all, being away gave me a little perspective on my relationships, just how much my friends and family mean to me. Well that and being able to order a subway sandwich without saying 'uhhh' every other second. Subway rules by the way. But yeah, I'm tired of the German now. It was nice before, now I just want people to know what the heck I'm trying to say XD

Anyhow, tonight we go out and party for the last time with the friends we've made here, and have my last few rounds of the awesomeness that is German beer. I swear, I don't think I can go back to cisk now... Tomorrow, trains and planes XD

Oh and lets not forget, 12 days to Soul Survivor... oooooo baby....

Out.

An Itinerary: part 4

2009-07-24T17:18:00.002+02:00

I sit on the floor of Mike's flat while 'With everything" plays in the background. Weather's currently quiet, and as usual everything's quiet. Well, with the exception of the occassional raven cawing on top of the window. They seem to be Germany's substitute for cats. Spent the last couple of hours after lunch watching band of brothers since going down to Konstanz wasn't worth it as we've got work at 7:30... ah work...

Night shifts. It's a little weird waking up around 11 o clock in the morning, lazying around for most of the day and then going IN for work at 7 30 at night. We've got our last one this evening, I might actually kind of miss them, I think only cause Chris lets us off at around 2am since things get a little slow at that point. The hospital's really quiet, and work depends on how many patients come in. Last night was amusing to say the least, had one delirious patient in who kept talking to himself very loudly in German and kept getting up and wandering around the emergency department. Then spent a good 2 hours waiting for Chris to try and convince an old lady to stay in hospital cause she had a serious condition. She wasn't listening much, which is weird after she came in by herself. Eh, patients...

Lanf and Annie came over from last Thursday to Monday. Man I laughed so much. I've already forgotten just what it's like when you put a lot of Maltese people together in one place. Went to Zurich on saturday and that was awesome, it was really cold and raining and in my opinion only made the city look so much cooler. Went to an art gallery and got to see some Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet and a host of other ones I've never hear of. Funnily enough I enjoy looking at the modern art more than the work of antiquity. I can't say why, it just stands out more. Oh and I got my fill of starbucks, gotta love them cinnamon rolls XD

So today week we'll be back, I'm looking forward to it to be honest. The trip's been good fun but at this point we've done and seen everything there is to see and do. Just a weekend and a week left of work. Oh and we learned how to operate a washing machine.I'm semi-independant now, I just need to figure out how to iron...

Out.

An Itinerary: part 3

2009-07-13T19:26:00.002+02:00

Sorry for the relative lack of updates, been busy doing not much at all to be honest. Here come ze bullets...

> Krissie's here :) She arrived yesterday after a crazy 10 hour train ride which had 5 connections. I admire her bravery, I'd definately be lost in Poland right now if i were in her place. We spent the day down in Konstanz yesterday, didn't do much except go from lunch to coffee to mass and then back to the apartment to watch a dvd. It's kind of cool now cause we know where all the really good cafe's and coffee shops are. And the coffee shops are amazing - the atmosphere, the food, everything. Really wish we had places like these back home. Mass was in German again, but this time they had a 5 piece choir which was amazing. I mean it. It was like something from the soundtrack of Gladiator or Kingdom of Heaven. Absolutely brilliant XD

> Haven't been doing much since chris is away except going round to eat at different places and browsing the shops. I've bought three jackets in 2 days XD I know it's a bit excessive, but i have a thing for jackets. The weather's been crazy. It rained practically all day yesterday and today it was pretty hot and sunny. I got to wear shorts (havent done that since the day we arrived). Got work this week from wednesday to friday. Lanf and Analise come up on thursday, looking forward to that XD Shame kris leaves us tomorrow to go be with her mom and sis. X'taghmel :P

Not much else to say, sorry for the lack of emails to those who have been sending me. I'll try reply at some point :) Been spending a lot of time reading my book. The good thing about being here is that i get to have a good deal of time alone should i choose to. That said i spend most of the time out or with mike but as for quiet times, just sitting in me really comfy chair reading, or really just thinking about things, it's great.

And i want to have sloping ceilings back home, they're the shizzle.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 2

2009-07-05T12:42:00.002+02:00

Prima.

First off, internet connection here is hard to come by - no wifi (or land lines for that matter) in our apartments. We should be able to use the computers at hospital now and again once we start work on monday. Mike might buy an internet key, issa naraw. Insomma, updates!

> Zurich. Now that's an airport. I don't know how we actually managed to get into Singen, buying train tickets when you don't know exactly where you're going is hard, and catching trains while lugging around 30Kgs is... tiring :) Somehow we made it.

> German trains, Mike keeps being amazed at how precise they are with the times, it really is quite amazing.

> Spent the last two days going around and buying food, drinking beer (german beer, nuff said) and doing a buttload of walking. We've both got blisters. I think I'm going to come back with calf muscles the size of an actual calf. Oh and we're right on the border of switzerland so the chocolate... yeah...

> Slept over at fonsu's last night after an evening of family guy (oh the death of my brain cells) and lots of time splitters on the wii. Yup, still nerds. Very nice place though and it's really quiet.

>Mass in german. The longest Our Father. Ever.

Somms, I'm off cause the other two are getting impatient. We're off to go see some island on the lake or something and grab some lunch. Will try uploading some videos or something if connection and time permit.

Oh and I've discovered I hate making small talk. Really do.

Out.

An Itinerary: part 1

2009-07-03T09:40:00.002+02:00

It is currently 9:41 and while "slow dancing in a burning room" plays on youtube for the lostcount-eenth time, I check last minute internet things before I go off to take things out of my suitcase, walk around a lot and then put them back in, all the while mumbling about how I'm definately not going to have enough stuff. I just learned apparantly it's hot there and that I should take a beach towel... my suitcase needs an extension... preferably one bigger than the suitcase itself...

I have also just learned that there's no internet in our rooms... to quote chris, "can't you guys go 4 weeks without porn?". Yes, this is the person who'll be overseeing us over the next 4 weeks. Quite. XD Somms, cause of this I don't know how often the blogging/emailing is going to occur, I have no real idea what the area we're staying in is going to be like - it could be a quiant little town area or practically the middle of nowhere. In any case, I hope I'll be able to find access either in the hospital itself or maybe in some cafe nearby.

Mike and I have decided we should randomly just go on a european adventure, just not turn up for wards and leave a not saying "gone to Italy, be back soon". That said I don't know if we're even going to find our way out of Zurich. Neither of us have ever gone abroad alone before and we have to catch about 3 train connections before the day is ended. And everything's in German. I'll take videos, promise XD

Out.

Packing

2009-07-02T11:32:00.002+02:00

Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
And everybody bleeds this way
Just the same

Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away
I will stay

Out.

In Waves

2009-06-21T12:19:00.003+02:00

It starts with the gentle plucking, a regular melody that catches your ear and leaves you wanting. The voice appears and ushers in an identity and a meaning, a notion of an experience.
Then the keys fill out the lower ends just as the chorus rolls in and the depth appears just as you catch a glimpse of the soul, the fleeting outskirts of the emotion.
The rhythm sets down as the beat kicks in, the sharp contrast and vibrance of the second verse pulling you down from the pause of the refrain. Now your foot starts tapping and you start to sway. Now the words start to speak to you.
The high end notes gently dropped off just before you're lifted into the chorus again, the words melting into one another, filling your head and rolling out of your own mouth as they become yours. The guitar building and building on the base. Your need to move something from within moving in parallel with it. Just as the words merge the music sprouts alone, breaking for a moment from the lyrics, setting the pace, setting apart.
And then lifts the bridge, the words gently laying down the soul of the song, the meaning of the emotion, a gentle change in the melody line, a song that becomes a voice. An emotion that becomes a moment.
As it rounds back into the chorus for a final time, everything slowly slips over one another and fades ever so gently, until there is nothing left but silence and the memory of a moment.

Out.

New horizons

2009-06-17T08:13:00.005+02:00

Freedom is HERE!!

After weeks of cramming and room 101-ing, summer is finally here. And in typical summer style, except for sleeping, I think i've been home for a total of about 3 hours in the past 2 days XD

This week is near-to-insanely busy... exiles, meetings, intercession, jamming, party, posters to design, masses to animate... arr arr! It's a good kind of busy though, always better than having nothing to do.

It's currently 8:17 am (at the point of writing this, obviously) and I'm sat here with "Freedom is here" playing rather loudly and thinking about how I'm going to restring my PRS without the aid of a tuner... not sure how that's going to get done so I'm probably going to have to ask mike if I can use his at our jam session today (my current strings are just way too rusted to be played).

Not to parallel Ache's post, but I bought new shoes yesterday (along with a pair of jeans and a top - gotta love diesel warehouse sales). They're converse high-top style Levi's. And they're red. Kris, you would be proud XD

I'm starting to get rather excited about all the things that are going on/are going to go on this summer. Besides the two trips abroad (I'm trying to sort out a way to vlog the germany adventure, we'll see about it though..) there's a lot of playing to be done with a lot of different people, that's gonna be awesome. There's the stuff we've got planned for Youthful Worship. Lately it had just become a bit of a burden, but now with the weight of Uni temporarily subsiding, we can focus on it again. Now I'm eager to go all out for God again, and just go, do, give, see, hear, and be.

Speaking of which, I need to strive further to running this race to which we have been called. Ever felt like at some point in your relationship you slipped back ever so slightly cause of everything else going on and always meant to go back, go deeper, look beyond, but then got caught up? And then got complacent? And then got comfortable? Ever made a promise to change the way you're living and give more of yourself for others, even total strangers, and then things just went back to the way they were? This summer I want to awake again. I want to encounter God again. I want to help those I have the grace to help, and be there for the ones I can't. I want to mean what I sing when I go down to our meetings. I want to be broken. I want to surrender. I want to tear down the walls.

But all I can do is talk, which alone are empty words.

Lord, break us. Bring us to our knees. Break the foundations of our comfortable world. Change this heart, this mind, this soul. Make these hands and feet Yours, and take whatever we have, whatever You've given us, and use it for your Kingdom. Cause it's You that's saving the world. You save. You heal. You teach. You lead. You change. We speak, but our words are empty. But your words are life. You do. Tear down these walls, O God.

Out.

Smells like vintage

2009-06-11T10:24:00.003+02:00

Moses supposes his toeses are roses but khalilah knows just how to cook the meat. I'll forever think of both those songs now whenever 101 is mentioned XD

One exam left to go. How terribly exciting. It actually really isn't... ever since half of everyone started their holidays a little over a week ago I basically started it with them... which probably isn't for the best... pathology paper yesterday is proof of that. You know how there are people who always come out of an exam and say things like "illallu i got this section all wrong" or "uff i think i failed for sure" and all this and then they get 80's and over. There are people in my course are like that. I used to be like that. Thing is, I'm not anymore. These days I come out of an exam and if someone asks me how I went my very honest answer is "I have absolutely no frackin idea". It's kind of surreal really (albeit in a very nerdy way) :) Still, it's fun seeing people's bemusement when you turn up for exams with a tan and in swimming trunks and a big smile on your face XD

Sommies, the last week has been rather fun. Went to the beach on friday with Lanf and we both got really sunburnt. Because of this i've developed a very close relationship with my new spray sunblock. Yesterday, ahhh exiless. Playing werewolf for half the day was rather fun... and Elaine I'm sorry I sacrficed us, morals were too strong... my heart will go on, promise :P

Watched Nick and Nora's infinite playlist at mike's house with krissie in between the afternoon and evening beach sessions yesterday. It was a strange yet enjoyable film. What I really liked about it is that it was, for the most part, realistic. There's no suave talk or perfectly timed co-incidences, but rather an abundance of awkward silences, lame jokes, and people constantly having to use their mobile phones to find where other people are. This doesn't make the film as picturesque as most others, but it made it much more realistic in my opinion, and I liked that. Never mind that I think most of my friends and I fit into the sub-culture type portrayed there... and the film's centered around the music scene... and there's a scene in a recording studio... and a vintage fender... XD

Roll on Summer

2009-06-04T09:01:00.002+02:00

> Pharma was... not nice. I never like going to exams with only last minute preparation. Might have passed, might not have.

> My Jack Johnson cd's finally arrived, and thanks to Krissie I've now got All Across The Earth too (which is amazing). I'm so oversaturated with new music, it's budaful XD

> Been at chap almost all day all week. Internet getting rather neglected.. summer routine starting i spose :)

> I bought a phone yesterday. I just got fed up with my old one. She served me well for 3 years, and still was doing so yesterday insomma (except for when i tried to write a message and twice it cancelled it instead of inserting a space). I was in the mood. Also apparantly Malcolm LOVES mobile shopping, he's somewhat of an expert. How could I refuse?

> Went to watch Terminator Salvation last night with Mike, Luca, Sara, Ache and Mina. The film was rather disappointing. Well I mean it's terminator, go figure. I think i built a hype around it cause of Christian Bale, no Arnie, no time travel, and the climax of the story. I actually think the filmography was really good (much better then the other ones anyway) but the plot was shallow. Not all that much happens and almost all that does is given away in the trailer. Shame.

> Medicine exam tomorrow. Meh. Got into that mid-exam period where you just really can't be bothered to study much anymore. Heq.

Out.

Those Brownies

2009-05-29T18:15:00.003+02:00

Bongu tfal.

!!SURGERY IS OVER!! *seizure time*

Quite happy with the paper, I think I passed XD Went round to room 101 and spent a good couple of hours chilling on the bean bags with the usual crowd. Good times, good times :)

Tonight I start the grande crusade of pharmacology. The exam's on monday, I don't know what exactly the paper format is, what notes I have or don't have, or really what they contain. Fun, fun. I'm quite relaxed about it though, will be fine I'm sure. So I'll be in almost all weekend, will probably go out for the pentecost thing tomorrow night unless I find I've really underestimated this exam.... naaaaaaahhh.... XD

As I was walking up the stairs when I arrived home today the light was a little dull, a sense of twilight if you will (don't go there :P), and everything was quiet. Just the sound of the tv in the background. It had that calming sense of stillness that i always associate with the gray light of dusk or dawn. It was just a moment, but a beautiful one. And now I've got this prolonged mood on me that I think will last all night. I hope so in any case, it's a wonderful feeling. It also crossed my mind about how happy I am in that my studies don't mean the world to me. For some people their course and their work is everything, their world, their life. If they had to fail it's like their world would end. I don't particularly want to fail, but even if I had to, life would move on. I still have the most wonderful friends ever, am part of a community that, despite all its faults and drama, I love, a great family, and most of all a great God. I mean really, God has been so good. No matter what happens, all I have or ever will have is more than I deserve or could ever ask for.

Out.

Like the Koran

2009-05-26T09:46:00.003+02:00

Time for an update methinks no?

saturday spent the day ending the chapter of chapters in surgery, buying shoes and a shirt for the wedding, and then a night by the beach with ze guitars. It was rather fun, though the night passed really quickly from my point. Everyone left by about 12 :S looking for repeat performances though, +/- guitars :)

sunday oh sunday. I can't believe that Joe and Ang are married. I got to know them both pretty well as soon as I entered community, which was 4 years ago now, and now they're married. MARRIED. wow. The mass was great and the reception, everything I would expect XD Had an awesome time indeed :) God bless them with many many little magginis, I really can't wait for that *insert ANOTHER smiley here!!* XD

monday i'm car-less again, and this time I don't know for how long. It's being kept at the service centre until the boffins either figure out what's wrong with it or give up. I managed to avoid catching a bus yesterday (thanks Gruber), something which I don't think I'm going to manage today... ajma, 101 as usual then insomma.

I'm having trouble keeping up with all the blogs, I logged on yesterday and almost the entire bloglist had updated. Spending most of my time outside with limited computer access so forgive me if I'm not up to date with all of you :P

I wanted to write a bit of an introspective piece about my recent attitude... though i'm not entirely in the mood so I doubt this'll come out very well imma insomma. Recently I've felt like I've been talking about myself a lot... blog post comments, comments in general, real life conversations... just been analysing my behaviour lately and seeing the number of times I reference "I" and "me", and I'm rather perturbed. It's natural for people to talk about themselves, especially around those they're closest to. You hardly even notice it then, and it's normally reciprocal. That said, I don't particularly like to talk about myself a lot unless prompted to. It makes me feel self-centered, which I really hope is not the case, cause I don't want to be that type of person... though i've given it some thought and I think what it really relates to is God. Recently I've been preoccupied with all the things happening around me that I've neglected my prayer time, my relationship with the creator. And, ever so slowly, I think I'm starting to put Him back into that little box I had let Him out of four years ago. As there's less of God in my life, everything becomes about me, what I want and think and am. I know where that road leads, and it's barren. A life worth living is never lived for oneself. It's time the box got thrown out.

Out.

1:24 am

2009-05-23T01:23:00.002+02:00

I've been reading about the general complications of surgery since 8:30... well, factor in facebook, twitter (i did tweet a lot), and my research on the original 60's star trek, the fifth element, final fantasy: the spirits within and some other one from 98' about robin williams dying and going to heaven but leaving it to go look for his wife in hell that i can't remember the name of... don't know how i remembered about that one, i was really little when i saw it.... google 'robin williams heaven' if you're curious (it's how i found it).

It's been really quiet all night, mostly cause i decided to not put on my itunes. Really quiet. Hekk.

William Shatner in the 60's! The dude was THIN!! well, ish. For shatner it's thin. He doesn't look all that different from Pine to be honest, the hair's the major thing. And well, the sixtiesness... The new generation stuff looks shite though.

I've been beaten, I'll do the summary tomorrow morning. I don't do this late night crap.

Out.

Falling

2009-05-18T21:46:00.002+02:00

I sat down to do my quiet time this evening and this song just came out. I'm not sure why I wrote it and it definately has parallel meanings, one of which is a requiem. It's called Falling...

As the last breath is drawn
Shadows flee at Your call
Time is here, here and now
And Your voice is sweeter still

Draw me closer now
I'm falling deeper now

Your grace has carried me so far
These feet have walked, burned and scarred
Awake, O my soul
It's time to follow

Let the waters flow
Wash me in Your love

Let the waters flow
Wash me in Your love
Draw me closer now
I'm falling deeper now
I'm falling

Out.

Cheesy Crust Pony

2009-05-17T17:45:00.003+02:00

I need to learn to stop putting dvd's in my cd drive...

Just got back home from Sunday lunch at the Pitch with the family and need to get down to some work soon. I'm in a really good/hyper mood, though it's subsiding now which has enabled me to actually write this... random events of the weekend, in reverse order:

> Lanf, you kill me. Videos of self studying, grandmasters and napolean, the absence of sweat glands and nye house parties. I could never love you more XD

> I heard mass at the pitch this morning and Fr Mike was celebrating it! And, just because that's the embarassing type of person he is, he gave me a shout out during the homily. Awesome.

> Last night. Oh man. Simon and Lanf basically summed up everything I could want to say about the night. Ivan, I could adopt you. More as a pet than a child though :P

> The praise session at y4j was great, I've long felt the need to strip away the accessories too. Funnily enough I always find that I'm most touched in praise and worship when there's just a few people and we can really focus on God. In fact I think personally nothing really compares to the praise i have with God alone at home. Maybe it's cause i know i don't have to focus on anything else and can just rest in Him... but really I suspect it's not of our making but just a question of how open we are and about when He chooses to move something within us... this usually involves me crying a lot... without the involvement of ice age, can you believe it? (if you didn't get this last bit, don't worry, you're normal... or well... i won't get into the arguement of what is normal...).

> Community on friday was the usual shindig, though I got into the worship more than I usually do... I have to lead next week *gulp*... we went to burger king afterwards, and, i will note, i saw the guy reach into a microwave, pull out a burger, and put it onto my tray. I say no more. Please can we not go to these places anymore? Please.

I have to take my car in for a service tomorrow morning. Poor Naomi's got something wrong with her exhaust and she's basically going into lapses of lifelessness despite me flooring it. Off to spend the day at Uni after that, finding I study more there than at home, and at least I get to be outside. Much much love.

Also, um, last note. This summer i'm going to have to make a big decision about what I'm going to do with my life. Details will follow eventually, but not for now. Prayers are very much appreciated :)

Out.

The urge to let the world know about nothing in particular

2009-05-14T22:03:00.002+02:00

Big men with big drills outside my bedroom window at 7am. Good morning.

Today was kind of uneventful. I crawled out of bed and after doing the everyday things at home set off to university to spend some hours in the library. After spending a good two hours trying to learn some surgery I headed off to meet Dan and have a snack at Hugo's. He informed me that apparantly it's going to rain on saturday (it's his birthday on saturday, everyone remember to tell him he's not really getting that old). Anyways, I then headed off to DMM to carry on with ze studies (which wasn't as successful as the first round) in the company of Veronica, Malcolm, Jes, Mina, Daniela etc etc etc. Also the archbishop popped up, that was nice. XD

After that Simon came down and we went round to Lanf's Siggiewi house to have some time of intercession for the current and future university students. It was strange cause it's the first time that we (the marana tha group and the y4j group) have actively done something together, be it as small as it was. That said it was pretty great, I can't wait for doors to open and hands to move :)

Highlights of the week:

> I love agenda booksales. I got a total of six books over the week, including Einstein's theory of relativity (did I mention this in the last blog? I can't remember... *shrug*) and part of La Divina Commedia (I thought i had got all of it but upon further inspection it was only the bit on purgatory). I doubt I'll actually ever read those two in particular, but I think they're just things that one should own. You know, in general. I really, really, really want a bookcase.

> I joined twitter this week *moment of shame*. I always join social networking sites when I end up being bored and having someone near me to tell me to do it. With facebook it was my dad. With twitter it was Simon. Also note that twitter is refusing to work tonight and this is upsetting me. *more shame* But now I know what Tony Hawk is up to XD

> Thanks to Krissie for sending me the entire John Mayer album, and thanks to Achie for sending it to her. I tried listening to it on my iPods (i figured out why all my songs got removed the other day, it's what happens when you're synching your 'recently added' songs) while studying. It kind of worked out.

First exam next week... oh boy...

Out.

A night at the residence of Lady Loz

2009-05-11T22:02:00.002+02:00

So so so so sooooo!!

Yesterday I went out for mother's day lunch with my mom and my grandparents, and returned home to get down to some much needed studying... which turned into repeated bouts of falling asleep in my reading chair... and evolved into going round to pick up simon to go to Laura's house for a dvd and some laughs. I will say this, I had a really, really good time. XD

Laura's apartment looks pretty much like any other single bedroom uni student-esque apartment I've seen, yet further probing revealed little bits of lay loz's personality which I found to be rather awesome and which I shall now share with you for you should appreciate the awesomeness of laura.

First off, the computer. A G4 macbook pro. Need I say more? Not just that but the top screen bit is customized with what I can only describe as parquee flooring for laptops. XD

Item number two: her mousepad is the rosetta stone. It didn't impress me when Simon pointed it out but then I actually saw it and well, it's the fracking rosetta stone!! Apparantly loz is somewhat of an egyptology enthusiast. Culture: check.

Item number three: the dvd collection. Bear in mind this is a single mid twenties girl we're talking about, so there are certain things you expect, such as 27 dresses, 27 dresses 2, mamma mia and several other musicals. What I didn't expect was all the Indiana Jones dvds, the original three Star Wars movies (episodes four through six), the Matrix trilogy and the Fifth Element. The Fifth Element!! I say no more.

The smithsonian choir was a good laugh, along with who knows how many things we got out of watching that. We really should make a proper spoof of the thing. I then subjected laura to brotherhood 2.0 and all things nerdfighteria. It is now only a matter of time XD

Having a bit of a John Mayer fest tonight. Man, it's just one of those times when I don't want to ask God for anything, but just thank Him for all that He's given.

Out.

A crossing

2009-05-08T10:01:00.003+02:00

Tell me where to go and I'll go.
Tell me what to do and give me the grace, and I'll do it.
Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll speak.
Show me where I should move and that's where I'll go.
That's where I want to be.

I wonder what you're thinking, if your thoughts are like mine.
I hear the words you're speaking, but they don't match the look in your eyes.
They're not the words I want to hear.
But neither are mine.
Tell me what you want me to speak, and I'll speak.
Tell me what's there in front of you, and I'll echo it back.
It's not the beginning, or the end, it's just a page in a book and a note in a symphony.
But if you want it to be there, it will be.

Where do you want me to go?
Where do you want me to be?
Is it where I'm going?
If it isn't, would you guide me?
If it is, would you tell me?
I think it is.

Chaos and Relativity

2009-05-06T13:26:00.003+02:00

Updates 3 days in a row... wonders never cease...

Made a few changes to the layout, hope everyone likes. I do, even though it's a tad busy. I kind of like the business actually XD

This isn't a real blog. Just want to point out 2 things:

1) Re the vlog. I know guys, I'm sorry, I just really felt like. I don't know if there'll be more of them, if there are I'm not gonna post them up here. You'll have to check out the youtube channel XD

2) I came across this today. I am utterly butterly in love:

Out.

I know, I know...

2009-05-05T15:06:00.003+02:00

I know that I blogged yesterday and blogging everyday is not something that I (or most people) do but I had a couple of things that I wanted to share and I found myself with the time to share them so the sharing has begun. It prompted me to this:

I've also discovered John's blog today. The obsession I'm developing to the following of John Green and the subsequent imitation is something that I have indeed noticed and is probably a cause for concern. This could get several balls rolling. To several degrees. I'm on your screenz, spamming your brainz.

Out.

Roots

2009-05-04T15:43:00.002+02:00

> I just filled in a couple of facebook quizzes, just cause you know, they're there, one of which told me I'm Cyrus the Great. I didn't know who Cyrus is, so I wiki'd him: "the founder of the Persian Empire under the Achaemenid dynasty, which was an empire without precedent— a world-empire of major historical importance". Of course I'm not actually Cyrus the great, but eastern history is so cool XD

> Was contemplating life in a global manner the other night and realised that pretty much no matter what happens (or well, as far as i can foresee with the limited amount of sight that I have) the life I'm leading (and safe to say most of my friends, meaning you guys, are leading) is really awesome and nothing can really change that. I mean sure, things come and go that stress us out or put us down occassionally, but they come and they go. Overall everything is really so great and we're all so very blessed. Just making the observation really...

> Was listening to this song today while taking a break from trying to study:

Made me happy that summer's on it's way again, but more so than that, it reminded me of the times I've been through with people I've known and basically everything that's helped make me who I am over the years. I don't know why it did this, considering I only heard the song for the first time about a year ago... nonetheless I've now got this urge to go back to my roots and rediscover those things that are personal to me and my experience of life. I don't really know what brought this on, maybe a sense of feeling lost in myself lately... summat like that... more reflections and all things pensive to follow...maybe.

Out.

How many rings, Dante?

2009-04-28T17:42:00.005+02:00

I'm taking a short break in between studies and I've got nothing to do so here's a couple of randomers:

1. It's a fantastic day outside! The weather was gnarly yesterday but the sun's out and it's all quiet... funnily enough I don't have the urge to be outside, content to sit in my reading chair and study (mostly cause everyone's hermitising now).

2. I have a reading chair now. And a lamp. XD

3. I need to organise my books. When I say I need to, I don't really but I want to. They're situated all over the house and I want to gather them in one central bookshelf in my room... though I'm lacking a bookshelf and place to put one...

4. Yesterday I got fed up of studying and went into another "I-don't-want-to-do-this-buttkiss-anymore"... also I was very worried that I am in no way going to be able to pass my exams. Today I'm peachy though XD

5. I did really badly in my mock clinical exam last saturday. Really badly. You know those times in life where you feel like a complete and utter brainless twat? One of those.

6. I have developed an addiction to watching John Green vlog. Originally I mocked ache for being a nerdfighter. Now I find I think I'm one myself. Awesome.

7. I refuse to join twitter. Just because.

8. Firefox has this new skins thing (I've already forgotten what it's actually called) that I find very amusing. My browser menu now has 4 random animals (including a unicorn) playing an arcade game in the background.

9. I think I've successfully uploaded all the music I have that I will ever conceivably listen to onto my ipod... it's about 2G worth... out of 120G... Also I've developed the sickest addiction to podcasts. Ever.

10. Lookie at this pretty picture I drew for Claire

It's for the cover of this year's edition of Murmur (annual medical student magazine). I admit it's a little half-arsed, which is something I never like doing, but I'd end up spending all day on photoshop to get something I'm happy with. Still, there it be.

Out.

I will grant you that they're a little bit needy

2009-04-24T12:33:00.003+02:00

First off, glad to see how much attention the vlog (i'll concede that yes it is technically a vlog) has generated... most of the comments confirming my suspicions that we're still the same 17-year-old geeky little idiots on the inside... XD

So yesterday my parents got back from Israel, the ten days of me and sim being scarily similar to a married couple are over, and life goes back to normal. Me moms got me an ipod as an early birthday present. 120G classic, it's epicly vast, and i agree with mike who thinks i'll never actually fill it, which is basically why i wanted a big one.

This weekend we've got the FBGMFI (actually learnt what it is!!) conference weekend at the Topaz in Bugibba. I'm only going up tonight and tomorrow for the worship sessions though cause i really need to try and study. I really, really do. I've promised myself I won't rant on about my studies like I used to in older blogs, so I'll keep it to a minimum... I've just lost the ability to study, it feels like my brain's stuck in second gear trying to sludge through toffee-r-us. I study for half an hour (staring for 10 min of that) then have to take a half hour break cause i'm already tiring... and after i'm done i can't actually pin-point anything i've learned... meh...

Mock clinical exam tomorrow... hurrrrrr... Though I've learned not to get caught up in all the tension, the sun will still rise, friends will still be there, God is still God and life will go on no matter what happens. I'm not the books I don't study. I'm not the exams I fail. I'm not the time wasted on facebook XD

Out.

Fly, you fools

2009-04-21T07:42:00.003+02:00

Was going through my files and stumbled upon this:

That was June 2005, almost four years ago. I find it scary how nerdy we both looked and sound. Just give to an idea of how things change, we thought we'd give an update:

April 2009, things have changed. Well, we hope so.

Out.

I really, really have to start studying properly...

2009-04-16T14:43:00.000+02:00

...really.

Out.

Stream

2009-04-11T11:25:00.003+02:00

I woke up this morning, not knowing why, or when, or how. I opened my eyes and I felt and I knew. The world is quiet. Quiet and still. Dim shades of light and shadows of all the hues of grey made up my world. This is the world I see everyday. Intricate patterns and shapes on the ceiling, the picture of a beach at twilight on the wall. I've looked at them again and again, they're always the same, but the answers I try to find in them seem to change. I seem to change. Days, months, years, they were all so well defined once, so limitless. Now as they merge themselves in memory the past seems to leak into the present and I can't tell one from the other even as I live it. And yet now none of them exist. Now is all there is. I should wake, I should get up and walk into the world, into routines and times and things to do and places to be. I should get up. But I don't. I lay here, in this dim glow, entertained by my thoughts of what is and what could be. I'm only humouring myself I know, I can't predict what will happen, why what has happened did, what you or I thought or felt. Only a memory and a perception. Or rather the memory of a perception. How incredibly far from the truth that can be. Still it's nice to wonder. To dream. To hope. I close my eyes.

Out.

Generation Worship

2009-04-06T15:55:00.002+02:00

The energy and expectation of what God is doing, the hope and the love. This is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm working for.

Last night. I want to thank everyone who was involved in setting up, everyone involved in the filming, everyone who came and gave their all, and God, the glory is Yours alone. It was so, so hectic. Since they were filming we needed to go on and on at the end, just when I think we should stop Pauline tells me to play another song. It was so tiring. Half way through things like tempo, keys, chords and lyrics ceased to exist. All there was was a semi-distorted sound blasting out of my monitor into my brain and if it sounded like it was together, then it was ok. I felt all over the place. Half the time I felt like I was probably singing off key. The rest of the time I couldn't hear my guitar. Most of the time I wasn't really conscious of what the other people where playing. It was chaos, but a beautiful kind of chaos. In that chaos I gave my all out to God. It probably wasn't the best anyone has seen or heard, I'm pretty sure it wasn't, but it was all we had, all I had, and I gave it all. And in that moment I knew that God was there.

Now I wait for the next moment, I live in love, in expectation, of what God is doing, of what work of His I can bless, of the next moment I can again give my all.

Out.

Ordinary Life

2009-04-05T14:07:00.001+02:00

Take me and invade me
Make me someone new
Wake me from the dead
And break me with the truth.

Out.

Spring!

2009-04-03T11:03:00.002+02:00

It's here! :D

I'm nerding out at periodicals in the library. I have no idea what periodicals are.

*Surgeon squints as his hands move further into the patient's abdomen*

*Surgeon pauses as a singular yet determined gush of blood starts to squirt out from somewhere inside the deep, dark cavity*

*Surgeon mumbles 'I really should have gone to that lecture...'*

Out.

While eating copius amounts of pasta

2009-03-31T12:22:00.002+02:00

It's Tuesday afternoon and the sun has reared it's face for the first time in 3 days I think. I am happy :D

Re a lot of the comments on my last blog: I AM NOT SAD! I AM A HAPPY PERSON! I read all the comments with everyone telling me to cheer up and that it'll be alright and I was like "why? what's wrong with me?" *shrug* I did a bit of ranting i'll admit but really I'm fine guys, no need to sound so concerned. Ajma :)

I mentioned the Spring affecting ze creative processes... got another song I'm working on, which I shall now share with you... it's called Reign...

I've got doubts runnin' through my mind
About the life I'm livin', like where is it all going
Started out with the best of intentions
But somehow my directions got lost in my translation
Along the way, Lord won't you please show me
The path that you've made for me, a better-ending story
Cause I want to be what you want for me
And what you want for me is so beyond me
So won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

I've got doubts and about a hundred questions
Philosophical reflections, human interpretations
Of this life and our day to day livin
The love I should be givin' I can't find it within'
Myself, and nobody's got the answers, it's like the blind leading
The blind leading the blind, won't you help me find my way
Back to you, Father true and merciful
I'm asking please won't you

Reign, and let Your Kingdom come

If you would come and take your place
In this heart of mine
In this heart of mine

Out.

We only have One Life

2009-03-29T11:10:00.004+02:00

Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And exhale. This is going to be a long post... and rather disjointed...

This morning has not been good. Last night I was in a bit of a mood, those you know me well enough noticed I think. I think it was the product of a band session which was a bit of a let down. I was really, really looking forward to it (especially after a weekend being relatively trapped in a hotel talking about hospital experiences and how I feel about the course and bla bla). I did kind of enjoy it, it was everything I expected it to be, and at the same time not. That hall really does not help, mike's never happy with his sound (cause of the reverb), I can never really hear anything well (cause of the reverb) and mig keeps forgetting what he has to play (because of the drugs :P). Add to that the absence of a bass player (Ian i know you're busy, we miss you), a pianist and a decent singer. eh. Anyways this left me feeling a bit, well disappointed. Wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just kind of detached all night. Kinda thing. So yes, this morning:
> I woke up from having that general feeling last night
> I had a friggin weird dream. I don't know what it involved exactly except that a lot of well you guys who read this were in it, and it involved a large white house, and I don't mean obamaism.
> Lost an hour of sleep.
> Wanted to wake up at 8 to get an early start on my assignments. Either my alarm didn't ring or i switched it off in my sleep. I woke up at 10 dazed and confused.
> The sky looks like someone vomited on it.
> No milk... which means no cereal.... which means no breakfast....
> I get an email informing me i have a mock exam in 2 weeks, and actual exams in 4.

Meh. Bear in mind I haven't shaved for about 2 weeks now so I look like darwin's evolution drawings, about 3 stages back, but then what's new.

Exams, exams, exams. They're getting really close now, and I have so, so, so, so, so much i have to cover. The fact that I've got things like youthful worship, the conference and the mime, worship team, giving my slum survivor witness on friday, possibly animating millenium chapel BJ's mass thingy, and who knows what else going on does not help. At all. Eh, the stress begins... well relative stress, I seem to not be able to get too stressed about exams these days, life is too short to get stressed. "Life is too short to have bad tone". Mike told me that yesterday, it's a quote from the Droff (Hillsong's premier guitarist). I'm getting into my guitarry nature again. I've spent a good couple of years heavily focused on acoustics and songwriting, and while that's not going to change, the electric is calling me back again. I spent a good amount of time geeking out about fenders and pedals and all things techie with Mike last night, was great (sorry Achie :P).

Anyway the stress crunch is here. I have to stay in all day to finish my family medicine and behavioural science assignments so maybe I can start studying from tomorrow. Behavioural seminar thing (the one i finished yesterday) actually wasn't all that bad this year. We had to watch Patch Adams (again) and ER (the george clooney days) and then reflect on issues mentioned and blar blar. Hurr hurr. I enjoyed it cause our tutor for the weekend was ok, and cause I got to relate to some people in my group who are having doubts about the course too. ^^ I got a cold from it all though *sniff*

I've noticed I've developed a coping mechanism for having lots of work to do which involves listening to copious amounts of a certain artist. Last year it was Jack Johnson *visualise beaches and flip flops*. This year it's looking like it's going to be JJ Heller (Thanks Achie :D). I've been listening to her on loop for the last few days and it's just worked it's way into my system, so much so that I've found myself randomly muttering lyrics to myself now and then. I love how songs can do that, they can become part of you and even though after a while you'll get tired of them and you'll move on to something else, there will always be that imprint of particular song or artist on you.

Speaking of songs, I've been writing quite a few of them. I think there's something about Spring, the weather, the hormones, the promise of new things and the hope of greater heights... Last year my creativity went into overdrive, I was writing songs upon songs, most of which I've forgotten, the good ones I've retained. And 2 of them made it into the recording we did which incidentally was this time last year too. I miss the studio. To be frank it was an immensely humbling experience. Only in the clarity of the studio can you see so vivdly how far you still have to go. That said, we learned so much from the experience (which is good cause i don't really like the final product of the songs we recorded). I've had a growing longing for the past couple of years to get into production, I've always loved it, seeing a song form and become real from basic odds and ends, become something beautiful and personal and living. I think my attraction to film stems from that too. I haven't had much time to write this year, both in terms of songs and poems (which I had promised myself I'd take up again but the few I had got down to doing were on my stolen macbook :'( ). Here's just a little fragment of something I'm working on, I hope I get down to writing it:

All I can do is wait for grace
All I can do is seek your face
In quiet be found
In stillness I wait

You laid down your life, You took my place
And all that I've known
Echoes this thing
This beautiful thing

But we are waiting for a greater glory to fall

The lenten talks have been great as regards inspiration. A big big congrats to everyone involved, it was brilliant! Personally it gave me a bit more of a drive, of connecting with a God who plans for things so great that our heads would just explode if we knew about them now. At one point during the adoration on Thursday I just picked up my phone and started typing out lyrics. It really was great :)

I probably had other things to talk about but I can't remember at this point in time. Love is.

Out.

The BiBlog Experiment

2009-03-24T10:51:00.006+01:00

Disclaimer: The following blog is in conjunction with Mr Xmun Callus, who's blog may be found here. Please refer to it in order to make a complete reading of that found here-under. You are about to get confused. Less than three.

As I type this I'm sitting in the communications lab which I have found is a refuge of all things mac on campus. It is rather glorious. §

Indeed. I've also decided that being Fr Mike's personal secretary is rather nice. AND we had sugar cubes! §

I agreed. Insomma, as you can imagine we're both skiving lectures, surprise surprise. Technically we're here to work on assignments. We'll get to that in a bit. §

Illallu, it was brilliant. The dance was fantastic, even though there was the sound mishap. It made me actually want to be involved in a dance like that.... And the worship was brilliant, kudos to Sam and the band ;) §

Yup, pretty much. I'm really looking forward to the rest of them :) Sim I really liked that shot you took of Sam's back by the way, very cool. §

(I've been checking Sim's spelling for those of you who know him well enough... I think that's all of you really... it should be decent this time :P) Something I realised from yesterday is just how long it's been since I sat with the congregation. I've been part of worship team for about 4 years now and not playing during worship is quite a strange sensation, it's like I don't know what to do with myself. Though then again it's nice to be able to just get lost in the worship instead of having to deal with technical problems and trying to think of what song should be played next and where the Spirit is leading us. §

Still though, I wouldn't trade worshipping through the music, it's become part of who I am. Simon has lectures on journalism and next year on photography.... I hate him. I hate you too Malcom, you smug b*****d. 2 years..... 2 more years.... if I pass my exams this year insomma... exams are really getting close and my brain has lost the ability to worry about these things... flip flops :) §

Yar, and you're pretty damn good at it ;) One of my biggest problems is that I like too many things - music, art and design, and now I'm really getting into film (though not in the same sense as Sim, more in terms of scripting, direction and storyboarding). You see my problem? I think it's because I like so many things that I never just concentrate on one and become very good at just that... which leaves me being diverse yet mediocre... §

VESPAS biznitch!! §

It's actually so much fun not knowing where you're headed in life. Who wants a schedule? After all this mayhem, I'm pretty sure I'm going to look back on it all and laugh. With a good few stories to tell. Life is for living after all. §

Ditto dude. Though you really should cut down, two sugars is more than enough. I'm not going to take care of you when you're 50 and diabetic. §

Right...... As Jack sends us drifting into the afternoon I think we should leave you here, confused and muttering to yourself. Oh, and one last thing... §

Out.

The Matrix has You

2009-03-22T14:00:00.003+01:00

Bonjour, le petit grenouille sur le tete de la vache qui tomber est frappe sur ton pantalon. Bien sur.

Pretty sure I got some of the grammar wrong there but it's been a while since o level french. Recap on the weekend shall we?

Friday: Led worship at community. I think it's the third time I've had to lead there and I'm still trying to find my footing, I'm not as comfortable there as at YouthfulWorship yet... then went off to the launch of Y4J band's new album :) By the time we got there they'd already finished, but socialising was fun and being us we ended up rolling wires with the team hehe it was actually fun to do cause we weren't obliged to. Been listening to the CD over the weekend, good work guys! I especially like the voices, some real good talent there. There's always more though, so keep at it! XD

Saturday: After the weekly saturday lunch with my dad went off to have a jam session with mig, mike and ian. Was really great to meet up, working on a couple of new songs too which i always love doing. We really need to find a new place to meet though, the reverb in that hall is ridiculous... after that went over to the st julians church and joined in some of the intercession for the lenten talks. The Spirit in that place was amazing. I really miss being able to praise and worship with people in my generation, going round to y4j again has been rekindling a passion that fell asleep for a while I think. Bring on the talks!
After that we went, to my shame, to macdonalds (I'm sorry Kris, I know). I even ate. I have to admit, it didn't taste like dead gazelle this time. Spent the whole evening there which was actually really fun.

Nothing interesting to share today,a thousand apologies. Paula made a great vid of the picnic last thursday, I don't know if it's anywhere on the net though.

Out.

Guess who...

2009-03-20T17:31:00.002+01:00

Yeah, I'm back. Again.

Been reading everyone's blogs and basically I started missing writing again, so yeah I'm going to give the blog a try for like the fourth time I think. Again, I promise nothing, in the sense that what will be written here is largely a stream of conscious from my random days to the confusing clockwork of my brain. Oo err. And Kris you can read this so I don't have to write an email every time too :P

I'm going to start with the new look. I hope you like it. I don't mind it so much, an improvement on the other one at least. I spent about an hour cruising that meffing site trying to find one that I liked and the artistic perfectionist in me came out, the bastard. Clicking the "next" button became a compulsion that I just couldn't say no to. Ranting already, woo.

To be honest I don't have much to say. Yesterday was brilliant (as Simon's already mentioned most of). I haven't had that much fun in a field in aaaages, especially the frisbie game... even though we killed half the foliage... it'll grow back though XD Had uni today, I was really really tired though. Took me ages to sleep and when I did I had some really weird dream about what I can't remember except for the fact that it was really weird... Was supposed to have lectures till 3 but the last 2 didn't turn up and we ended up waiting for an hour for nothing. Lovely. Got community tonight and then off to meet whoever at whatever is left of the cd launch...

Anyways, since i spent all afternoon looking for the backdrop I'll stop here. Follow n that if you like.

Out.

Yes, I am this bored

2009-02-02T20:24:00.002+01:00

So, what does your average guy do when he doesn't feel like studying renal pathology like he should and the slow internet connection deprives him of his most beloved House? Ta Daa! I am now going to proceed to ramble on about various disjointed things... don't look down...

New Year's Resolution. Every year most people make one. Every year almost all of those people have broken it by January 2nd, and that's the few that make it that far. Last year my resolution was to try be more outgoing, especially with people I already know. You know how sometimes you'll pass by an acquaintance in the road and you're not sure whether to say hi or just keep walking and you end up in this whole inward awkward situation? No? Just me then... anyway this resolution usually ended up with me shouting people's names from across the road or uni quad among other places. Went overboard a little i think, but hey it was part of the fun. Point being, i did stick to it to a certain extent and this year I have a new one. Put simply and rather artistically, it's to replace fear with love. I got thinking over the last few months about how many things we do in life are motivated by fear... of embarassment, of consequences and who knows what else. Well I'm trying to put an end to that as much as i can. I know i can't completely eradicate it, but i want to do things cause i'm passionate about it or cause i want to help people, not because i'll feel guilty if i don't.... this is going to turn into a long blog, i can feel it.

Recently I've been thinking about all the things i want to do in life and have started to think that there may come a point when i actually won't be able to do them. I mean, finish university, start working, eventually (God willing) get married, settle down and then *BAM* you're meffed. You spent your youth hanging out with your friends and advancing your career and now you're an adult. You have responsibilities. Deal with it. Scary. Well, I want to try and take one year out of that whole shindig and do all my bucketlist of things. So what's on my bucket list?

Go (back) to New Zealand and Australia and live there for a few months (note: the rest on the list will take place there or in the following places).
Get a job in some silly surf shack.
Go to Japan and America while I'm at it.
Learn to surf. Do it a lot.
Buy a vespa.
Go skydiving and base jumping. Yes, with Simon.
Go snowboarding.
Go horse-riding across the NZ farmland.
Learn to do the Hacka.
Visit an old Japanese temple, sit under a cherry tree, buy underwear from a vending machine (you gotta love Japan).
Go to Hillsong.
Buy a didjeridoo.

I originally only had up to no. 7 but made up the others for good measure :)

Out.

Alive, alive, alive forevermore

2009-01-25T18:30:00.002+01:00

Hey kids, yeah, wow huh?

I don't really intend to keep this up... and seeing as when I do intend to I don't... so not much hope is there? Anyway, I'm humoring Simon with this meme thing... here goes...

Matt needs to not play every little blog meme that comes along... (I'm not even kidding)

Matt looks like the Hulk pictures from skateboarding photos (shrug)

Matt says 'where the hell is Matt' (...)

Matt wants to sleep with Chelsia (I swear I don't know anyone named Chelsia but there's a youtube vid if you're interested)

Matt does silly stuff (hurrah!)

Matt hates cold weather (not so much)

Matt asks Lita to marry him (....what is it with the women?...)

Matt likes pulp in his orange juice (if it's tropicana I do actually..)

Matt eats John's Balls Jr.'s sportswriter profile (erm...)

Matt wears shorts during Suzuki Sx4

Matt was arrested for excessive speeding

Matt loves to ride the pole!

Ok.... sooo......

Out.

Worlds Apart

2008-03-27T09:37:00.001+01:00

Out.

Long days and Green Men

2008-03-14T15:26:00.002+01:00

I have had a long long day. Went in to Valletta at 8 this morning to get my passport done, then Uni to help finish off anatomy project since it's due today. Thanks Chris and Claire for letting me leave early :) Submitted my physio essay yesterday for reviewing, now I hope I won't have to change or add anything... Want to do pharma assignment on Sunday so next week I can start studying hard... I'm so busy at the moment it's not even funny, apologies to everyone if I'm nervous at times... ajma...

Off to Mass in Zebbug tonight, then prob Dubliner's after. I know it's Duluri but I really need a drink tonight, just one of those days.

Wanted to share this, Edward Norton as the Hulk! Maybe this time it'll be good...

Out.

Not of this world

2008-03-07T10:52:00.005+01:00

Hey everyone. Since my last blog I've almost finished my physio project, hopefully will get it done today :) Anyways, I want to talk about yesterday...

Last night I wasn't in the mood for staying at home working on the project, so I decided to go to the mass meeting at the fosos with Simon, Lara, Angie and Sarah. It was quite fun, though I think the others thought I wasn't really enjoying it... actually I was taking it in for most of the time, I hadn't been to a mass meeting since I was little. Met a few people there like Brian, Doreen and Daniel, as well as Bianca, Andrea and co. Also saw Max, Danila and Emma, hadn't seen them in yeeeaaaarrsss! Insomma, waited aaages for Gonzi to come out, and once he did, waited ages for him to give it a rest. PN good, Sant bad, we know, we know. Jumped around like idiots a lot, espeically in the rain at the party after... which turned into more of a rave...

Now, I don't want to put down mass meetings or anything, but I reflected on something this morning. Thing is last night I felt weird being there, cause I've gotten so used to cheering and shouting and jumping for one thing - God. It was really strange to be there and seeing so many people going crazy for a guy in a suit... Don't get me wrong, I like Gonzi just as much as the next nationalist, and I know the party's done/doing a lot of good for the country. But still, cheering, jumping, shouting and all that still felt kind of.. empty. I remarked about it to Simon and he just said it's a bit of fun for it's own sake. I know that, and I'm not saying it's wrong. I just found myself wishing I could see people acting this way for God, becuase HE is who is worth our praise! It's so strange how people can get fanatical about political parties, even turning it into idolatry, and then be so indifferent to God. It shows the Devil's got his hands around thing Earth, and it's so sad...

I felt really out of place at one point, and I do kinda now, looking back on it. And you know what? I thank God for that. If you feel out of place on this Earth then that shows that you are searching for a home that is not of this Earth, and that is precisely how I feel, praise God! It may sound strange, but I hope all of you feel that way too, or come to, cause if you have met Jesus, if you've given your life to Him, you are not of this Earth.

Out.

Colour me black and yellow

2008-03-04T17:41:00.004+01:00

Waaaaaaah I've been busy lately, or more accurately, am in a general state of busy-ness that should last for the next 3 months or so. Reasons for this aaaaaare:

1. Projects. I hate projects. I hate research even more. My anatomy project is due next week and my physio project is due by the end of the month. I am attempting to get both finished by friday this week. Then next week hopefully I'll start and finish my pharmacology project which is also due by the end of the month, which by the way, is about some kind of laxative. I hate projects. When I actually do finish these I have to start studying seriously for my finals which begin last week of May. Oh joy.

2. The boys and I are finally getting down to working on our own material. I'm very very very happy about this, and I'm liking what's coming out a lot, praise God. A lot more developments are on the horizon but I won't discuss those as yet seeing as everything is still in its early stages and nothing is definite as yet, the point being we've had to step up our schedule considerably and that means more time rehearsing and writing. More updates later on, but let's say God is very faithful. VERY faithful :D

3. Got a few other odds and ends that are gonna keep me occupied, like filming for 4given, weekend retreats, going abroad with Mike to Prague in April for the RELaY conference, and possibly other things that I can't recall at this point in time. Oh yeah, Resident Evil 5 comes out at the end of the month and Metal Gear Solid 4 on June 12th... I need to make time or sleep less...

So yeah, busy. I kind of really want to know my exam dates (I only know 3 out of 8 so far) cause my uncle's going up to some festival in England (or maybe Scotland, I don't remember) for a weekend in June and he's gonna watch Delirious? and David Crowder Band live in concert, so naturally I want to go. My mom told me if I was interested she's pay for me to go up, so naturally I really want to go. Thing is my finals are in June so basically I'm kind of screwed over... ah well...

Election week this week, my first time voting. I'm not exactly excited or particularly interested, though for the first time I found myself learning certain things about politics and the way things are going. Jen's dad (the legend himself) and the whole scenario with Sant that's going on at the moment is particularly amusing. I just really hope we come up, and I'm taking a positive attitude about it. Plus I really wanna go car-cading on Sunday XD

Last note: I finished Uncharted: Drake's fortune a couple of weeks ago and COD4 this afternoon. Both very very good games, thanks Mike :)

Out.

Ready Now

2008-02-21T11:38:00.002+01:00

Heyo, got a busy weekend coming up - Behavioural sciences weekend from this afternoon till Saturday afternoon, dvd night thing at community on Sat evening, going to Qrendi at 8 in the morning on Sunday to animate the mass, and got a lovely dvd/meal at Dan's place Sunday night. Tis lovely indeed!

Life at the moment feels pretty weird I gotta say. As far as everyday life goes, I think I've gotten used to being single again now and I'm pretty free, enjoying the little everyday things and even uni isn't getting me down anymore.... though I know I still have loads of work to do but I can fret about that later. Spiritually I feel like I'm going through a renewal, coming out of that stale feeling I experienced. It's that feeling that propelled me to start listening to 'normal' music for example, which was nice for the time, but now I feel I'm being called back... I'm going deeper and I want to go deeper. It's a great feeling, and rather exciting too. I think it has a lot to do with all the stuff that's happening collectively in the group (you know who you are ;P). In short, it feels strange cause at the moment my life has a lot of things on the horizon, a lot of change and renewal... I don't know if you get what I mean but lets just say spring this year is really going to mean new life for me :D Meh, I've got a whole weekend of this intrapersonal stuff and i'm already babbling about my feelings...

Yesterday I discovered the 'Desperation Band'. I love them, I really do, that perfect passionate feeling of praise and worship, it really gets me lost in the moment...

Out.

It's THAT day of the year

2008-02-14T16:39:00.003+01:00

Out XD

Missing the Feeling of...

2008-02-13T15:21:00.000+01:00

....arrr... roll on the summer...

Out.

When nature calls

2008-02-11T21:12:00.000+01:00

Ajma ajma. Just spent a couple o hours writing a bit of my physio essay. It's taking longer than I'd like to get done, but it's interesting enough and i'm actually learning from it. That actually extends to the whole of my course at the moment, not getting as much work done as i'd like (where do the hours go?) but i'm really enjoying it. Blamf.

After much deliberation due to the weather (don't give me that 'you're a pussy' stuff sim, the weather was awful on friday, and setting up in the dark would have taken aaaages), we did go camping after all. Met in Rabat bright an early at 8 on Sat morning and headed just outside Buskett for the day, night and following morning. Was lots of fun, spent most of our time cooking, eating, drinking beer (repeated these steps several times), climbing stuff and shooting stuff with mike's airgun. Big thanks to Jonni who's camping know-how proved invaluable and to Miggy for all the excellent food :D Cooking and then eating pasta outside in the rain on Sat night was something i found particularly fun hehe. I'll def be up for it again :)

After a good wash and change of clothes went to watch National Treasure Sunday evening, the film was... well what you'd expect it to be, and the company was brilliant, even if Jen and Chris did start to sabotage my car when we stopped for petrol ;P

Damn it's cold all of a sudden, been one of the few genuinely winter-ish days today. Looking forward to having a good weekend at Dubliner's at the moment, woo!

Edit: Simon's posted a video he made of the camping trip. It's pretty funny, though I still don't really know why i'm "The Posh"... Anyways thought i'd tell you about it, maybe he'll stop SPAMMING MY BLOG that way... XD

Out.

Jump on it

2008-02-06T21:23:00.000+01:00

Why won't Blogger ever remember my username and password?! It's little annoying things like this that are responsible for upsetting people's days.... and killing penguins... not sure how but fairly certain it's true....

Community weekend was a blast, was a great experience and loads of fun. Though can't say i expected any less. I want photos guys!! :D

I've had a really looooong day. Woke up early, watched Al Murray on youtube in a lecture hall, wandered around Mater Dei looking for another lecture hall (which was HUGE, HUGE!!), went to another lecture all the way back at Uni, went to Mass, went to library, went to gym, hurr. I'm rather thoroughly knackered now, so of course i need to post something like this:

Out.

Art rant

2008-01-31T10:39:00.000+01:00

Mornin'. Blogging so close to a previous entry isn't my usual thing, but I want to post something that I really like, though I think only Simon will really appreciate :P

Ian from three panel soul (and the late machall) recently did a pic for genericon. He's posted a video of him doing all the post-inking work on it. It's about 20 min long so unless you're really into this thing i think you'll lose interest fast. The fact that there's no commentary is a shame, would have learnt a lot more from it, but damn does it take a lot of work to make these things. This vid showed me, at least, how much artistic knowledge it takes, both in colour and light.

Though I think I've sussed out Ian's method to his style:
1. Keep designs simple and expressive
2. Have a good knowledge of colour (you'll need it for base colouring)
3. Go friggin nuts with the shading
4. Make final touches that I can't even conceive

Anyways, back to braincells for the day, got me last exam tomorrow morning, have no idea how it's going to go... ...community weekend starts tomorrow though :D

Out.

Buttmonkeys I'm bored

2008-01-30T22:31:00.000+01:00

Had an 'off' day today, I'm going to rant about it, because that's what you do when you have reached the end of an 'off' day.

Ok first of all, went to Mark's birthday meal last night at Hard Rock, was good fun. What was particularly amusing was watching a bunch of foreign guys dance at an empty koyote after. By their dancing it looked like they'd been snorting engine grease all day... And Mark, I don't want to imagine the hangover you had this morning ;P

Anyway, long story short, I got in at around 2 30 last night. At 7 45 this morning the bell rang... electricity meter guy.... of course I had to go open for him. After that I did the logical thing and went back to bed for 2 hours. When I got up at 10, the maid had arrived and the whole second floor looked like a warzone. I hate it when that happens. Do you ever wake up with that feeling that everything is severely messed up, especially since you can't take a piss in your own damn bathroom? Yeah, I had that today...

Went to gym with Mike, came home, had lunch. Then I started reading neuroscience... and well that is basically it. Meh. Been sitting here all day and the lack of anything interesting to do is knawing at my brain. Ok, time to stop being emo now.

Out.

DotCom

2008-01-27T12:19:00.000+01:00

I'd like to kick off by paying my respects to Heath Ledger, he really was a brilliant actor and it's a shame to have to lose him so early in his career. I know it's his performance that'll make his last film so spectacular. May he rest in peace.

It's a beautiful day outside, really feel like enjoying it. Had a great night last night, thanks to everyone who was there, was brilliant :D Also was really nice to go to the y4j mass, it's been a while since i went and you guys are doing a really good job. Keep growing and going deeper ;)

Main reason for today's blog is:

www.maranathamalta.com

Click on it, bookmark it, visit it every single day. After so long the community website is finally up and running, and to be honest I'm very impressed with it, I never thought it'd be something of such high quality. Woo!

Been listening to a lot of snow patrol lately, in particular "Run" and "Chocolate". I really love their sound, some beautiful melodies.

Anyways, 2 'exams' next week then it's off to the community weekend. Really looking forward to it, eh guys? ;P

Out.

Edit: Ok so the link isn't working, whatever, just copy-paste, you know the drill. Hurr...

Bars and guitars

2008-01-17T12:56:00.000+01:00

I want to talk about 2 things today:

Subject A
I've been actually going out for the past couple of weekends, which, as most of you know, is not normal for me (because everyone knows that paceville is nothing but evil and trickery. I'm sorry Dez, it is ;P). Now, I don't know if this sudden urge to go out and meet people is a by-product of being single again, though it probably is, but I enjoyed myself. To be honest, i still hate paceville, but i have discovered somewhere I really love, Dubliner's. I went out there last Friday to have some drinks with the guys after community... nuff said about that.... and I went there on Saturday and found out my second cousin works there. This is funny, because i never knew of his existence before then. This friday I'm going to meet chris and some others there after the Healing Service. In short, I like this place, it is fun :D

Subject B
I've started studying for my exams last week and things aren't going too badly. I have the exam next Tuesday and while I don't exactly think i'm going to be impressing anyone, I'm not really bothered. Thing is, i've been getting a rather big creative streak recently. I swear, I can't put my guitar down. This i spose is a good thing... though it's coming at some expense of my study time as while reading i'll get up and go write something... and then play it for a while... and then look up a song on youtube... and repeat basically. I don't really know what I want to say with this... it's just... there. *shrugs*

Last note, I really want to watch this film.

Last note #2: Muffin!!

Out.